While browsing through the Be More web page, the section that caught my eye included a series of short videos exemplifying the damaging affects of micro aggressions. They are termed as such because they aren’t blatant displays of racism, often passed off as genuine compliments. However, they are indicative of a deep-rooted sense of racial privilege and inflict harm, discomfort, and shame upon those they are directed at – often on a daily basis. These issues highlight identity construction in the modern world and how it is subsequently interpreted.
Micro aggressions stem from stereotypes, expectations, unfounded beliefs in a reality that fails to present itself time and time again. Telling a woman she’s “pretty for a dark girl” – as presented in one video clip – not only reveals the speaker’s belief in the inherent ugliness of dark-skinned girls, but rattles the woman’s sense of self to the core. Passed off as a compliment, such a statement only informs the woman she should be glad she isn’t like the “other” dark girls and, in fact, there are a host of other qualities she should have on the basis that she is a dark-skinned girl.
Although racial micro aggressions are a category of discrimination unto themselves, these ideas often spill over into other socially constructed ideals. For instance, gender is often a glaring target for systematic beliefs – expected behaviors, looks, and emotions all act as foundations for shame rooted in deviation from the norm. The notions that men don’t cry, girls don’t play with trucks, and only boys can kick one another bloody construct identities often suppressing those wishing to express themselves. For instance, as a child I had always been considered a tomboy. I often played in the mud, hunting for salamanders. I wasn’t afraid to chase the boys down in a violent game of cops and robbers. I lived for the thrill, for breaking rules I was expected to follow. I constructed my identity around opposition, but was constantly made painfully aware of what I “should” be doing as a girl. If not then, later. I would be expected to grow up, marry a guy, have kids, manage the home and raise the kids. I always thought the expectations were ridiculous – but those feelings were largely based around the socially conditioned perception of women and girls I grew up with.
Whether in books, movies, or games, we are constantly reminded of the inferiority of women, of the utterly superficial creatures we all are. After all, we only want to look pretty and attract boys, right? Whatever teenage girls take a liking to at any given point in time is immediately mocked and put down. Take the manic pixie dream girl trope for example. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy and girl live happily ever after. But the girl isn’t your average girl, oh no. She’s SPECIAL. She’s “not like all the other girls” and that somehow makes her more valuable and attractive to our lovely male protagonist who has soaked up all of these fantasies from reading too many tabloids. Being told you “aren’t like the other girls” (and I was, for a while) is supposed to be a compliment: hey, you aren’t superficial and silly! But accepting the compliment means tearing down every other girl around you, and that is absolutely unacceptable. There’s nothing wrong with embracing your identity – that which you share with others and that which makes you different are equally important to composing YOU.