I was born and raised in New York City; however, I always refer to myself as Chinese American because of the way I was raised by my parents. With my American identity, it always felt like a given to me: I grew up listening to artists like Maroon 5 and watching shows like Full House. In other words, I was surrounded by so much American influence as well as consuming so much American culture that it felt easy for me to take on my American identity. This was a different case for my Chinese identity.
For some time now, it was hard for me to take on my Chinese identity. It wasn’t because I wasn’t proud of my Chinese background. More so, I didn’t feel worthy enough to call myself Chinese. I always felt like I had to prove my Chinese identity. For example, while speaking English is a given to me, I am not as proficient in Cantonese, and this always made me feel not “Chinese enough.” The hardest part is, my lack of ability to read, write or fluently speak Chinese isn’t due to a lack of trying. I have attended Chinese school on the weekend, but it just so happens to be that Chinese is one of the hardest languages to learn.
Currently, my mindset has changed. My proficiency with Cantonese is still not as good as it can be however, I realized that my Chinese identity also comes from the way my parents raised me. They raised me under the Confucius concept of filial piety which raises emphasis on respecting our elders, our parents and those who came before us. One way we reinforce this concept is by observing Tomb Sweeping Day.
On Tomb Sweeping Day, my family honors our ancestors by paying them a visit and providing offerings. I vividly remember annually going to the cemetery to visit the tombstones of old family members and friends who have helped my family greatly. On this visit, my family would clear away grass which may have covered the tomb stone, plant new flowers near the tomb stone, lay food and wine in front of the tomb stone (offering food to the ancestors), and burn fake money and gold near the tomb stone (it is believed that the ”money” and “gold” we burn will reach our ancestors for them to use).
As mentioned by Elena Franchi in her article “What is cultural heritage?”, “cultural heritage is not only limited to material objects that we can see and touch. It also consists of immaterial elements: traditions…” With that being said, my family’s tradition of honoring our ancestors through participating in Tomb Sweeping Day is an intangible aspect of cultural heritage. With my family’s tradition, there isn’t necessarily a material item which can be passed down generations to ensure our Chinese heritage is preserved making this aspect intangible. The part of our heritage that is passed down is the action of honoring our ancestors, the action of burning fake currency, and the action of providing offerings of food and wine.
As for how this tradition is being preserved and passed down, my parents continuously make the younger generation join along and actively help on Tomb Sweeping Day. By introducing this tradition to my brother, cousins, and I early on, it ensures that we know how to carry on this tradition once our parents may no longer be around to do so. Once again, in my family there is a big emphasis on obeying filial piety, and fulfilling this tradition and having future generations join along for Tomb-Sweeping Day ensures this concept and tradition will last far beyond our lifetime.
I agree that since American culture is always around us, sometimes it feel as if “I am not Chinese enough.” However, our identity is not something that we need to prove to others. It is completely fine if you are struggling with Cantonese. As long as you honor your traditions and beliefs, you are “Chinese enough.”
I completely relate to the feeling of having an American identity but not identifying with my ethnic cultural identity. However, I think one great thing about living in New York is that we have the opportunity to immerse ourselves in different cultures everywhere. The intermixing of the American cultures with other cultures creates the New York culture, which we all contribute to and benefit from.