by Brian Rivera
The First Four Scenes
CHARACTERS
COLLIN (main) 19 years old. Bisexual. Previous love interest of Meghan, now best friend. Current love interest of Dylan. Prideful, intelligent, and realistic. Isn’t afraid to call bullshit when he sees it.
MEGHAN (main) 20 years old. Straight. Previous love interest of Collin, now best friend. Cautious, an existential thinker. Prides herself on her search for self-actualization. Views others’ stupidity as a vice punishable by beating.
DYLAN (main) 18 years old. Gay. Reserved, cynical, pretentious, and generally skeptical. Has a “two-door” mentality when it comes to life.
ADULT MALE (supporting) Plays a variety of characters.
ADULT FEMALE (supporting) Plays a variety of characters.
TEENAGE FEMALE (supporting) Plays a variety of characters.
SETTING- The play takes place in the rooms that are within the characters’ respective homes, with the exception of the first scene in a basement of some sort.
TIME- Wednesday October 29th through Friday November 7th, 2016.
***
ACT 1
SCENE 1 – POP!
(Lights are dimmed. A transparent, triangular prism, perhaps made of crystal, appears downstage center. A synth line plays. Projections of flashbacks play around and through the prism: distorted and muffled with static, a la RENT’s “Finale B”, but more twisted. Each character is revealed with their own light through the prism: Meghan lit in purple, Dylan in green, Weird Girl lit in white, and Collin in blue. All of them are holding carbon dioxide-filled balloons with their names on them. Lights come up on an LGBTQI support group known as “Prism,” in the basement level of one of the official buildings of a college. One adult male counselor and one adult female counselor, both remaining unnamed, lead the group. Both have the enthusiasm of motivational speakers at a business conference. It is Wednesday, October 29th, 2014, at approximately 4:00pm.)
MALE COUNSELOR & FEMALE COUNSELOR
Aaaaaaaaand – POP!
(Everyone pops their balloons with needles)
FEMALE COUNSELOR
(Enthusiastically) There! Now all the problems that you exhaled into your balloons are gone! (Smiling) How does everyone else feel?
WEIRD GIRL
(Groans a la Tina Belcher) Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh –
FEMALE COUNSELOR
(Smile widens) I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that!
WEIRD GIRL
(Groans a la Tina Belcher) Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
(Dylan scoffs, while the others try to hide their laughter)
FEMALE COUNSELOR
(Hestitant, continuing to smile) Okaaaay!
MALE COUNSELOR
Well. I, for one, feel completely empty… (Beat) EMPTY OF ALL THAT NEGATIVITY I WAS FEELING! (Forces laughter)
DYLAN
(Overlapping) Ohhhhhh my god (Brings hands to forehead)
WEIRD GIRL
(Overlapping) Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
(Dylan and WG acknowledge each other)
MALE COUNSELOR
(Calmly) I once was gassy from problems, but just now, have let out a big fart, and I am now free!
FEMALE COUNSELOR
(Forces laughter) Good bye, big fart!
(As MC and FC wave goodbye to the “big fart,” Meghan and Collin are in the middle of a side conversation, trying to mask their sarcastic laughter. Meanwhile WG decides to stand up and “stretch.”)
COLLIN
(Clears throat) Sooooooo. (Beat) Are we gonna be done soon, (Tongue click) or naw?
FEMALE COUNSELOR
Are any of you in a rush to get out?
DYLAN
(Overlapping) Yeah, I mean there’s this John Waters Retrospective happening at –
MEGHAN
(Overlapping) As much as I’m lovin’ these stress exercises, I’d rather do –
COLLIN
(Overlapping) I’d honestly rather be any place but here –
WEIRD GIRL
(Mumbles) I might have a few minutes to spare.
(Everyone takes a moment to acknowledge that WG just spoke actual words)
BOTH COUNSELORS
(Giving each other forced smiles) Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….
MALE COUNSELOR
(Overlapping) If we just wait a few more minutes I’m positively sure that we can –
FEMALE COUNSELOR
(Overlapping) I guess it wouldn’t do any harm to stop a few minutes early today.
