I never really cared to ask about my family’s history to be honest. Most of what I know is from what I’ve overheard from conversations among family members. I just thought, “Eh, maybe this is all there is to know so why bother ask about it?”. I thought I already knew much of my family’s history. But the day I actually approached my parents to tell me about it was the day I discovered that I actually knew close to nothing about it. Doing this Root’s Exercise, I was able to learn about where I came from and to better appreciate the thing’s in my family’s history. I discovered how those things affected my life in a big way as well. Oh, and I learned that I’m actually more Chinese than I thought and that my last name is completely made up…
Let me begin with my paternal grandparents since they are pretty old… as in their history is the furthest back I can go. Both grandpa and grandma were born in Thailand, but were of Chinese descent. Either both their parents (according to mom) or one of their parents (according to dad) were Chinese. Because of these conflicting accounts, I am not certain about how Chinese I really am. I grew up thinking that I was only 1/8 Chinese due to someone saying that grandpa being half Chinese and half Thai. Apparently, that is not the case anymore. If I were to go with dad’s account, that would make me 1/4 Chinese and 3/4 Thai. If I were to go with mom’s account, that would make me 1/2 Chinese and 1/2 Thai. Regardless of how Chinese or Thai I really am, it is a cool feeling not really knowing what I am, ethnically. It only adds to the mysteriousness of my background and I feel that it makes me unique.
Hmm, where was I again… oh yeah right. So, anyways, grandpa and grandma lived in Thailand and had basic education. They did not go to middle or high school nor did they attend college (grandpa was able to go to school in China though apparently). Neither of them were wealthy and back then in Thailand, only the wealthy went to school. There were no government funded public schools they could go to either. Also, people back then just settled down way earlier to get jobs and have a lot of kids. So, grandpa was able to woo grandma and they got married. They settled in the northern region of Thailand known as Nakon Sawan and had five kids. All of them then moved to the capital, Bangkok, where they opened up a small grocery store in the neighborhood. This store still exists today (I actually had to opportunity to visit it 2 years ago) and is run by my one of my great aunts.
I also asked my parents about my incredibly long last name that never fits on standardized tests. Apparently, all of it was made up a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Well, not really, but still, it was made up by grandma a long time ago. From what I heard, grandma did not want to use grandpa’s Chinese last name which was way shorter (and would definitely fit on standardized tests). I guess she wanted to cement the family as being Thai and to distance us from our Chinese heritage. Despite that, Chinese culture still resonates within the family. For example, all of the family members, including me, have Chinese names. They also speak a dialect of Chinese known as Teochew. They believe in Buddhism and follow Confucian ideology like filial piety. I’m not sure why the family distances themselves from being Chinese. I think we should embrace our diverse background, but oh well grandma doesn’t want it and we have to do what she says. Grandpa died of cancer when I was a baby, but grandma is still going strong at 90 and lives with the rest of dad’s family in Bangkok.
Now let’s fast forward in time a few years or so to the time of my maternal grandparents. Both grandma and grandpa were born in Thailand to Thai parents. They lived in the central region near Bangkok. Grandma went to a teaching school and was a teacher for the children in the village. Grandpa, on the other hand, went to the police academy and became a cop. He worked for the drug enforcement unit and so he often left mom and her two siblings in the care of their grandparents to keep them away from his job which was dangerous. Grandpa was a total badas… never mind. One day, grandma found out grandpa cheated on her and they got divorced.
Grandma moved to Los Angeles to be with her sister where she made and sold Thai desserts for a living, even selling desserts in front of the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum during the 1984 Summer Olympics. She remarried twice and moved to New Jersey during her third marriage. Her third husband, my step-grandfather, was an OB/GYN who graduated from med school at the University of Pennsylvania. They lived in New Jersey for a long time until he passed away recently. He was actually the only grandpa I knew growing up and so, I never thought of him as only being related by law. To me, he was still grandpa. I wasn’t really close to my other grandpas compared to him. His career and his attitude on life influenced my decision to attempt to go into the medical field. When grandpa died, grandma moved back to Los Angeles to live with my aunt’s family. Back to biological grandpa, he stayed in Thailand, remarried, and had another child. When I was in middle school, he died of brain cancer.
