Sometimes I look back at my childhood and wonder where all the years went. It has been four years since I started high school, and it feels like it was just yesterday. I know this is a cliché, but I never believed it. When I was young my grandparents used to tell me how fast time was flying; how they remember my baptism that occurred five years ago like it was just months ago. I always chuckled at this and never could comprehend the feeling they described. I now am able to at least partially understand what they were talking about.
Reminiscing, high school seems like an ephemeral dream that lasted only months, not four years. I think this is especially true because of the great distance I am away from home. It has only been one month since I left, but already life back home seems distant. I have mixed feelings about this. I am afraid of the independence I now have, but am obviously excited about the future simultaneously. I don’t want to forget my past, but I now have to make a conscious effort to remember and this is frightening.
When I was young, I used to love to hold lemonade stands. On a particularly hot and sunny day I decided to mix some lemonade mix and water. I brought out my table, cups, ice, chair, and pitcher filled with fresh lemonade I had just mixed. I lived in a neighborhood in the suburbs and to say I didn’t have many customers was an understatement. I think I sold three cups, but I still remember the experience vividly and how much fun I had. Success didn’t matter back then. It wasn’t about the outcome, but the experience. It didn’t matter how many cups I sold. It was all just “for fun”.
Today it is very difficult for me to just sit and think, cut off from the electronic grid. I know that growing up has made me less patient and less able to simply relax. I’m not sure if its technology or time that has changed me. I’m sure it’s a little bit of both. As a child, sitting and dreaming was fun. It was a time before the Internet; before technology changed the way we live. There were no Iphones, Ipads, high-speed Internet, or DVD’s. Life was simple and I didn’t worry about responsibility. I often wish I could go back and relive a day in my childhood.
Who am I, is a question I often ask myself, and how much am I a product of my environment? What makes me unique? I am pretty serious. I like to talk and can spend hours talking to someone I just met. I am outgoing and shy at the same time, if that’s possible. I find meeting people in groups is much harder than one on one. I am competitive and a little controlling. It’s difficult to explain who I am with adjectives because while I am competitive, I am also relaxed; while I am serious, I also like to “have fun”. I am complex and I don’t even know who I am. All that I know is that I never want to forget where I came from, a small suburb in Saint Louis. I feel I have a unique perspective because of the way I was brought up.