(Varied sighs of relief from Collin, Dylan, and Meghan, with varying Yas’s, Turn Up’s, etc., along with an audible “Uhhhh” from TF as she packs up and shuffles away. As the adults exit, they engage in muffled conversation about how great of a job they think they’re doing.)
MEGHAN
(Finds a familiar item on Dylan’s seat) Hey! Dylan, wait! I think you left something!
DYLAN
Hmmm?
MEGHAN
You left this on your seat. A ring? (Looking more closely) Wait. Collin has a ring just like that. That’s so weird. (To Collin) Hey, look at Dylan’s ring – it’s like that one you wear that you got at the DIY kiosk at Governor’s Ball last sum – wait. You’re not wearing yours.
COLLIN
No, I’m not… (Looks at Dylan) Dylan has mine.
MEGHAN
(Clueless) Why?
COLLIN
Well, I, uh –
DYLAN
That’s his little way of asking me to “go steady” like we’re on some “very special episode” of Full House. (To Collin) I’m gonna jet, so, text me later?
COLLIN
(Smirking) Yeah.
DYLAN
(To Collin) Have fun, babe. (Kisses Collin)
(Pause)
MEGHAN
THERE ARE THINGS HAPPENING, RIGHT NOW!
DYLAN
(Sneers) I’m gonna take my scripted exit now, so buh-bye!
(Dylan exits.)
MEGHAN
(Astonished) Wow. “Babe?” When was the last time you had a babe?
COLLIN
(Snickers) I believe it was when I was with you.
MEGHAN
(High-fives herself) Yeah it was! (Gives Collin a gentle face slap) You. Got. Some. Ex. ‘Splain. In. To. Doooooooooo.
COLLIN
(Putting his arm around Meghan) I’ll tell you on the way home.
MEGHAN
Wait!
COLLIN
What?
MEGHAN
(Looking around) I’m just making sure that bitch actually went home and doesn’t follow me out of here like last week.
(Collin gives Meghan a sarcastic, yet vexed glance. They both exit. Blackout.)
***
SCENE 2 – Thunder and Lightning
(Lights are dimmed, revealing a doll-house structured home a la Next to Normal. There are 6 rooms: Collin’s room, Dylan’s room, Meghan’s room, a neutral living room, a neutral kitchen, and a neutral dining room. Note that these are all rooms within different homes, depending on the scene. A synth line plays, along with a soft bass line. Projections of flashbacks play over the various rooms. Children’s laughter is heard, fading in and out. Meghan appears, center stage, holding a prism, inspecting it. She places it in a box. She then passes that box to Dylan, who seems to not even want to look or touch it, quickly passing it off to Collin, who takes a deep breath and holds it. Still holding his breath, he walks up to his room. Collin sits down on the bed, and gradually exhales. He opens the box, and doesn’t pull out the prism, but pulls out a rubix cube. As lights come up, Meghan appears in the kitchen, searching for something in the freezer. Collin is up in his room messing around with the rubix cube, but then gets frustrated and throws it at the wall.)
MEGHAN
(Shouting) WOAH! Everything okay in there?
COLLIN
(Hesitating) Y-Yeah!
MEGHAN
(Finds what she was looking for) YES! Hey, Collin? Can I make these Totino’s Pizza Rolls or would you hate me?
COLLIN
I would probably question why it was we fell out of love in the first place.
MEGHAN
(Under her breath) It’s not like I do that all the time, but –
COLLIN
(Yells out the door) I hope you’re making all of them!
MEGHAN
(Pours out entire bag and pauses) I’m way ahead of you.
(Lights go out on Collin’s room and dim on the kitchen. Lights come up on Dylan’s room, where there is a box with a prism in it. He looks at the prism for a minute, then sets it on his desk. He starts to organize his outfits for the week when his mother enters.)
DYLAN’S MOTHER
(Knocks) Everything okay in here?
DYLAN
(Unaware) If I wear that on Wednesday, then people that I’m seeing on Wednesday and Thursday are going to know I wore that sweater the day before… UGH!