(Another interesting fact, mom’s maiden name was given to her family by the 5th or 6th King of Thailand when her great, great, great grandpa was the Thai army’s general.)
Let us now step back into the time machine and travel to 1958 when dad was born. Dad was able to go pretty far in terms of education. He went to a Jesuit-run school as a kid where he used to get hit with sticks by the Jesuit brothers for being bad. He then attended Ramkhamhaeng University and studied political science and law, but decided to move to the United States in the 1984 to chase that ever so enticing “American Dream”, but that all fell pretty flat as he says. He went to Queen College to earn another bachelor’s degree because the degree he received in Thailand was not valid in the US. Being the rebel that he was, dad only attended college for two years and then dropped out. He got jobs working as a busboy in various restaurants and did other kinds of work in delis. He was able to find work through a network of friends and other Thai immigrants who were already settled in the US. Nowadays, he works in the wholesale industry making bagels by hand and packing them for distribution.
Now, onto to 1969 when mom was born. Mom went to a sister (nun)-run school in Thailand as a kid. As a teenager, she moved to Los Angeles, California in 1989 to be with her mother and siblings. She went to Downey High School then went to Cerritos College and California State University, Fullerton and studied engineering. She later switched majors to child development because she found her true calling. She worked at fast food chains like Jack in the Box to pay for college which back then was only $5 per credit! She moved to New York after marrying dad in 1992. In 1994, my sister was born, but mom says her greatest accomplishment was in 1997 which was when I came into the world. She continued on with her education and received her Masters Degree in Special Education from Touro College. She now works as a special education teacher going from school to school and house to house, teaching children diagnosed with autism, Down Syndrome, Asperger’s, and ADHD.
Now back to the present which is about me. No, I won’t be discussing my history because there really isn’t much to it…yet. What I will talk about is what I was able to take away from doing this exercise. One thing I realize is that I am privileged. Because of the sacrifices of my grandparents and the efforts of my parents, I have nothing to worry about nor do I suffer like they did. I have the option to go to school and the option to choose my career. Unlike them, I was fortunate enough to be born into a middle-class family and so for the most part, money is not an issue. Also, I am able to speak both Thai and English which is a big plus when it comes to getting a job and my American citizenship and passport gives me exclusive individual rights and priorities that my grandparents could never dream of having back then. Those things also allow me to go back and forth in terms of community. I am able to associate with the Asian/Thai community as well as the American/Brooklyn/college community because I relate to both in terms of culture and language. My grandparents who did not know English and my parents who struggled to learn English had no choice, but to be restricted to the Thai community. Sometimes, I take these privileges for granted and don’t really think about the people from whom I came from and what they had to work with.
Despite my privileges, there are also disadvantages. The most obvious would be my status as a minority in the US despite my American birth and citizenship. I will always be put into quotas based on my race and I will still have to deal with countless questions asking me about “where I really come from”. I will often get questions about my Asian facial features and how they don’t match with my darker skin complexion. Not only are there disadvantages stemming from society, but there are also disadvantages stemming from my own family. Coming from a conservative Asian family, my life decisions are often under scrutiny from my parents. They have a say in my education and my career. For example, I was not able to apply to school outside New York City because my parents would not pay for it. They wanted me to go to school here so they could still have some control over my life. In addition, I often get pressured into going for a high paying career. By high paying career, I mean doctor. Asian parents have like a romantic relationship with the idea of having kids who are doctors. A lot of times, these things cause tensions between my parents and me. I’m a free spirited hippy compared to them and they don’t like the idea of me going my own way. But I do understand that they pressure me because they don’t want me to suffer or worry about having enough to live in the future.
Regardless of these pressures, I am extremely proud of the sacrifices of my grandparents and the willingness to go far of my parents. I will always be proud of my history and my family even though they are a bunch of crazy… I mean unique, people.
