My weight was always my private struggle, although it was always quite public. I reached a level of obesity that I cannot even fathom. I knew I was fat yet I did not think I was that fat. There was always someone who was bigger than me: in my class, in my neighborhood, in my family. I was not the biggest so it was ok. Anorexia nervosa is a well-known eating disorder; I had the reverse.
When a sufferer of Anorexia looks into a mirror they do not see their true body, they see a fatter version of themselves. When I looked into the mirror, I did not see a 237 pound morbidly obese me, I saw a beautiful skinny version of myself. I knew I was not super skinny but I was not that big either. This psychological deficit helped to perpetuate my ever-increasing waistband and BMI.
When I went out with friends I would not order a diet Snapple because I was not that fat. I did not need to go on a diet; I was perfect. My friends knew I was fat but they kept up the charade. They never told me I was fat, or maybe they did but I did not hear them. I was one hamburger away from developing diabetes. I was morbidly obese but what was worse was my blindness to the fact that I was obese.
Obesity kills hundreds of thousands and is the leading cause of: diabetes which is the 7th leading killer in the U.S (ADA), cardiovascular disease which is the leading cause of death globally accounting for 17.3 million deaths per year (AHA), and a myriad of other degenerative diseases. I was a prime candidate for these diseases. I was literally eating myself to death.
One day something clicked, it could have been anything. To this day I am not sure what caused the change. Whatever it was it changed my life forever. I told my dad I wanted to go to a nutritionist and lose weight. A week later I was standing on a cold metal scale -in a pale white office- looking down at the glaring digital numbers on the screen: 237. I freaked out, how was I that big? Something must be wrong the scale is broken, I am bloated, the gravitational force of the earth was off that day, I was not that fat.
After the initial consultation, I went to war with my mind. Every day was a battle, I am not skinny, I am not skinny, I am not skinny, I repeated that mantra over and over again. I eventually conquered my cognitive dissonance and was able to start on my “new lifestyle.” I was nervous and afraid that I would not be able to do it. I kept my diet a secret from my friends and family. The only ones who knew were my nuclear family and nutritionist.
After a few months of battling my disease, people started to notice that I was getting healthier. My private battle started to come to life. The people around me noticed my lifestyle change. I was afraid that people would judge me, instead, I got compliments and praise. Those kind words helped me through the dark days and tough times. When people saw I was struggling and helped that was the catalyst that let me triumph.
What I took most out of my experience was to share my problems and fears with others. If I am going through something alone I only have my strength to rely on. When I allow others to help it makes me that much stronger. I dealt with something that was privately killing me by using the strength of the public to eradicate the disease.
American Diabetes Association (ADA)- http://www.diabetes.org/diabetesbasics/statistics/?referrer=https://www.google.com/
American Heart Association (AHA)- https://www.heart.org/idc/groups/ahamahpublic/@wcm/@sop/@smd/documents/downloadable/ucm_470704.pdf
