“Love is spiritual, only passion sexual”
“Love is spiritual, only passion sexual”
In this week’s readings on the emotional intimacy between women in the 19th century, I was surprised at the intensity these bonds held, though it was understandable given the sexual segregation of the time. I think it was surprising to read about because it differs so strongly, in my opinion, from female friendships in contemporary society. For example, the idea that hostility and criticism of women was discouraged allowing them to develop inner security and self esteem, mentioned by Smith-Rosenburg isn’t necessarily the norm in today’s society. Smith-Rosenburg also mentioned the difference between mother-daughter relationships of the 19th century and today – the angst driven arguments that we perceive as common were rare. While the sexual segregation of the time was mentioned as the primary reason for the bonds between women, I think other factors may have helped the change along. For example, in many quotations from the letters used as sources in Smith-Rosenburg’s essay, the adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder” seemed to be true; women often wrote of longing to see each other in person again after having moved away from eachother. Advances in transportation would have removed some of the obstacles to physical separation and due to advances in technology, women no longer have to wait days or weeks to send letters to each other, but can communicate more quickly and frequently, perhaps removing some of the longing that may have solidified these bonds of sisterhood. Smith-Rosenburg also mentioned the power of common experiences such as pregnancy, childbirth, nursing and menstruation in forming bonds. As birth control became more widely accepted, available, and effective, the number of pregnancies would have decreased; improvements in health care might have limited births, (and miscarriages and stillbirths; Smith-Rosenburg mentioned mourning as a powerful bonding emotion as well); the advent of the bottle as a widely used and accepted alternatives to nursing and the pill in regulating or in some cases eliminating menstration could have also removed these biological functions as bonding mechanisms between women. Of course, the effect of these changes in women’s relationships with eachother would have been minor compared to the shift away from sexual segregation, and occurred over a long period of time, but I believe they are still important to note when discussing female relationships and their sexual aspects (or lack thereof).
The idea that “Love is spiritual, only passion sexual” expressed in Smith-Rosenburg’s essay when discussing the relationships between women, creates an interesting question when paired with Lystra’s assertion that in the 19th century sexual desire was the “natural physical accompaniment of romantic love.” Can romantic love exist without sexual passion?
Tags: 19th century, Childbirth, love, passion, women
