A view of the Queensboro Bridge from Roosevelt Island 1
The first stop of the RIOC red bus is of course, River Road, my neighborhood. Middle class people and diplomats populate my neighborhood. In fact, Roosevelt Island is home to a few Missions of different countries within the United Nations. During my ride, I pass through the lower-income section of the community, which contains a good amount of government-subsidized housing; This housing program was part of RIOC’s initiative to create a diverse community, culturally and class-wise. The RIOC red bus comes to a stop at its last destination, the F train subway station, before making another round of the island again. The community around the subway station, River Side, is where the higher-income people live, in newly built, glass-windowed condos overlooking the East Side River. As usual, stores and restaurants cluster around that one area: a Duane Reade, a sushi place Fuji East, a grill bar Nonno’s Foccaceria & Pizzeria, a bar, and a Starbucks Coffee.
The RIOC bus stop near the F train subway station 2
The F train is the most convenient subway line of the whole MTA system, for it has on its line several notable stops: 47-50th St – Rockefeller Center, where the Rockefeller Building and a lot of investment banks are located, 42nd St – Bryant Park where Brian Park and Times Square are, 34th St – Herald Square where a bunch of entertainment places are situated, most notable, Korea Town, 23rd St and 5th Ave, and more.
Credit Suisse Building at dusk 3
Once the F train arrived at 23rd street, I get off and walk about 3 blocks through the strange Flatiron landmark, Madison Square Park. I always watch people sit around waiting for shack Burgers and meditating (though not at the same time). Also, I always pass by the marble façade and royal interior of the intimidating Credit Suisse investment bank. Finally, I arrive at my final destination Baruch College (no pun intended, though I hope I won’t die here).
Hi Quan! I enjoyed reading your post. The pictures are beautiful! Did you take them all yourself? If so, it would help to add a caption that just says “Photo taken by Quan Vu.” Here are some changes to your post I would make:
1.) Third sentence: When you say “on the the way there,” specify where “there” is. Is it Baruch or River Side? Also put a comma after that. For example, “On the way to River Side,”. Also, what does “changing landscapes” mean?
2.) Fourth sentence: “Although on the same island, EACH NEIGHBORHOOD HAS ITS OWN UNIQUE diverse community; THESE COMMUNITIES CAN ALL BE DISTINGUISHED AS I RIDE THROUGH ROOSEVELT ISLAND.”
3.) Did you purposely leave out the name of your neighborhood?
4.) Second Paragraph, third sentence: “During my ride, I pass through the lower-income section of the community, WHICH contains a good amount of government-subsidized housing; THIS HOUSING PROGRAM WAS part of RIOC’s initiative to create a diverse community, culturally and class-wise.”
5.) Second paragraph, fifth sentence: What is the name of the last stop?
6.) Third paragraph, first sentence: “I always take elevator at the station to go underground to catch the F train. Otherwise, I would have to spend five minutes getting to the subway platform using the escalators. After I am underground, I usually take a seat and observe the people surrounding me.”
7.) Third paragraph, second sentence: “The people are always interesting and kind. Although Roosevelt Island used to be known for being an island to lock up prisoners and home to mental institutions, it is now a home for many wonderful people.”
8.) Third paragraph, third sentence: “Once I am on the F train, I can recognize who is from Roosevelt Island within a few minutes of interacting with them; they are all so nice and fine to talk to.”
9.) Last paragraph: “Once THE F TRAIN ARRIVES at 23rd street, I get off and walk about 3 blocks through the strange-looking Flatiron landmark, MADISON SQUARE PARK. I ALWAYS WATCH people sit around waiting for Shack Burgers and meditating (though not at the same time). ALSO, I ALWAYS PASS BY THE marble façade and royal interior of the intimidating–looking Credit Suisse investment bank. FINALLY, I ARRIVE AT my final destination: Baruch College (no pun intended, though I hope I won’t die here).”
Necessary edits (distinct from those of Michelle)
1. “where one of the deepest underground subway stations is situated” – Passive
Replace with “home to one of the deepest underground subway stations”
2. “…can all be distinguished as I ride through Roosevelt Island.” – Passive
Replace with “I can distinguish these communities…”
3. “The beginning of my RIOC red bus takes place at, of course, my neighborhood”
Replace with “The first stop of the RIOC red bus is of course, ______ (fill in name), my neighborhood”
4. “The community around the subway station is…” – Which community?
5. “As usual, most of the convenient stores cluster around that one area: a Duane Reade, a sushi place, a grill bar, a bar, and a Starbuck’s.” – Do you mean “convenience stores”? If so, Duane Reade is the only convenience store that you list. What are the names of the sushi place, grill bar, and bar? Replace “Starbuck’s” with “Starbucks Coffee.”
6. “I always take elevator…” – Replace with “I always take the elevator”
7. “Although Roosevelt Island used to be known for being an island to lock up prisoners…” – Replace with “Although Roosevelt Island used to be known as a penitentiary…”
8. How do you know that the inhabitants are “wonderful” and “nice”? These are generalizations. Eliminate the phrase “fine to talk to.”
9. “In my opinion” – Eliminate this phrase. It is redundant. The piece documents your opinions.
10. “investment banks situate” “entertainment places situate” – both constructions sound awkward. Although passive, replace with “are located”
11. Replace “Brian Park” with “Bryant Park”
12. Replace “23rd St where Flatiron and Gramercy Park is” with “23rd St and 5th Ave”
12. Replace “and many more stops that I cannot elaborate on the little page” with “and more”
13. Replace “strange-looking” with strange” and “intimidating-looking” with “intimidating”
As Michelle mentioned, you include beautiful photos! Nice job.