I opened my pocket dictionary to the word failure after pondering on what to write for this assignment. Failure is defined as lack of success. According to the definition, one academic failure came to mind right away: getting a C in Probability class. It taught me that I have limitations and that I can’t always excel in every area of math. It didn’t come as shock to me because this was one of those topics that I am not really comfortable with, but it confirmed my weakness. It also made me realize that doing miserably in a class didn’t necessarily mean that I had failed as a student. I had done my best under the circumstances. It is just that I should have done things with a different approach. If I could go back to the first day of class, I would take an online class – perhaps one of the many edX classes on Probability – and study from different sources.

Another academic failure in my college years was when I hit all-time low grades in my Analysis (Advanced Calculus) class. Having finished my freshman year with excellent grades, I was determined that I would do the same in the coming semesters. Maybe it was the added pressure to be perfect or the material was simply difficult to grasp, but things started to get foggy. I got single digit scores on my homework and my first test was no different. It was the first that I had done so poorly. I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. My method of studying had worked all these years and now I was performing low. I felt dejected because no matter how much I tried I didn’t comprehend the problems. I did not want to quit because I didn’t want to admit defeat. It also didn’t help that I was taking 20 credits that semester with 20 hours per week going to my part-time, tutoring job. I knew I was under time pressure, but in the end it all came down to brute force. I had to work harder or everything would fall apart. When the semester ended, I was glad I had continued the class – I had progressed tremendously.

I think failures make us reflect more thoughtfully. You begin asking yourself whether you could have done something differently, whether your choices were right, whether your efforts were enough etc. Changing yourself is hard, but mistakes lets you question yourself, and forces you to create space for change.