First off, what do I mean by “judgment”?

Well, my parents have been quite supportive of my plans to study abroad for a year. I’m surprised. Growing up, they rarely let me go to a friend’s house let alone sleepover. To this day, I’ve still never gone to a sleepover 🙁 To sum it all up, my parents are overprotective. Which is why I’m shocked that I didn’t even have to argue my case for studying abroad. A month may not be too bad. But a year?! They’re letting me live in a foreign country alone for a year?! Surprise!

Those are also the sentiments of my relatives and basically any adult that comes in contact with this information. “You’re letting your daughter go to Paris for a year? Really? And you’re not worried or scared.”

I never really discussed my plans with my parents until recently, more than a year after I began planning my trip. I didn’t want to confront them for fear of disputes, disagreements, and arguments. Luckily, when I did confront the subject of me studying abroad, they didn’t say much. My mother, however, did occasionally mention her concerns and worries. Naturally, of course. She said she would prefer if I didn’t go away. But nothing more than that. And I completely understand these reservations that she has. But what’s been seriously bothering me is the little comments my parents occasionally throw at me about how much better America is, how I’ll realize that I’m living a dream right now, how Europe (and especially Paris) is poor, how living in America is a luxury, how the Parisians are not friendly, how everyone hates Americans because we’re at the top, how Americans are the nicest people in the world, how they don’t even have air conditioning or big cars in Paris, how much more dangerous Paris is than all of America, etc. These sweeping generalizations and greatly biased opinions really hit me in a weak spot. Why? Because of the way my parents phrase them.

Whenever my parents bring up these negative aspects of Paris and extremely positive aspects of America, they speak of Paris in a condescending manner while dressing it up in the guise of “just letting you know what to expect” or “just trying to help you out.” And while I do think these sentiments are partially true, I think I great big deal of the negativity of these statements come from their secret disapproval of me studying abroad. They want to be supportive parents, but at the same time, they don’t want to let me go. Also, because they immigrated from devastation in Vietnam and made a comfortable and prosperous life in America, they feel an affinity to this country. Therefore, they see it necessary to almost underhandedly attack my plans. They don’t understand why I would ever want to leave for more than a vacation. But here’s the thing: I never said I wanted to move to Paris forever. I never expressed romantic, media-influenced ideas of France. My expectations and visions of my time abroad are very grounded in reality. I no longer romanticize Paris. I see its beauty and its flaws. I don’t think Paris is perfect at all. And I love Paris for what I imagine it to be like, but I’m not in love with an unrealistic idea. Plus, I very much love living in New York.

I wouldn’t be writing this post if my parents said good things and bad things about Paris and America. However, they basically stick to America = good, Paris = bad. In some ways, I think they are trying to slightly infuriate me because they are frustrated knowing that I won’t change my mind about studying abroad. And I know this because I do it to my parents quite often. After all, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. But enough of clichés.

Dealing with this judgment:

Whenever this topic comes up, I try to confront them. But as we’re all stubborn, our conversations usually end up as fighting contests. No fun. So, I’ve learned to, once in a while, express my thoughts on their statements and then end the conversation there. Other times, when they say one thing bad about Paris, I’ll say when thing good (though this rarely works out. My parents will just say I’m talking back and they’ll try to find a way to disapprove my positive rebuttal). I won’t try to argue anymore because it’s basically pointless. For now, I think the best solution is to take everything with a grain of salt, enjoy my year abroad, and come back to dispel their misguided, preconceived, negative judgments, ideas, notions, and stereotypes.

Why can’t we all be friends?

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Has this happened to you? How did you handle it? And/or do you have any advice for me? I know I titled this “Dealing with Judgment,” but it isn’t a post on how to do so. It is a post on how I’ve done so.

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I noticed I said “my parents” a lot, but it’s more of “my father.” And I hope this post didn’t come out sounding like an angry rant. I love my parents all the same. I’m just tired and frustrated of all this negativity. This post was merely to inform you of one of the aspects in my personal studying abroad process. Who knows? Maybe you’re dealing with similar problems! Then we can bond over it~

If you know me, you probably know that I’ve wanted to study in France since forever. If you met me in college, you probably thought I had everything already planned out before I even started college. Well, that’s partially true. I have wanted to study in France for ages before starting college. In fact, this was one of the many reasons that drew me to Macaulay. I could study abroad for a year without hurting my bank account and still graduate in four years. (Well, the last part is a bit iffy at the moment, but I’ll get to that another time.)

But, I didn’t always want to go to Paris. In fact, the process to choosing a location, at times not even in France, was a long and ever-so-changing one.

I am indecisive. I like too many things, but have too little time and quite frankly, I think I ask a bit too much out of life sometimes. Actually, I take that back. I don’t think anyone could ever ask too much out of life. But I do think that I want more than is physically possible. You win some, you lose some. The important thing though is that you make your decisions so that you win more than you lose. Haha.

