Dear New York City,
"Like any great love, it keeps you guessing/Like any real love, it's ever-changing/Like any true love, it drives you crazy/But you know you wouldn't change anything, anything, anything"
Taylor Swift was right when she wrote this song about you.
Swift’s song, “Welcome to New York” is arguably one of the best (and okay, cheesiest) songs about New York City and your great love affair with everyone who sets its sights upon you. The lyrics are quoted on Instagram alongside pictures of city skylines and pasted on city college dorm room walls. But as irresistibly melodramatic as this song is, there is a deep truth hidden in the lyrics.
New York City, you are the greatest love I have ever known in my life. I fell in love with you when I was thirteen years old, in the midst of a divorce and a move out of my hometown of Flushing, Queens and into the outer corners of Long Island. On weekends, I would take solo trips via the Long Island Rail Road, back here just to keep a little piece of my home with me. On holidays and days off from school, I would take the train into Penn Station and walk around and explore. Gradually, I began to know more about you than just the surrounding area of Penn Station. I began to know your art galleries, your hole-in-the-wall coffee shops, your alphabetical subway routes. I began to document you with my camera and at the end of my sophomore year, I fell in love in a boy just fascinated by you as I am. Together we explored more of what you had to offer and we still do, two years later. At the end of my junior year, I found a job as a hostess in Midtown Manhattan. At the end of my senior year, I found myself a tiny little apartment in downtown Flushing and I came back to you.
New York City, you are also one of the greatest sources of anger and frustration in my life. Where to even start with you dear, antagonizing lover? The fact that it takes me upwards of three hours to travel from one borough to another on weekends, due to track work and maintenance on the subway? The fact that my monthly rent could probably cover the cost of a small house in Portland, Oregon? The fact that a hot dog food vendor in Chelsea tried to hack into my credit card and launder all the money out of it last week?
I could go on and on and on.
Almost every day I sit through another hour-long commute on the 7 train, I threaten to leave you by next year. Almost every week I want to quit working as a hostess five days a week just to make the bare minimum to fend for myself. It seemed like I was in great need of a reminder of what first made me fall in love with you. And that’s where this portfolio came in.
You offer so much love. I cannot emphasize how much love and understanding flows from this city. It’s something that I forgot too often and too easily. It is something that falls to the back of my mind i
Bliss Street Station/ 7 Train, Queens. (10/17/17)
NYC, you comforted me at my worst times. I live off the 7 train line and the entire line runs aboveground. The Bliss Street Station is one of my favorite stations because it contains a full (though distant) view of the skyline at the very end of the platform. I get back to my apartment around midnight after my shift at work and on the day I took this, I remember feeling exceptionally frustrated. I was tired, I didn’t want the responsibility of working five days a week, and I wanted to cry. So on the route back to my apartment, I got off at this station and I walked to the end of the platform and I just looked out into the city night. The distant sound of traffic, the twinkling skyscrapers and the feeling of standing above it brought a wind of peace into my mind. You gathered me in the night as I stood there and you enveloped me in a hug. The sound of the streets told me that everything was going to be alright.
A vocalist/ Lincoln, Center. (10/15/17)
NYC, you remind me that there are people here who are utterly unafraid. Unafraid to be themselves, to be passionate, to give a piece of themselves to the world. You remind me that I, too, need to stay true to this passion within myself. You remind me that I, too, need to be bolder and more confident in how I present myself to the world.
“Starving and Artist Don’t Belong Together.”, Midtown Manhattan. (10/19/17)
NYC, you remind me that I am not alone. In faith, in beliefs, in hope- I am never alone. In the most unexpected ways, a reminder that my pursuit of art and my dream of becoming a professional photographer isn’t without hope- there are many more out there who believe this isn’t a void of a life.
2 Years Together./ Lexington Ave, 59th Street Station (10/18/17)
NYC, you taught me how to treasure even the smallest moments. You taught me what true love is amongst the chaos of a concrete jungle. You taught me how to love someone in the midst of the pandemonium of city life and in a city full of reckless hearts, you gave me the best one. I took this on the night of my 2-year anniversary with my boyfriend, at 10 PM. After a full day of classes and work, there was no more time left in the day to go out and celebrate our anniversary. I was angry that I wasn’t allowed to take off of work to celebrate a 2-year anniversary with my boyfriend, but he came to pick me up and we took the subway home together and that hour long commute back to Queens proved to me that even the smallest moments were enough in a busy life.
