Original: Baruch College Undergraduate Survival Guide
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Nice job here! Your poem is an interesting take on the college experience. While it is thematically the same as the original in that it describes what college is like, you look at it with a more student-like, pessimistic view. What I love about your poem, however, is that despite the typical student-problems jokes you make in the beginning, you wrap up nicely with something I think we all want to achieve deep down, even if it sounds cheesy.
Although both the original and your poem have a casual feel to them, your poem really embraces this. When I read your poem, I picture myself sarcastically complaining about college life and all the work I have to do to a friend. In my opinion, it captures a typical student’s experience better than any formal guide can because it speaks “student struggles,” which I think is ultimately what is most relevant to us.
The cross-outs are incomplete, which allows the reader to make out the words you’ve removed. I think it gives even more of a “student” feel to it. It wouldn’t be that far of a stretch to say the poem is actually a page in a school magazine that a bored student decided to scribble on as a prank. We all like to have fun, and your poem embodies that aspect of school spirit!
Hey Kat,
Your original text was an excerpt from the Baruch College Undergraduate Survival Guide written for incoming freshman by older students. This excerpt is the introduction page to the survival guide book, and thus it explains what has been included in the book. The author calls on the reader to think about his or her passions and pay attention to various clubs at Baruch.
In your new poem, you cross out a significant percentage of the original words with a black marker, leaving around one to three words on most lines. You seem to leave only the words that highlight the important elements of the start of one’s college experience. For example, in your introduction, you keep the words, “College”, “survival”, and “world”. Your formulation of statements using the words you left makes a lot of sense and you have a fascinating use of punctuation. Overall, you put emphasis on the stress of college, the necessity of having a road map to help with these pressures, finding your passion, helping others, and, most importantly, finding yourself. Because not all of your statements are complete sentences, some sound chopped, but they make your poem sound stronger and you more passionate as a poet. I like that most of the words you crossed out can still be read if the reader tries hard enough, but a few likely intentionally fully crossed out, so that is an excellent distinction you made. I think that your poem not only offers a succinct summary of the original text, but also makes it easier and much more enjoyable to read. Great job Kat!