First off, what do I mean by “judgment”?
Well, my parents have been quite supportive of my plans to study abroad for a year. I’m surprised. Growing up, they rarely let me go to a friend’s house let alone sleepover. To this day, I’ve still never gone to a sleepover 🙁 To sum it all up, my parents are overprotective. Which is why I’m shocked that I didn’t even have to argue my case for studying abroad. A month may not be too bad. But a year?! They’re letting me live in a foreign country alone for a year?! Surprise!
Those are also the sentiments of my relatives and basically any adult that comes in contact with this information. “You’re letting your daughter go to Paris for a year? Really? And you’re not worried or scared.”
I never really discussed my plans with my parents until recently, more than a year after I began planning my trip. I didn’t want to confront them for fear of disputes, disagreements, and arguments. Luckily, when I did confront the subject of me studying abroad, they didn’t say much. My mother, however, did occasionally mention her concerns and worries. Naturally, of course. She said she would prefer if I didn’t go away. But nothing more than that. And I completely understand these reservations that she has. But what’s been seriously bothering me is the little comments my parents occasionally throw at me about how much better America is, how I’ll realize that I’m living a dream right now, how Europe (and especially Paris) is poor, how living in America is a luxury, how the Parisians are not friendly, how everyone hates Americans because we’re at the top, how Americans are the nicest people in the world, how they don’t even have air conditioning or big cars in Paris, how much more dangerous Paris is than all of America, etc. These sweeping generalizations and greatly biased opinions really hit me in a weak spot. Why? Because of the way my parents phrase them.
Whenever my parents bring up these negative aspects of Paris and extremely positive aspects of America, they speak of Paris in a condescending manner while dressing it up in the guise of “just letting you know what to expect” or “just trying to help you out.” And while I do think these sentiments are partially true, I think I great big deal of the negativity of these statements come from their secret disapproval of me studying abroad. They want to be supportive parents, but at the same time, they don’t want to let me go. Also, because they immigrated from devastation in Vietnam and made a comfortable and prosperous life in America, they feel an affinity to this country. Therefore, they see it necessary to almost underhandedly attack my plans. They don’t understand why I would ever want to leave for more than a vacation. But here’s the thing: I never said I wanted to move to Paris forever. I never expressed romantic, media-influenced ideas of France. My expectations and visions of my time abroad are very grounded in reality. I no longer romanticize Paris. I see its beauty and its flaws. I don’t think Paris is perfect at all. And I love Paris for what I imagine it to be like, but I’m not in love with an unrealistic idea. Plus, I very much love living in New York.
I wouldn’t be writing this post if my parents said good things and bad things about Paris and America. However, they basically stick to America = good, Paris = bad. In some ways, I think they are trying to slightly infuriate me because they are frustrated knowing that I won’t change my mind about studying abroad. And I know this because I do it to my parents quite often. After all, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. But enough of clichés.
Dealing with this judgment:
Whenever this topic comes up, I try to confront them. But as we’re all stubborn, our conversations usually end up as fighting contests. No fun. So, I’ve learned to, once in a while, express my thoughts on their statements and then end the conversation there. Other times, when they say one thing bad about Paris, I’ll say when thing good (though this rarely works out. My parents will just say I’m talking back and they’ll try to find a way to disapprove my positive rebuttal). I won’t try to argue anymore because it’s basically pointless. For now, I think the best solution is to take everything with a grain of salt, enjoy my year abroad, and come back to dispel their misguided, preconceived, negative judgments, ideas, notions, and stereotypes.
Why can’t we all be friends?
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Has this happened to you? How did you handle it? And/or do you have any advice for me? I know I titled this “Dealing with Judgment,” but it isn’t a post on how to do so. It is a post on how I’ve done so.
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I noticed I said “my parents” a lot, but it’s more of “my father.” And I hope this post didn’t come out sounding like an angry rant. I love my parents all the same. I’m just tired and frustrated of all this negativity. This post was merely to inform you of one of the aspects in my personal studying abroad process. Who knows? Maybe you’re dealing with similar problems! Then we can bond over it~
