by Erin Ajello
Wandering lost
Waiting for her
I used to love her
I think I’m falling again
She never answered my letters
Death wouldn’t have me
I can see why.
I still reek
Of blue
Of rain
Of pain
Of misery
It doesn’t go away
It sinks into me
Past my pores
Into my bloodstream
And every so often
It ignites
Filling me with need
Begging me to go just a little deeper,
Find something sharper,
Give into breaking
Some nights I answer the call
Pain and despair
It tastes like bliss and fury
Disappointment and ecstasy
Strawberries rusting in my mouth
Some nights
Others I ignore it
I make myself louder
Or drink until the urge blurs with the rest
Tonight is neither
Tonight I hear my mind’s voice rasp and let it howl
I entertain the idea
Visualize it, start to finish, silver to red
I run with it and stop abruptly,
Snapping rather unfortunately back into reality
Tonight I think dangerously
