Orignal: Preamble to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights from the United Nations
Erasure Poem:
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Axel, I really enjoyed your erasure poem. The original document you chose was the Preamble to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights from the United Nations. I thought this was an excellent document to pick because erasure poems can often be political. The original message of the Preamble was to explain that human rights were going to be protected worldwide. The United nations agreed to stop the world from treating one another with such disrespect and cruelty. The United Nations created this document because human rights are essential in creating a peaceful and progressive world. This document was extremely impactful on history and is the most translated document in the world.
Understanding the original document made me appreciate your poem even more. In your poem you were able to list the wrongs humanity has made, explain that rights should be protected by law, and that the “WRONGS” of society should end. Overall, I enjoyed reading this piece and it had a strong message. I like how you were able to manipulate the author’s words and display the wrongs that will be fixed. There are small aspects of the poem that I think could be tweaked. In the beginning of the poem I think “Preamble” should be crossed out because I do not believe it goes with the first sentence. The concluding statement was also a small problem you state, “this Universal Declaration of Human WRONGS to the end constantly in mind”. I think you were trying to convey that we are always trying to end human wrongs. It is difficult to convey the message using only the author’s words but I think you did a great job. Those were the only two blemishes in the piece in my opinion. I thought the poem had really good flow and I liked your edits to the original document. I thought a nice element of the piece was writing “WRONGS” in capitals to emphasize your point. Great work Axel!