If you know me, you probably know that I’ve wanted to study in France since forever. If you met me in college, you probably thought I had everything already planned out before I even started college. Well, that’s partially true. I have wanted to study in France for ages before starting college. In fact, this was one of the many reasons that drew me to Macaulay. I could study abroad for a year without hurting my bank account and still graduate in four years. (Well, the last part is a bit iffy at the moment, but I’ll get to that another time.)

But, I didn’t always want to go to Paris. In fact, the process to choosing a location, at times not even in France, was a long and ever-so-changing one.

I am indecisive. I like too many things, but have too little time and quite frankly, I think I ask a bit too much out of life sometimes. Actually, I take that back. I don’t think anyone could ever ask too much out of life. But I do think that I want more than is physically possible. You win some, you lose some. The important thing though is that you make your decisions so that you win more than you lose. Haha.

So initially, I wanted to go EVERYWHERE. In fact, I still do now. But I realize that that’s not possible, at the moment. (I will get to everywhere one day!) And I didn’t even want to go to Paris. I wanted to go to a quaint small town in the country. I had this romantic idea of me bicycling along a path of vineyards on my way to school in a nice flowy dress with a huge floppy hat, sunglasses, and a cute backpack. I’m kind of embarrassed when I think back at this now. But hey, life is too short for shame. There was a grain of realism to this though. In my senior year of high school, I was dead set on going away to college. I wanted to experience life away from the city, with lots of open green space and a small, tight community. I have lived in New York City all my life. I wanted a change. I’m not scared of change. I love change. But this plan fell through. So I was a little bitter at the beginning of my freshman year. (However, now I am so glad I chose Macaulay and stayed in the city. I think I’ll do a post about this on my other eportfolio. And I’ll link it here when I actually write it.) Therefore, I was adamant about finding a countryside place to study abroad in France.

I researched so much. I went through so many phases. I wrote a bit about this on my other eportfolio. (Click here to read it.) However, I’ll break it down again here:

1.  In 6th grade, every student in my middle school would take a sampler course of Spanish, French, and Italian. Then, by the end of the year, we would choose which language we wanted to pursue.  If you chose Spanish, you would most likely get it, but if you opted for French or Italian, due to the lack of classes available, the chances were a lot smaller. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to get to take French. Why did I choose French? Well, I love all languages (but not equally. Shh! Don’t tell.) And I naturally pick them up quickly – all the mechanics, grammar, nuances, pronunciation, etc. Spanish was fun and easy, but a bit dull. And as the marking periods went on, my grades kept dropping. I really loved Italian, however, both of my Italian teachers had went on pregnancy leave while they were teaching me! And that made all the difference, because if I actually learned Italian for the whole sampler course period, I might have chosen it over French. French on the other hand, came to me the most naturally. I loved the way it sounded and the challenge of taking a language most deem to be the hardest of the three. (However, I actually found French the easiest…) And from there, it was history. I continued French in high school.
2. I hadn’t considered taking French again in college until later in my senior year. Before  that, I was set on studying Classics (beautiful Latin and Greek). However, plans change. And somehow, I found myself wanting to declare an Art History/French double major!
3. Since then, I knew I wanted to study abroad in France for a year. But where? The “countryside.” Every college I had applied to, save for Macaulay, was in a small town. I wanted to get away from the city and experience the small, campus life. Likewise, I wanted to go away from the city while I studied abroad. When I made my decision to go to Macaulay and stay in New York, this only fueled my desire to really escape the city. I looked at Bordeaux, Lyon, Strasbourg, and Toulouse.
4. Because of my overambitious and indecisive nature, I also had dreams of going to England, especially Cambridge. I looked at different programs, but they were all so expensive and troublesome. Forget Cambridge! Besides, my true desire lies in France!
5. There weren’t many opportunities to study abroad for a whole year in any of the smaller cities. I came upon the CUNY Paris Exchange Program. A whole year, CUNY tuition (meaning that, because of my scholarship, I don’t have to pay tuition at all). What other more cost-effective program could there possibly be? So, I gave up my qualms about studying in Paris, a location I previously deemed too similar to New York, too international, too mainstream. But in the end, it was probably best that my first time living away from my family was in another city. This way, I could adapt more easily. And I’m not sure at all if I could stand living in a small area for year. It was only a romantic dream. Besides, I do love Paris and I can always visit the countryside throughout the year.
6. Randomly, I can’t quite remember why, but I think it had something to do with my sudden interest in Celtic music, a band called Secret Garden, and old folklore, fairytales and mythology, I suddenly took an interest in Ireland and Scotland. I wanted to study abroad there for some time, in addition to Paris. Summer session?
7. I got over that phase. What about Tours in the summer before Paris? It’s quaint, next to the Loire Valley, and known for its perfect French.
8. What about Yonsei University in South Korea? I’ve always wanted to travel there!
9. No, back to Tours.
10. Scotland and its natural beauty?
11. Ah, no. Tours it is! Oh look! There’s a program in England for the summer, expenses paid! But two summers and a year abroad? Too much. Too hectic. Too everything!
12. Wait, I forgot about my long desire to go to Japan, especially Kyoto. No more Tours! There’s really no point in going to France for two study abroad sessions. I should go to Asia and experience a completely opposite culture.
13. Taking Japanese last semester really ignited this dream. But, in the end, I decided it was too much and too difficult and way too expensive. I shall focus on making the most out of my one Paris study abroad, rather than spreading myself (and my money) thin through many programs.

What a long and confusing journey to end up basically where I began. But hey, no losses. I consider all this time spent choosing places to study abroad as time spent learning more about my future aspirations. And, though most people might probably see otherwise, I found it quite enjoyable. I love planning and thinking of how to make my dreams come true, even if it gets really tiring, stressful, and hectic.