So initially, I wanted to go EVERYWHERE. In fact, I still do now. But I realize that that’s not possible, at the moment. (I will get to everywhere one day!) And I didn’t even want to go to Paris. I wanted to go to a quaint small town in the country. I had this romantic idea of me bicycling along a path of vineyards on my way to school in a nice flowy dress with a huge floppy hat, sunglasses, and a cute backpack. I’m kind of embarrassed when I think back at this now. But hey, life is too short for shame. There was a grain of realism to this though. In my senior year of high school, I was dead set on going away to college. I wanted to experience life away from the city, with lots of open green space and a small, tight community. I have lived in New York City all my life. I wanted a change. I’m not scared of change. I love change. But this plan fell through. So I was a little bitter at the beginning of my freshman year. (However, now I am so glad I chose Macaulay and stayed in the city. I think I’ll do a post about this on my other eportfolio. And I’ll link it here when I actually write it.) Therefore, I was adamant about finding a countryside place to study abroad in France.

I researched so much. I went through so many phases. I wrote a bit about this on my other eportfolio. (Click here to read it.) However, I’ll break it down again here:

1.  In 6th grade, every student in my middle school would take a sampler course of Spanish, French, and Italian. Then, by the end of the year, we would choose which language we wanted to pursue.  If you chose Spanish, you would most likely get it, but if you opted for French or Italian, due to the lack of classes available, the chances were a lot smaller. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to get to take French. Why did I choose French? Well, I love all languages (but not equally. Shh! Don’t tell.) And I naturally pick them up quickly – all the mechanics, grammar, nuances, pronunciation, etc. Spanish was fun and easy, but a bit dull. And as the marking periods went on, my grades kept dropping. I really loved Italian, however, both of my Italian teachers had went on pregnancy leave while they were teaching me! And that made all the difference, because if I actually learned Italian for the whole sampler course period, I might have chosen it over French. French on the other hand, came to me the most naturally. I loved the way it sounded and the challenge of taking a language most deem to be the hardest of the three. (However, I actually found French the easiest…) And from there, it was history. I continued French in high school.
2. I hadn’t considered taking French again in college until later in my senior year. Before  that, I was set on studying Classics (beautiful Latin and Greek). However, plans change. And somehow, I found myself wanting to declare an Art History/French double major!
3. Since then, I knew I wanted to study abroad in France for a year. But where? The “countryside.” Every college I had applied to, save for Macaulay, was in a small town. I wanted to get away from the city and experience the small, campus life. Likewise, I wanted to go away from the city while I studied abroad. When I made my decision to go to Macaulay and stay in New York, this only fueled my desire to really escape the city. I looked at Bordeaux, Lyon, Strasbourg, and Toulouse.
4. Because of my overambitious and indecisive nature, I also had dreams of going to England, especially Cambridge. I looked at different programs, but they were all so expensive and troublesome. Forget Cambridge! Besides, my true desire lies in France!
5. There weren’t many opportunities to study abroad for a whole year in any of the smaller cities. I came upon the CUNY Paris Exchange Program. A whole year, CUNY tuition (meaning that, because of my scholarship, I don’t have to pay tuition at all). What other more cost-effective program could there possibly be? So, I gave up my qualms about studying in Paris, a location I previously deemed too similar to New York, too international, too mainstream. But in the end, it was probably best that my first time living away from my family was in another city. This way, I could adapt more easily. And I’m not sure at all if I could stand living in a small area for year. It was only a romantic dream. Besides, I do love Paris and I can always visit the countryside throughout the year.
6. Randomly, I can’t quite remember why, but I think it had something to do with my sudden interest in Celtic music, a band called Secret Garden, and old folklore, fairytales and mythology, I suddenly took an interest in Ireland and Scotland. I wanted to study abroad there for some time, in addition to Paris. Summer session?
7. I got over that phase. What about Tours in the summer before Paris? It’s quaint, next to the Loire Valley, and known for its perfect French.
8. What about Yonsei University in South Korea? I’ve always wanted to travel there!
9. No, back to Tours.
10. Scotland and its natural beauty?
11. Ah, no. Tours it is! Oh look! There’s a program in England for the summer, expenses paid! But two summers and a year abroad? Too much. Too hectic. Too everything!
12. Wait, I forgot about my long desire to go to Japan, especially Kyoto. No more Tours! There’s really no point in going to France for two study abroad sessions. I should go to Asia and experience a completely opposite culture.
13. Taking Japanese last semester really ignited this dream. But, in the end, I decided it was too much and too difficult and way too expensive. I shall focus on making the most out of my one Paris study abroad, rather than spreading myself (and my money) thin through many programs.

What a long and confusing journey to end up basically where I began. But hey, no losses. I consider all this time spent choosing places to study abroad as time spent learning more about my future aspirations. And, though most people might probably see otherwise, I found it quite enjoyable. I love planning and thinking of how to make my dreams come true, even if it gets really tiring, stressful, and hectic.