(DM starts to snicker)
(Noticing his mother in the doorway) I know you’re an interior designer but you have no idea how hard it is to design an exterior –
DYLAN’S MOTHER
Excuse me! Our decoration scheme in this house is a work of art, and you, my beautiful son, are definitely a piece of work. (Grabbing his cheek)
(Dylan scoffs and returns to his organizing.)
What’s that on your finger?
DYLAN
(Quite literally) A ring? Y’know those round circular things that are shiny and go around your fing –
DYLAN’S MOTHER
HEY! Attitude. Watch it. Is that new?
DYLAN
Yeah.
DYLAN’S MOTHER
Did you buy it?
DYLAN
No.
DYLAN’S MOTHER
Did you steal it? (Overlapping) Dylan how many times have I told you to not go with the five finger discount –
DYLAN
(Overlapping) No. Ma. No. No. MA. MA. MOM. MAUREE –
(DM shoots him “the look.”)
Collin gave it to me.
DYLAN’S MOTHER
(As if she’s hit the jackpot) Collin? (Dylan nods his head.) Who exactly is Collin?
DYLAN
He’s a….um…he’s my…well we don’t have a label or anything but –
DYLAN’S MOTHER
(Interrupting) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Dylan oh my GOODness. Okay. I have to know. Where did you meet? How long have you been seeing each other? Have you guys said “I love you” yet? Oh my goodness, baby, you FOUND someone. Lord knows how worried I was, what with your cynicism and overall distaste for life I never thought my baby’s little frozen heart could EVER be thaw –
DYLAN
(Overlapping) Ma, do we have to do this now? Ma. No. Hey. MA. MA. MOM!
DYLAN’S MOTHER
Well, I was just trying to be supportive.(Dylan lets out a heavy sigh and sits down at his desk.)
Look, ever since you came out to us in the family group message, you’ve been even more temperamental than usual. I would’ve thought that you coming out would bring us closer… look, if you don’t want to talk then fine, but I’m just letting you know that I’m here,
(Kisses Dylan’s forehead.)
even if you don’t want me to be.
(Exits out the door.)
DYLAN
Shut the door on your way out – ugh she never shuts the fucking door
(As Dylan slams the door shut and lays down on the bed, lights dim on his room, and come up on the dining room, where Collin and Meghan are carnivorously eating Totino’s Pizza Rolls.)
COLLIN
This was the greatest decision we could have possibly made.
MEGHAN
There’s never a time where pizza rolls aren’t the greatest decision we could possibly make. (With a full mouth) So…
COLLIN
(Stops for a second) Sooooooooo…
MEGHAN
Soooooooo you’re just going to avoid talking about it or…?
COLLIN
What? Dylan?
(Meghan makes an unamused face.)
FINE! Fine. I gotta say, though, this is a little weird to talk about with you.
MEGHAN
(Clueless) Why?
COLLIN
Meg we literally broke up 7 months ago. Everything still feels…y’know…fresh?
MEGHAN
Stop being an emotional pussybaby. We’ve already had this discussion – (putting on a fake Collin voice) “I’m not emotionally stable enough or confident enough in my own sexuality to be able to take on a relationship right now, plus with school and everything, I think it’s just best if we” –
COLLIN
Okay – ONE: I don’t sound like that. TWO: I’m just making sure that we’re still okay on that side of things before I, y’know, divulge this –
MEGHAN
Stop. Stop talking. Again, we had this discussion already. We were best friends before we were in a relationship together. We started to lose our friendship to our relationship. We broke up. You told me you were bi right off the bat, and then your parents yada yada yada… It took a while, but we’re best friends, now. Just best friends. So, in hindsight, you’re supposed to be able to tell me everything, and vice versa. Now stop being a pussybaby and tell me!
COLLIN
I met him on Tinder.
(Meghan tries not to laugh.)
Okay, can you not laugh? Thanks. Aaaaaaaanyway, we met on Tinder. We went on a date to the beach. We did some stuff on that date, and the other dates after that, and I guess we….kind’ve…really…connected.
(There is an “apparent heartbreak” in Meg’s face, according to Collin.)
So… that’s it. We haven’t really “defined the relationship” but I think it’s real. I hope it’s real. Meg, are you crying?
