A Writer’s Guilt That Led To A Story of Redemption
Rodolfo Morales
Guilt can be a very powerful motivating factor in people’s lives, causing them to achieve great feats to relieve themselves from this overwhelming burden. This is especially true when it comes to feeling remorse in relationships with loved ones. Guilt slowly brings a person to act in order to somewhat relieve their pain. Writer Samuel Freedman is no stranger to this gripping feeling of guilt. A writer for the New York Times and the Chicago Tribune and author of books such as Jew vs. Jew: The Struggle for the Soul of American Jewry (2000), Freedman visited Baruch College on October 11th to talk about his book Who She Was: My Search for My Mother’s Life. This memoir by Freedman narrates and describes the youth of Eleanor Hatkin, his deceased mother, and it primarily focuses on the part of her life that he was never able to learn about while she was still alive; her younger years and the years before his existence. This journey through the past reveals to the reader many different aspects of Eleanor Hatkin’s past, from her negative view of her own mother to Hatkin’s different boyfriends and her sexuality.
Samuel Freedman’s talk session at Baruch College was very revealing about the tremendous process necessary to create Who She Was. Freedman began the session by explaining that his guilt about rejecting his mother at times and not learning enough about her while she was still alive led him to feel that he was a failure to her as a son. To see Freedman’s eyes begin to water and to hear his voice waver slightly at this statement was a truly powerful moment during his talk, revealing his sincerity and heartfelt emotions on the matter. Once his mother passed away from breast cancer, he felt that he wanted to truly get to know her, learning and writing about her life before he was born. The research necessary to achieve this goal was astounding, beginning in June 2001, with writing not starting until November 2003. Freedman explained that he tried finding as many sources as possible to learn about his mother’s past, and he began interviewing and re-interviewing her brothers and sisters, old friends that were still alive, and even going as far as to interview friends of his mother’s friends that might have known her. To track down some of these individuals, Freedman found it useful to search for them in databases. In addition, Samuel Freedman looked at immediately accessible documents that could tell him something about his mother’s earlier years, such as old transcripts, medals, awards, and even an autograph book. Old letters and objects were also very helpful artifacts in helping decipher his mother’s hidden past. For example, Freedman mentioned a silvery bracelet of his mother’s that had engraved upon it the words “Eleanor and Hy Forever,” a sort of engagement bracelet sent to his mother by Hy Keltz, one of her boyfriends, while he was in the navy. Freedman also made references to the writing process itself. He alluded to the fact that many people say there should be a certain divide between writing and the writer’s emotions. However, he found that the more he leaned towards craft, the more his emotions were brought out, and this same uprising of feelings occurred while he was doing research for the book.
Students were able to ask questions about Freedman and Who She Was during this session as well. One of the most intriguing questions for Freedman asked that he remember what were the most shocking revelations for him about his mother’s past. “I was surprised at how bad of a college student she was,” Freedman quickly replied, explaining that she was getting C’s in college. He was also surprised at the depth of his mother’s involvement with Hy Keltz. Finally, he was surprised at the hatred his mother felt for her own mother, but that even for all her faults, his grandmother still managed to save up money to try and save her family members in Europe from the Nazis. An interesting observation made by the writer was that his mother’s detachment from his grandmother could be paralleled to his detachment with his mother. In a sense, it was almost as if Eleanor Hatkin was getting a taste of her own medicine with her son.
Samuel Freedman’s memoir Who She Was: My Search for My Mother’s Life was his act of penance so that he could feel like his mother’s son again. Through his extensive research of his mother’s early years, he finally learned everything about Eleanor Hatkin; not only about the mother, but also more importantly, about the woman. Finally asked what his mother would think of his depiction of her in the book, Samuel Freedman responded comically that she probably would be angry at him for “doing so much snooping,” but at the same time “vainly flattered,” as any person would be if they were considered important enough to be written about.