Prior to doing this exercise, I thought I knew all there was to know about my family history. And maybe this is true, but reflecting on my roots really got me thinking about what exactly I felt connected to. And it also really got me thinking about how choices my family had made in the past, affect me so immensely now. I also came to the conclusion that there are going to be things about my family that I may never know. I was trying to fill in all these gaps and hit road blocks just realizing that there are some details that no living member of my family has knowledge of, and they will forever remain unknown. Both my grandmother and grandfather were born in Pakistan in a time when it wasn’t even Pakistan yet. At the time India was splitting into two different regions, and one would assume this monumental time in history would have an impact on the people living during that era. But whenever I would ask my grandmother about it she would say that she didn’t remember it having much of an impact on her. It was just the way life was at the time. My grandmother only completed high school while my grandfather did attend college. He obtained a bachelor’s degree in economics. He worked as a landlord, overseeing a large amount of land that he had inherited and was also an inspector in the police force for almost twenty years. My grandparents got married at a relatively young age and after a couple of years they welcomed a daughter. In total they had four children: one boy and three girls. Along with her siblings my mom grew up in a relatively wealthy household in Pakistan. They constantly moved around due to my grandfather’s job. They were surrounded by extended family and oftentimes my mom, aunts, and uncle would spend summers with their cousins. It was a very family oriented environment. There was always someone coming and going.
And then when my mom was seventeen years old, her parents moved the family to the United States in the year 1985. They had previously come for a visit and decided that they liked it enough to move here permanently. I can only imagine how much of a hard transition this must have been. They were leaving everyone and everything they knew behind in order to start their new lives in a completely different place. In Pakistan they lived very established lives, and they traded it all in for an unfamiliar land. Though my grandparents had been well of in Pakistan they wanted better for their children. They had heard that America was the land of opportunity, and they decided that they wanted to provide their kids with the best that life had to offer. So they uprooted their lives and headed to the land of the free. Even getting here was semi difficult. Different family members came at different times, so that in itself was a period of instability.
It turned out that getting to the United States was the easiest part. After came the long adjustment process. They had left their extended family behind and all they had was each other. Looking back at it now the times seemed tough. My mom and her family moved from place to place, sometimes the whole family had to squeeze into one bedroom apartments, with relatives shuffling in and out as they too tried to make their way in the land of opportunity. But my mom, aunts, and uncle look back on these times as fond memories. Instead of hardships, they recall closeness, times with family, and pure joy. These were moments when through the hard times, life was simple. The main goal was to survive and keep your family by your side as you attempted to do just that.
As for my dad, his story of immigration is a little different. He came here in 1989 when he was twenty-four years old, without any of his immediate family. My dad himself made the decision to come to the United States to make a better future for himself. After getting here, my dad didn’t have his family to lean on. He lived a very different life in the way that he shared apartments with roommates and tried to establish himself by himself, whereas my mom was just trying to adjust to life, not really having the burden of supporting herself looming over her head. My dad took the initiative by himself. And this is still reflected in the fact, that my dad and the rest of my family feel sort of disconnected from his side of the family.
In comparison to the rest of her siblings, my mom was the most hesitant about settling down and giving up her family life. But in 1996, my parents got married in New Jersey, and that was when my mom left Brooklyn and ventured off into Jersey City. A year later I was born. Then in 1998, along came my sister, and this is when my mom decided that a move back to Brooklyn was necessary. This situation occurred again a few years down the road when my parents were looking into buying a house in Long Island, when the time came to decide my mom could not bear to part with her Brooklyn address. So in a way, I really see Brooklyn as a place where some of my roots are set. And by the time my brother came into this world at the end of 2001, I think my mom even felt a little less attached to her Pakistani roots. Even now when I asked her how she felt adjusting to a whole new country, she wasn’t very responsive. I think she herself feels like some of her roots have taken root here, along with in Pakistan.
I definitely feel like my upbringing and my family’s history has deeply affected the life I live now. Both my parents received some sort of a college education, but nothing completely formal. After getting here my mom attended community college in Queens for two years, but never went further than that. My dad attended college in Pakistan but never fully decided what he wanted to do with his degree. My parents’ limited college educations have nothing to do with the lives they are living now. But their lives now have to do with my college education. It was always expected of me to go to college. There was never a discussion about whether or not I would attend. I’m also very lucky in the sense that my parents never limited me on where I could go. I was free to choose wherever I wanted to go, within reason. And to me that was their way of showing how much they valued my education. I’m also appreciative of the fact that my parents never pressed me to pursue a specific occupation. Of course they want me to make money and live a successful life, but they also want me to be happy.
Throughout the course of this exercise I also realized how sometimes I feel really disconnected to my Pakistani roots. I would say that I am a part of a Pakistani community. And a lot of times, I see people in that community talking about Pakistan. They speak of how their visits went and how much they love their family that lives there. And sometimes I feel like I’m missing out. My entire family is here in the United Statas. So there was never any need to make trips back to Pakistan, in a way everything I have has always been right here. So I’m jealous of the people that feel a strong connection to Pakistan because it is something I really wish I could have. I love Pakistani culture and values, but the only time I really get to experience it is at weddings, and even that is a mix now. My family has been here so now that the traditions my grandparents brought back with them are now mixed with American ideals. And while I’m appreciative of that fact, and I’m so proud that I am an American, a part of me longs to be apart of the life my parents describe having during their days there. But overall I’m so proud of my background and I am so glad I can finally acknowledge all of the sacrifices that my family made decades ago so that I can live this life right here, right now.