A Chinese grocery store, Chinatown, Manhattan. (10/16/17)
NYC, you show me that no one is unwelcome here. You taught me that a thousand worlds can live within one city. You show me everyday-when I walk down to the street, when I board the train, when I go grocery shopping- that you welcome all. You bring a piece of every culture to this city and you make those far away from home, feel at home. You welcome people of every color, race and religion with open arms and you greet them with every neighborhood, every supermarket, every school and church.
A photographer and his skateboard, Central Park. (10/20/17)
NYC, you show me that we have a voice. That every single one of us has the strength and the power to stand up for what we believe in; to voice what we must say. You show me that there are those in this city who stand up for what they believe in and who’s morals are strong enough to make a permanent mark in their everyday world. You remind me that we are a city of morality and of unwavering loyalty to the things we believe in.
A Saturday morning/ Moon Cafe, Queens. (10/14/17)
NYC, you taught me how to breathe- for myself. Instead of breathing for school, for work, for my career and for all my responsibilities, you taught me how to take those mornings to breathe for myself. You taught me how to live with myself in days where I felt inundated with anything but myself. You taught me how to hole up in your cozy little coffee shops and just take the morning to read a good book with a hot cup of coffee.
An old friend/ Chinatown, Manhattan (10/14/17)
NYC, you gave me the friendships I value today. You gave me friends who were open and accepting- a result of living in an inclusive and kindly city. The friendships I have are an accumulation of explorations around the five boroughs, of casual days hanging out in city parks or grabbing food at our local diner.
My morning run route/Queens, NY. (10/20/17)
And finally, New York City, you gave me a home. You gave me the determination to find my own apartment and to make a life for myself here. You gave me the courage to call myself a resident of New York City.
And all this, New York City, all that you have given me- all of it is your love. The comfort, the enveloping nights, the friendships, the love of my life, the quiet coffee shops, the morning runs, the people, the street art- all of this is the love you gave me.
-xx,
Jayne
Every one of us who lives in this city is a unique individual. But the photographs I have taken could very well reflect the life of a typical college girl living in New York City. These photographs are moments that are personal to my life and the people in it, but more importantly, some of the principles that I focused on are common ground among most New Yorkers. This portfolio and “love letter” was a response to a frustration that I felt was building up in me from living and working in New York City. When prompted with the task of exhibiting aspects of ordinary surroundings that we do not typically notice, I sat down with myself and reflected upon what parts of this city led me to live and work here full time. I thought about what I saw almost every day, or things that were part of my life consistently and I realized that what was missing was a true understanding and appreciation for its presence in my life. I have long forgotten how to appreciate the small things I found in my city. Lately, I had been complaining to friends that my relationship with this city was so full of both love and hate- to the point where I had forgotten where the love had even come from. In this past week, I took the time to reflect on certain moments in my typical day. Whether it was the commute back home from work, or en route during my morning run, I asked myself the question of, “what about all of this do you love so much?”
While the main purpose of these images was to be a source of documentation for myself, I do hope that others can find something striking, a “punctum.. sting, speck.” (Barthes, 14) in my photographs. Perhaps the “studium… a kind of general, enthusiastic commitment” can be found in the bright, vibrant colors found in some photographs, or perhaps the general composition of a portrait might entice my viewers, but what I hope becomes the “punctum” to my audience is the emotion that I wrapped in each photograph taken. I hope the story that I wrote with each single photograph allows my viewers to think deeper into what each photograph may mean- in either a general, personal or interpersonal level. In On Photography, Susan Sontag questions whether photographs are meant to purely “capture reality” or whether they serve to “interpret reality.” In my photographs, I strive to purely capture my reality and it is my hope that my viewers can interpret this reality. These snapshots from my life are just products of myself as an observer.
Sontag said that “photography has become one of the principal devices for experiencing something, for giving an appearance of participation.” (Sontag, 10) I disagree on the matter of appearance, for in taking these photographs, it was after the moments of full participation did I take the photographs. For me, these photographs were a RESULT of experiencing something; almost as stamps of a memory or of a time.
New York City is the reason I became a photographer; the reason behind my confidence, my growth and the relationships in my life. It is all the love that New York City gives.
