by Lindsay Griffiths
Close your eyes. Keep them closed or they’ll leak. You don’t want them to leak. Breathe, in, out. Feel your chest rise, your belly fill. Feel your will being bent under the weight of forces you cannot control.
No control. Hold fast to the certainty of uncertainty, to the knowledge that good is just as likely as bad, and fate is prone to falling in your favor.
Breathe. Your eyes are stinging, I know. But you have to breathe, evenly, calmly, or you’ll scream. All you know for sure is that you don’t know anything. Yes, that’s all you know. And it’s okay to have no idea where you’ll be in three years. The only thing you can do is prepare yourself for all outcomes. Set yourself up, dress your life up, so that success finds you attractive and comes calling.
You don’t want to waste it. I know. You don’t want to waste the brief time you’ve been given on this Earth.
Time. Time pushes against you. You and Time, you two struggle like you’re back to back leaning against each other, pushing, pushing. Don’t let Time knock you over. Tame it, domesticate it, make it your timid ally. I know. You’re afraid, you’re intimidated. It’s pushing you, rushing you. But Time is the great equalizer too. It passes just as quickly for everyone else.
Breathe. You are not alone. Breathe. You are not alone.
Your heart rate is accelerating, but there’s no need. You’re still anxious, because you understand, but “be still, my heart” isn’t a powerful enough command. It’s okay. That pounding in your chest, that constant drumbeat, should be your favorite song because it means that you’re alive, that you have more time. I know, you don’t think it’s a drumbeat. You think it’s a time bomb, ominous, counting down. And I’m telling you maybe you’re right. It’s ticking, but don’t think that each tick is bringing you closer to death.
Know that each tick brings you closer to the glorious explosion when all you carry within you, all your ideas, all your passion, that very heart of yours, when everything comes bursting out of you and into the big, wide world.
