“You won’t survive there if you don’t buy it!”

“But Aunty, do I really need-”

“Do you want to thrive in this new country?”

“Well, yes, but-”

“Then you have your answer.”

Thus, my mom bought a travel-sized coconut grinder in India, and brought it with her to America when she first came here.

Coconut grinders can be found in any kitchen in India, since all of our curries, sambars, and achaar require coconut as a staple ingredient. But my mom, unlike other girls, began to work at an early age with her grandfather in the family’s rubber tree forest, and she never really learned the fine arts of cooking. However, when she got married, my mom had to pack up her quiet, peaceful life in her rural village in India and move to bustling New York City with my dad and his family.

My mom was clueless as to how to prepare for this big move. So when my dad’s aunt told her that a coconut grinder was vital for survival, my mom listened blindly and bought a travel-size one. Along with some clothes and religious relics, the grinder came with my mom on her first trip to the US.

Coconut grinder from aerial view

Luckily the grinder came to good use: since my parents came to Queens, New York, before the emergence of Indian grocery stores (filled with frozen, ready-made coconut shavings), my mom used the grinder to authentically grind up coconuts. I have fond memories of my mom sitting on the kitchen floor working on that contraption with me avidly watching in amusement. Although we don’t use it much anymore, my mom has still kept it for almost 30 years in our basement.  

Like my mom, I would like to keep some cultural traditions and rituals in my everyday lifestyle. However, I already see that this wish is really hard to achieve, because I can already tell that I’ve been ‘whitewashed.’ When my older sisters were growing up, their first language was Malayalam, they grew up eating authentic Indian food and they avidly watched Indian movies. However, my first language was English, I grew up eating processed frozen foods, and I watched Channel 13. The process of assimilation into the American society took a big toll on my family – because my uncles and aunts got more ‘Americanized,’ they in turn, transferred these new values onto the next set of younger children in the family.

But how much of a cultural background you have doesn’t solely depend on when you’re born in your family’s timeline. I believe the area a person grows up in has a big influence in how much of their native culture is retained throughout their life. I grew up in the relatively Indian neighborhood of Bellerose, so everywhere I looked I could see the effects of Indian culture in the area. If I had grown up in a whiter neighborhood, I wouldn’t have even kept the Indian culture that I’ve retained now – I believe the environment (including a child’s school, friends, and neighborhood) play a huge role in the shaping of a person’s cultural identity.

Coconut grinder from side view

A person’s cultural identity grows from a young age. I believe childhood is the perfect time for it to foster and blossom – therefore I would want to instill a sense of cultural pride in my future children. I may sound like a hypocrite since I was never fully immersed in the culture, but I find it sad that some children are just purely American. Having that different cultural aspect to a person’s personality just makes the person a more complex, well-rounded person. And although I would prefer if I married a man from the same place in India (but a first-generation American like me), I would be content being with a man from anywhere – despite the many protests my parents would probably have. Just the opportunity for my future children to broaden their horizons from not one, but two different traditions is very appealing.

A person’s cultural identity is vital to their overall lifestyle and daily living. For my mom, her religious beliefs and cultural traditions remained with her despite the many years assimilating and building a life and family here in New York. Now my mom swears that she kept the coconut grinder because she intends for it to be my dowry when I get married. I’m slightly worried about the veracity of this reasoning but I know for a fact that even some of the most minute details about a person’s life can affect and stick with you forever. For my mom it was the coconut grinder, and although I don’t know what it will be for me yet, I hope I can pass it on to my children in the similar way my mom did.