by Keti Tsotskolauri
***
Day 1 of living together
Me: “Do we have to wear pants while we are in our room?”
My roommate: “Nah.”
We both proceed to chill in oversized shirts. What are pants again?
***
“Here’s to being irresponsible,” I said as I picked up my phone and walked out with my roommate.
We were finally ready to get Domino’s.
1 hour later
I glanced at the empty pizza box, wondering if we had taken irresponsibility too far.
“Do you think it’s bad that we ate the entire thing?”
“Probably,” answered my roommate as she chugged a cup of Coca-Cola
***
10:30 P.M.
My roommate: “I love how we’ve been wearing the exact same outfit for three days.”
Me: “Shhh. No one else knows. Now let’s go get some donuts.”
***
Typical college day
My roommate: “Can we adult today?”
Me: “Nah too much work.”
My roommate: “Okay cool.”
We both go back to watching YouTube videos while lying in our extremely comfortable beds.
***
Me: “I’m just not okay with this.”
My roommate: “…”
Me: “How could they do this? What if they don’t come back?”
My roommate: “…”
Me: “I just love One Direction, okay?”
My roommate: “I met them once but I didn’t care.”
Me: “OMG”
***
Me: opens the freezer to find frozen pancakes
Me: “Dude, did you freeze your coffee?”
My roommate: “Maybe.”
***
September 4th
1:06 P.M.
Me: withdrew money from an ATM
Me: feeling like an adult
Me: pulling the door
Me: “Why won’t this door open?”
My roommate: “… It says push.”
Me: “O”
***
Store: up to 70% off
My roommate: “OOOOO”
Me: “No we are buying food only.”
My roommate: “yeah but it doesn’t hurt to look.”
Me: “…”
***
My roommate: “We have to go to the gym today.”
Me: “NOOOO.”
My roommate: “I’m taking all the food to the gym if you don’t go.”
Me: “You devil woman.”
***
At the gym
My roommate: Heads to the treadmill
Me: “Haha, no, I don’t run.”
My roommate: WTH
Me: casually walks in the opposite direction
***
Me everyday: “Follow me, I’ve gotten lost everywhere. I got this.”
***
My roommate: starts chewing gum while she’s super hungry
Me: “You’re giving your poor stomach false hope.”
My roommate: “Eh. It’s okay.”
***
My roommate: “I could go for Shake Shack right now.”
Me: “WE HAVE FOOD.”
My roommate: “Yeah, but it’s not Shake Shack.”
Me: “We are legit carrying two huge bags of groceries right now.”
My roommate: “But…”
Me: wraps her hair around her mouth so she’ll stop talking.
***
Me: “What should I do my informative speech on?”
My roommate: looks up the most gruesome crime details
My roommate: “So this person got killed by being chopped up into…”
***
9:50 AM
Me: “I hate mornings so much.”
Me: “And morning people.”
Me: “How the hell can people be happy this early?”
My roommate: “…”
5 minutes later
Me: “I really hate mornings.”
My roommate: “I know. The first sound you make when you wake up is ‘UGH’”
***
Me: leaving the library
Me: sees roommate
Me: “???”
My roommate: “My first class got canceled.”
Me: “…”
Me: “I hate you so much.”
***
I cleared my throat, preparing for the life changing toast. I looked over at my roommate before proceeding.
“Here’s to living together for a week and not hating each other,” I said as I raised my water bottle.
