Jana Jefimova first came to America on a visit, and never expected to stay. However, when she went back to her native Estonia, she fell in love with America and she decided to move here permanently. She reflected over how her homeland and family dynamic influenced who she is and how she raises her daughter.

In the Motherland

I was born in Estonia, and it’s a small Baltic country. We used to be part of the USSR, and then in 1991 we become independent. So until 1938 to 1991, it was a part of Russian Federation, but that was a few years. Over 900 years back, it was a small, small Baltic country.

It’s my motherland. I was born there, my first steps there, my first words there, my education there; it’s my land. We have some relatives there. Of course there’s some warm nice feelings. So there’s some part of us here, and there’s some part of us there.

At age 7, I decided to be a doctor. And, I got where I wanted. I was working in emergencies, in my country. But coming here, and with all these barriers and with family, you have to make some choices. I wanted to step down to be available to my family, to be available after 5 o’clock, and to be home and everything. So, I stepped down, and I started to work as a tech and now I’m a manager at a practice. Now, I’m happy, very happy.

The only thing is that I miss patients, I miss my medical background, and I miss that, because right now, especially past eight years, I’ve only had an administrative job.

A “Complicated” Family

Before World War II, half of my family came from St. Petersburg, which is Russia. So during war they escaped and came to Estonia. Some part coming from St. Petersburg, and my other side is the German side. So after World War II, my parents were born and the family stayed there. And, that’s how it was.

My mother is Estonian; her family comes from Germany. My father comes from St. Petersburg. My grandfather’s from St. Petersburg, and some relatives still live there. Some relatives in St. Petersburg, some in Germany, and whoever came before and during war, some of them stayed and started families in Estonia. Because Estonia was kind of in between.

My parents kept me aside, because I wasn’t accepted by one side and then I wasn’t accepted by another side. It was difficult. It was very difficult. I was not allowed to be in any family pictures on one side of the family, and I wasn’t accepted on the other side of the family. It was very, very difficult for me. And, that could change people. Thank God my parents are still together. It’s a very strong family. And, you take it as it is; trying to make your life easier. You can’t change the facts, you can’t change your relatives, but you have to deal with it. That’s your life, so you have to make the best out of the situation.

I am good with both sides these days. How it’s influenced me? I’ve become more independent. I was thinking who I should be and who I would be, not to follow anybody, not to harm anybody, not to make any bad choices. So, I guess I had to make myself, not in a different way, but I guess in my own way. And I respect um all traditions and I respect all holidays, but I’m very personal inside.

Raising a Daughter

My daughter was born here. She went to day care, to a Russian day care. All learning, all singing, all subjects were in Russian language. And, she went to elementary school for six years, and she had to take Russian language twice a week: read and write. At home, it was Russian-language, and sometimes she didn’t like it and she had to answer in English. But, now she knows how to read and write. She reads newspapers all the time. And, I think it’s great. She went to Estonia. Estonia has a different language, and she learned quite a few words and sentences. My mother speaks Estonian and Russian, since she was a native Estonian. So, I was exposed to a few languages in the family, and I daughter is exposed to multiple languages as well.

I have a story about my daughter. Once, I was called into the principal’s office during her elementary school. Because, they were learning about the letter ‘S’ in school. So every student had to say a word that started with the letter ‘S.’ So, when the principal called me, I came. So the teacher talked to me, and everyone was saying “sun” or “smile,” so this young lady says to the teacher, “you’re silly.” And the principal says to her, you can’t talk to teacher like this. You can’t call her silly, even if it starts with an ‘S.’ So, I sit down with her and tell my daughter, “you can’t call the teacher silly, even if she is at some point and it starts with the letter ‘s.’ Sometimes, you can’t say your thoughts out loud.” She says, “mommy, I didn’t.” I said “yes, you did. You called the teacher silly.” She replied “I didn’t say she is stupid.” So, I said to the principal that she’s right. It starts with the letter ‘s.’ But that was a good lesson to not share your thoughts with teachers or most people.

I am very proud of my daughter, as a mother. Expectations: she’s met most of them. I hope she’s gonna be happy. That she’s gonna achieve her own goals, because for me to be happy, I have to see my daughter happy. She’s a very good girl. I’m proud of her. I am sure, I am sure she’s gonna get where she wants to get. I hope she’ll be happy and have a lot of grandkids.

The American Psyche

I dealt with America like every one else. I don’t think America is a culture. I think it’s a mixture of different cultures. And it’s a great country, because anybody can be who they are, they can keep their traditions, and America opens this opportunity that you wouldn’t have maybe in other countries. At the same time, you’re exposed to different things, so you have a great opportunity learn and experience life in general. So, it gives you lots and lots of choices. It is a free country.

Actually, the first time I came here, it was not my intention to stay here. I really liked how it felt here. Then, I went back to my country, and I missed America. I missed how I felt here. I felt the air is fresher and I felt better here as a person. Maybe because of my family. I just felt great and that’s what made me come here.

I came to America from a very conservative country, with very deep long traditions. And, I um think people had fewer choices in their lives and everything in Estonia. I think it is a great country. They give free education, a good education, the people are nice, they’re smart and they’re honest, but they would close their doors to me. When you’re here, you just know the country is yours, it’s very difficult to explain.

America is everything; everything you see is America. It depends what you want in your life. It gives you choices. You see here everything you want to see.

The transition to America was very easy, because when you’re here, in Brooklyn, you’re surrounded by Russian-speaking people, Russian food, Russian day cares, and obviously Russian elementary schools. Basically, you replace leaving in a way with more opportunities. I didn’t feel very negative. I came here the feel that this is mine. I have to live here to, so I have to make the best out of the situation. That part to me was easy.

This is my home now. Estonia is my home and it’s my families home. Of course, they come visit here, but my home is here. My home is where my family is and my family is here.

Last time we went to Estonia was three years ago, and we’re planning to go back soon. But, my parents coming here often, so do my cousins. And, I speak with them every single week. I have to call there. I have to speak with them. With my aunts, with my grandmothers, with everybody there.

Here is where everybody has a place. Everybody can find their place.