Compliments

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
— Buddha

I cannot compliment myself, nor can I properly accept one. I never thought this was a problem, until I began to receive them more. I’m so terribly awkward as it is, and then someone tries to tell me something nice? Not happening.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the amazing things people tell me. It’s flattering to hear such things. Nevertheless, I can never actually believe the things they say. How am I so smart? He is just as intelligent, if not more so, than I am. How am so sweet and helpful? She’s so nice and she’s more altruistic than I am. Pretty? No. I am surrounded by absolutely beautiful people, from the inside out. I don’t understand why one would say such a thing. I am just me.

I go to school. I like to go bowling. I rarely watch movies. I love The Beatles. I can knit and sew. I like nerdy things, like webcomics and math/science jokes. I once wrote out Pascal’s Triangle to the 25th or so line for fun (I also memorized the Fibonacci sequence too — I don’t remember it anymore though). I’m a news junkie. I like Italian food. I go on Facebook far too much for my own good. I’m quirky at best.

I realized over time that my self-deprecation must come to an end. When I came to college, I made friends that cared about me in ways that my old friends did not. I never really received compliments in high school, so it was very new for me in college. One of my closest friends began to notice my distaste for compliments. He said compliments are meant to make me feel good about myself, and that they were genuine. When I said I couldn’t accept them, he told me he wouldn’t let me compliment him either.

I couldn’t even tell him if I liked a shirt he was wearing. It was so difficult to be restricted in such a way; I wasn’t allowed to appreciate how amazing my friend was. I asked him why he did this and he said, “It’s important for you to be able to accept that you are a good person. It makes you an even better one, if you can appreciate yourself.”

Can you absolutely love others without loving yourself? I don’t think you really can. Learning to care for yourself is just as important as learning to care for others. Can you grow if you don’t acknowledge your strengths? And if you don’t grow, how can you be a better person, friend, child, companion, parent, for another? I’ve realized that you can know the good aspects of yourself without being egotistical.

In essence…don’t hate; appreciate.