by Erin Ajello
I have always felt so empty,
hollow at the core,
lacking something “more”.
Inside me lay only a vast void,
a gargantuan silence,
an enormous abyss.
I thought what was missing was gleeful,
a joyful innocence,
perhaps happiness.
In my teenage years I sought to fill this,
stuffing myself with poison,
gorging to fill what’s within.
Instead of fixing myself, I lost myself,
my originality,
my true personality.
In time, I came back to my senses,
felt more alive,
learned to survive.
And then-
Doctor, Doctor, tell me what’s wrong
There’s been so much pain for too long.
I cannot begin to comprehend
How my body can create so much red.
Please darling, come in, sit down.
I wish earlier you would have come ‘round.
We may need to run more tests,
We’ll share the results after a rest.
Empty,
Empty,
I knew I was empty.
Broken,
Broken,
It’s confirmed, I’m broken.
No children,
No family,
No motherhood for me.
Godfuckingdamn infertility.