MEGHAN
(Sniffling) Um….n-no…
(Surprises Collin with an emotional embrace.)
I…I’m just…really happy for you, is all. Come on, don’t look at me like that. This is not one of those fake “I’m happy for you because you deserve to be happy” moments. It’s one of those “my best friend who really does deserve to be happy so I’m happy for him” moments.
COLLIN
(Sniffling) Wow, I don’t know what to say.
MEGHAN
I, uh… actually have to go, though. My dad just texted me. You know how he gets. I’ll um… (wipes face) talk to you later?
COLLIN
(Lifting up Meghan’s chin) Stop being an emotional pussybaby.
(Blackout.)
***
SCENE 3 – Lessened Blows
(Lights are dim. Projections play of Dylan and Collin’s first conversation on Tinder. As that conversation comes to a halt, a cell phone call tone starts to fade in, as does a cell phone ringtone. Projections now become phone screens, displaying calls in progress. Lights come up on Dylan’s kitchen and Collin’s living room. It is about 12:30 a.m., October 30th, 2014. Crickets are heard in the distance. Dylan’s mother and Collin’s father are seen seated in the dining room and living room, respectively. Both are reading the New York Times and Buzzfeed on their tablets, respectively: iPad for DM, Kindle Fire for CF. Collin waits rather impatiently for Dylan to answer his phone.)
COLLIN
(Under his breath) Are you gonna pick up or…?
(Dylan hears the phone ring and picks it up, but then puts it back down.)
(Frustrated) If this asshat cleared his contacts again, I swear he’s –
(Dylan rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders, as if to say, “Whatever.” He picks up the phone again and answers it.)
DYLAN
(Hesitant) H-Hello?
COLLIN
(Relieved) Wow, look at that. You actually picked up.
DYLAN
(Defensively) Um, who the fuck is this?
COLLIN
(Rolling his eyes) Dylan, for fuck’s sake, it’s Collin –
DYLAN
(Quickly) – Oh. Shit. Sorry. (Laughs) I, uh, deleted my contacts –
COLLIN
Yeah I kinda realized… Why exactly do you insist on doing that?
DYLAN
(Sarcastically) More space for selfies.
(Collin mugs at the phone and sits up in his chair.)
COLLIN
PLEASE tell me that you’re joking… kind of questioning –
DYLAN
Of course I’m kidding. Geez. You can’t even be sarcastic on the phone without someone not getting it. I like the surprise of not knowing who’s calling. I’m a 90’s kid. Shoot me. Scream didn’t traumatize me. I don’t need Caller ID to make me feel better –
COLLIN
(With a mocking tone) “More space for selfies.” (Sarcastically) Well, it sure sounds like you.
DYLAN
(Calmly offended) Um. I resent that.
COLLIN
(With a mocking tone) “Geez. You can’t even be sarcastic on the phone these” –
DYLAN
(Annoyed) Okay, I get it, smartass. (Lighter) So, how are you? What did you and Meghan end up doing after Prism?
(Collin gets up and starts walking to his room.)
COLLIN
Well, we came back to my house, made Totino’s Pizza Rolls – (brags) Yeah. I know. – Then she just wanted to know about how we even remotely became a thing and I told her how we met on Tinder and about our first date, how we did some stuff – Don’t worry, I didn’t go into detail – and how we, y’know, hit it off and really connected.
DYLAN
(Smirks) Wow, that feels like forever ago, even though it’s only been like three weeks.
COLLIN
Yeah, weird, right?
DYLAN
Yeah, haha… Wait. So, like, what did Meghan say about all of that?
COLLIN
Well, she kinda cried.
DYLAN
(Confused) Um. Why, exactly, was she crying?
