My family came to the United States from Kerala, a state in India located in the south. My family on my father’s side owned a rubber-tree plantation, and my grandmother was a housewife. On my mother’s side, my grandfather was the head clerk at a railway station, and his wife was a matron. Needless to say, both of my parents lived comfortably in India, but after they completed their collegiate educations, they realized that they would have better economic opportunities in America rather than their home country.
My dad first visited the United States in 1987 and began working, though he studied to be an accountant in India, he works in the United States Postal Service, and has been doing so for the past 29 years. He went back to India later that year to marry my mother in India who studied to become nurse. My parents had my oldest sister in 1988, and my dad returned to America to continue working while my mom stayed in India with my sister since taking care of the baby with my grandparents was easier. In early 1989, my sister and mother finally migrated to the United States with my uncle to reunite with my dad.
A photo of my parents and oldest sister when they first came to the U.S.
My parents lived in many different homes before finally moving to our current home in New Hyde Park. First, they lived with my uncle and aunt in Mineola, then a rental apartment in Queens, followed by another apartment in New Hyde Park. Later, my dad and another uncle of mine bought a two-family house together in New Hyde Park. That was the home that I was born and raised in, though I don’t remember much living there. It wasn’t until 1999 that my parents bought their own home in New Hyde Park, the house that we currently live in now, and the only home that I have real memories from.
The first house my father bought, and the current home in which I live
Throughout the late 80s and 90s, many of my relatives also moved to the city of New Hyde Park, lessening the culture shock that is typically experienced by foreign immigrants. My parents weren’t pressured to completely assimilate to “American culture” when they first moved since they were still able to speak in their mother tongue, Malayalam, and spend their free time with others of the same ethnicity. When I was little, I primarily spent time playing with my cousins because my family already had an established social network of relatives experiencing the same cultural dynamics as me. Since we all lived in such close proximity, our families often carpooled to school, which was an interesting experience for my parents.
My father playing with my sister in the first home they shared with my uncle
My sisters went to school before me, so by the time I started grade school, my parents had already known how the system worked. With my oldest sister, however, my parents had to learn everything as they went on. When it came to PTA meetings, how exams worked, field trips, etc. my parents were learning how the American schooling system worked with my oldest sister. My mother and father both achieved a collegiate education in India, however, the education system in India is very different from that of America. For example, in for my parents India, high school ended in the 10th grade and afterwards they begin specialized education that reflect their prospective careers. A doctor would start taking specific science courses in their “11th grade” and an engineering student would take mathematics. Encountering the education system here involved a lot of trial and error for my parents, but I was raised into the system and learned from the experiences and advice from my sisters, making school especially difficult for my sisters since they didn’t have someone to learn the ropes from.
My initial experiences of school were interesting, mainly because it was the first time I started making friends with people that weren’t Indian. However, the demographics of my classes were always diverse. I was never the lone minority; I had Chinese, Filipino, Pakistani, and Latin American classmates. Growing up, I didn’t really face much discrimination because I was just as “American” as the kids around me, I was interested in the same things as they were, liked the same foods, and spoke English just as well as they did.
Of course, it was easier to make friends with other Indians because we shared more things in common than others. Among others of the same ethnic backgrounds, certain cultural practices are conceived as normal. For example, it’s a normal part of Indian culture to eat with your hands, so whenever friends came over we would all eat with our hands without paying it any mind. However, this practice is frowned upon by many other cultures, so students of other ethnicities wouldn’t be as comfortable with it. Also, it was easier to have friends that are also Indian because my parents get to understand their parents better, which is very important when it came to my parents. More often than not, Indian parents can find something to relate with each other, whether it be religion, where they’re from in the motherland, or even where they buy groceries from. There aren’t as many overlaps with adults of other ethnicities so my parents didn’t feel as comfortable. Granted, this didn’t mean that I wasn’t allowed to have friends of other ethnicities, it just explain why parents are more comfortable with friends with the same backgrounds.
Growing up surrounded by American media, I never really took much interest in my Indian heritage. Around the house my parents would speak to me in Malayalam, our native tongue. I was never fluent in the language so I avoid speaking it so as not to embarrass myself. My sisters on the other hand, do know how to speak it because when they were young my parents sent them to Malayalam school, which was established to help American-born children of immigrants learn the fundamentals of the language outside of just speaking it at home. By the time I was born my parents didn’t think to send me because they figured it would be futile, since my sisters didn’t really pick it up as well. Many of the conversations between my parents and me consist of them speaking to me in Malayalam and me responding in English since I’m not that confident in speaking Malayalam. English is a language that I’ve mastered so I stick with it, but every now and then I’ll use a Malayalam word to help clarify what I’m saying or be cheeky. This is unfortunate in some ways and is often the source of miscommunication; but I believe it’s better than having nothing but English spoken in the household.
The lack of language and cultural practices has definitely distanced me from my native culture. I’m not ashamed of my heritage, I just haven’t had the opportunity or inspiration to really practice them here in America. Whenever we visit India I feel very American, because that’s what I am. I was born and raised in America, so I’m familiar with American culture, but I still identify myself as Indian. I regret not learning the language or practicing traditions, but it isn’t too late to learn it. There is definitely still time to embrace my culture more, and I plan on doing so to make sure my children also experience Indian culture with their American lives.
