Growing up in a diverse area such as NYC has allowed me to never really worry about trying to conform to become more “American”. Growing up I never really felt as if I stood out from everyone else. However, when I was in the second grade my parents moved to Long Island and that’s when I started to realize how different I was from other kids. I was one of the only nine brown kids in the entire grade. I remember my first day of second grade on the bus, I was called a terrorist by these two other second graders on the other side of the bus. It was the first time someone had called me out for not being a “true American” and it really shocked me. I remember trying to explain to my mom what happened and she said that just because of my skin color I would be targeted. The two boys also said I smelled really bad and told me to stop eating curry.
After that incident, I didn’t want to stand out anymore or be targeted. As a result, I changed the way I dressed. I wore less exotic shirts with patterns that my parents brought back from Bangladesh and wore more Nike and Adidas clothing. I made sure to ask my mom to spray me with perfume before leaving for the bus in the morning, and the smell of curry which would always seem appetizing to me made me scrunch my nose and close my door whenever my mom was cooking to avoid the smell.
I also started to listen to less hindi music and less hindi movies and watched more American movies so that I could talk with my classmates about them and seem more cultured. In sixth grade I learned that if I make fun of myself and joke about me being brown then others wouldn’t do it. Living in Long Island, I learned to try and suppress my culture in order to fit in and seem more American. Being the new kid at school makes it hard to fit in, but being the only brown kid makes it even harder.
When I moved back to NYC and moved to Bayside, I was shocked at how different it was compared to the suburbs of Long Island. I didn’t have to hide or suppress my culture anymore, rather people were interested in my culture. It helped that I was no longer the only brown kid. Even though I’m still overly cautious about smelling like curry and I no longer listen to hindi songs or watch hindi movies like I used to when I was young, I don’t try to hide aspects of my culture anymore. And for that reason I’m glad to live in NYC.