COLLIN
Honestly, I think she might still be in love with me… That’s not even me being full of myself. It really looked like she was feeling down when I was telling her about us. I mean, don’t get me wrong. We’ve worked through a lot of shit over the past seven months. I know it’s gotta be really hard seeing your ex date someone else, but seeing them with the other gender? Probably a little harder to get over, even though it shouldn’t be, but that’s the world we live in. (Sighs) It sucks having that much history with someone. You can’t look at them the same way. It’s impossible. Your view of them is just permanently, I dunno, fucked. Totally fucked. It’s sad…
DYLAN
I’m sorry if this sounds insensitive or whatnot, but still being in love with your ex-boyfriend after he basically told you he’s gay, is kind of, a little, pathetic. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Meghan’s a really sweet girl and she definitely has her moments – we’re definitely warming up to each other – but something’s definitely a little off with that whole…situation.
COLLIN
(Vexed) Um, babe, what did you say that I told Meghan?
DYLAN
(Clueless) What? That you were gay?
COLLIN
(Frankly) Uh, yah. I never said that to her.
DYLAN
Well, by dating me, you’re basically saying that –
COLLIN
No… I told you I’m bi… Meghan knew I liked guys, too, before we even started dating –
DYLAN
Collin, you’re out of that little straight phase of yours, you can stop saying you “like guys, too” –
COLLIN
What?! Do you even realize how fucked up you sound right now? I genuinely loved Meghan. Fuck. I still do. I’ll always love her. You didn’t know me when I – Wh-What are you even saying?
DYLAN
(Still clueless) Oh my god, can you calm down? I didn’t realize this was such a sore spot with you. I had a beard too, like, back in middle school, and I loved her too. I loved that she helped me survive and fit in before I was confident enough in myself to be able to own who I really was and who I was meant to be –
COLLIN
(Settling down as to not reach a boiling point) If you’re gonna be one of those then –
DYLAN
(Interrupting) Um. One of what, exactly?
COLLIN
(Stops himself) I’m gonna hang up before I say some shit I regret…
(Collin hangs up the phone. His phone screen projection stops.)
DYLAN
(Stunned) Um. Alright. (Sighs) Fresh gays…
(Dylan’s phone screen projection stops. Blackout.)
***
SCENE 4 – Diary Entry #1
(Lights are dim on Meghan’s room. She is wrapped in a snuggie, rolling a blunt at her desk. It is 3:00 a.m., October 30th, and even the crickets are asleep. She goes to pillow and pulls out an embroidered diary that she’s had since she was nine years old. She starts to write in her diary, and a voiceover narration of what she is writing can be heard.)
MEGHAN VOICEOVER
“Dear Diary,
It’s 3:00 a.m. and I’m tired. Tired… of a lot of things. One, I’m tired of my family asking me when I’m ‘getting back’ with Collin. Two, I’m tired of Collin looking at me with those ‘Are you okay?’ eyes of his. I’m okay. I really am. I feel like Collin’s making this into a bigger deal than it is. As if he needs constant verification that we’re doing the right thing by not being together. It really is the right thing. I hope that, deep down, he knows that. If we didn’t break up, I would have lost my best friend. Temporary love isn’t fucking worth that loss,
(Meghan looks down at her vagina.)
and neither is temporary pleasure… no matter how good.
Diary, we’ve been through the ringer, you and I. Don’t we deserve to be happy? Don’t we deserve to know what it feels like to act by ourselves, for ourselves? I lost touch with almost everyone in my fucking life. Collin’s all I have. No. Scratch that. Collin and I, are all I have. Fuck. I know I need to be more focused on myself. I don’t know how to be self-sufficient anymore. After all that bullshit played out, every one just wrote me off as this crazy, dependent, agoraphobic little shit. Can I just say, by the way, that I fucking love the outdoors? I just hate the people that occupy that area. I’m worth so much more than that. I am so much more than that…
Diary, why am I not believing my own words?”
MEGHAN
Maybe it’s because I’m literally bleeding 90’s angst.
(Meghan starts heavily inhaling her blunt and paces around her room. She picks up a prism with a note from her late mother on it, and sits down on her bed. Meghan’s father abruptly enters.)
MEGHAN’S FATHER
(In a sleepwalker’s daze) What’s that smell?
(Meghan looks at him, and takes a deep breath.)
MEGHAN VOICEOVER
(Proudly) Total, one hundred percent clarity.
MEGHAN
(Unenthusiastically) Incense.
To be continued…
