I was a person who was constantly filled with intense and beautiful goals. Ambitious, driven, I was the girl teachers had to beg to let other students speak up in class because my opinions demanded the floor. I never let anything stand in my way and I was headed for high places. Then I came to college. A check on my list of things to do. And then my uncle died and I sued my dad. All after my first month of college. You can imagine how things started to go downhill from here. Luckily something college provided me with was a new set of amazing friends, helping through it all.

Well, after winter break, I return to this big city, but I am a different person. I am not content. I am not motivated. I don’t have that spark I did. The one I’ve seemingly had my whole life. The one I assumed would carry me all the way to my top choice medical school. The one that was going to help me cure schizophrenia some day. It all just stopped and I felt numb and the city made me feel ill. This Spring, I spent most days wishing I was home, or really just anywhere else. Other days, I was rushing home so I could hide out in my safe little suburb and dodge the troubles I was sure the city was dealing me.

After reading this you’re probably assuming I’m some sad, tired, lazy college student. Well, yes, that all may be true. But what I have yet to mention is how this city has also changed me for the better. I am a different person. I am stronger. I have overcome one hell of a year, and frankly I’m still being thrown curveballs, but now they don’t take away my spark. I’m getting that back, and just like my previously mentioned driven self, I am determined to be the person I know I need to be and want to be. It’s living in NYC, meeting the people I have met, and learning the things I have learned that are bringing me back day by day. NYC and I are what I see as the definition of a love-hate relationship. I hate how when you are sad or lonely, it can feel like the emptiest place in the world. But if you want to do something about that, if you want to accomplish something, even if it means finding a new favorite cafe in the West Village, you can, and suddenly you’re not so alone. And suddenly the city feels warm. You just have to let it live and breathe within you and you will see the things it can do for you. I know I have.

–Arianna I.