by Erin Ajello
To the first:
(Heaven knows you’re not the last)
To the only blue eyes
(That haunt me from the past)
To the first few drinks
(Drink up once again)
To my first kiss
(Recorded with blood and pen)
Was it good for you?
Was anything about the years I wasted calling
Sighing
Crying
Choking on your name
Worth it for at least one of us?
It did no good for me
They told me that you wouldn’t be good for me
But what did they know?
What was the advice of parents and best friends when thrown against the shine of your smile?
I told them all to bite their tongue
I didn’t need to
You did it for me
I didn’t need them
Your approval was everything
Your kiss a reward
You sure as hell made me work for it
And I did, gladly
Pathetically
I’ll say it now because I see it now
You used me, and I knew it, and I let you
I loved you
I loved you with the kind of strength and stupidity only a sixteen year old can manage
You kissed me, dumped me, screamed at me, held me, and kissed me again
Not always in that order
How many friends did we lie to?
How many people thought we were just friends?
How many thought we were more without knowing that we were better off without each other?
Aren’t we?
It’s been months since I saw you
Not two years since I last kissed you
How many new pairs of lips have passed in that time?
Ten for me
Both guys and girls have come and gone
Yet you’re still what my mind trips on,
Memories that send my head and heart into chaos and keep me awake
How long does it take to heal from poison when it’s taken through the mouth of another and goes directly to the heart?
Maybe there is no cure
Maybe it just kills one slowly
I only want to know how much longer it’ll be before I get you out of my system
I’m tired of any time I’ve wasted in tears for you
I’m through with sleepless nights over thoughts revolving around you
All that is left is writing you out
Condemning you to immortality that has yet to do much good for me
Maybe this way, I can haunt you for a change
Enjoy eternity, baby
I’ve had enough of you for a lifetime
Xoxo,
Ex’s and their words though
