Disclaimer: I am only going to focus on my mother’s side of the family because I don’t have a relationship with my father since he got remarried three and half years ago and had another baby three years ago. Also, my grandma was so happy that I was asking her about my family history. She said, “Oh at least when I die someone will remember.” Kind of gruesome but she meant well. Lastly, my family is very young and everyone is super close.
Judaism can be thought of as being simultaneously a religion, a nationality and a culture.
My family, myself very much included, has always strongly associated with being Jewish. You’ll see it in the names that we all have that although they became more modern, they are all Biblical. I think that feeling comes from a little farther down in my roots, my great-grandparents. They lived through the Holocaust and lost family as a young age because of the hateful discrimination against the Jews. My great-grandfather’s brother, Mordechai died at the age of three in Ukraine from hunger and his body was thrown off the ship when they were trying to escape the Nazis.
My great-great grandma Faigy-Rachel who I am named after. (In the Ashkenaz Jewish tradition, we name after the dead).
I’m going to work my way up from the roots of the tree all the way up to the leaves.
My grandparents immigrated from Ukraine in the Soviet Union in 1978. They got married for the first time in 1977 at the age of 19 in Kiev where they both lived and met. My grandma tells me this story of how she was my grandpa’s younger brother’s tutor and how he chased after her because she was beautiful (gross). She told me that he once almost beat up her dance partner because he was so jealous. All four of my great-grandparents from my mother’s side were from Kiev and decided that they were all going to leave because of the discrimination they were experiencing. (Side note: My grandfather’s oldest brother is really his half-brother because he’s from a different father but that guy died in war when his oldest brother was 3 so the step-dad is really the only dad they ever had and their as close as can be.) My grandma’s mother once got beat up in the bus when she was pregnant because she was a “filthy Jew.” They had to change their names to be more “Russian” and were beat up plenty of times for going to synagogue. My grandfather was once found on the side of the street bruised from head to toe because three boys tortured him with bats, hands and feet for being Jewish. He told me he thought he was going to die that day. So they assembled every document that had their name on it, down to a bread ticket and brought it to the guy they were paying off to make it look like they were going to disappear. All those documents were then burned and they fled to Italy while they waited for their visas to enter America. My grandma was pregnant with my mom at this time and she tells me all I hoped was that your mother could be born in America. My grandma and grandpa were offered stay in Israel after three months so they went there, and got married while the parents, brothers and sisters waited in Italy. My grandparents left to Canada almost after one month when my grandfather was about to be drafted into the army and my grandma didn’t want him to go since she wanted my mom to have a father. Once they got to Canada and got married again (imagine marrying the same person three times), they called my grandfather’s parents and youngest brother. My grandma’s parents, and sister, and my grandfather’s oldest brother got their visas to enter the country. After about two weeks, my grandfather’s oldest brother “called for” my grandparents and that expedited their visas. They then got married again, last time I promise. A few weeks after they got to New York, my mom, Miriam, was born on December 15, 1978. At that point they lived in Crown Heights, a very religious area. There was pure joy and excitement that the men could walk around with their black hats, the women could wear wigs and long dresses, and they could go to synagogue without being threatened by the government. My great-grandfather even grew a beard and I remember it until this day. His face grew with it as he aged. They were part of the Lubavich community and that’s the cemetery where my great-grandparents are buried. I remember my great-grandfather cried at my 8th grade graduation because I was the first great-grandchild to finish the “basic” Jewish education and he said that all the persecution and hardship he went through was worth it. My grandparents had my mother’s younger brother, Levi, in 1981 and then my next uncle, a surprise, Mordechai, named after the great-grandfather’s brother that died, in 1982. Finally by aunt, Esther, was born in 1986. My grandfather got his CPA license from Baruch college while he was also working full-time to support a family, which he got scholarships for in 1982. He then went to work for the treasury while my grandmother went to get certification for computer programming from NYU. After she got a job for JP Morgan Stanley writing bank codes (whatever that means) my grandfather went to NYU to become a lawyer. He then opened up a practice with other attorneys. That’s been their life for years now. My grandma working for JP Morgan then Citi (whichever company bought out which through years), and my grandfather as a Personal Injury Attorney (888-Law-King). They live in Sea Gate where they contribute to the Chabad community. They aren’t as religious as they once were because it came between religion or keeping their jobs to support their family and pay for Jewish school. All four of their kids went into healthcare as stereotypical/classic Jewish children would (either: doctor, lawyer or accountant). School was always and still is #1! I am extremely close to my grandma and grandpa. My grandma takes selfies, we FaceTime, go on trips and go out for lunch together.
My great-grandfather Aron-Yitzchak. I miss him everyday. We used to be as close as father and daughter.
On to my mother, my hero and role model. She graduated Yeshivah of Flatbush High School, the same high school her brothers and sisters went to and me and my brothers, at the age of 17, got married to my dad and then had me in 1997. She always tells me I’m her good luck charm because she took her RN licensing exam from LIU, which she took out loans for since she was married, when I turned one and did exceptionally well. She worked for many homecare companies and then went on to become VP of Business Marketing and ran CHAAs and hospitals. A few years ago she decided to leave the home care world and went into the aesthetic injectable business. She is also graduating from Molloy College, the Nurse Practitioner’s program, in the summer which she also took out her own loans for. (I’m not sure if my grandparents helped in some sense for both parts of her schooling but I don’t ask sensitive questions). My grandparents and my mom got especially close after my parents got divorced in 2008 because they were helping her get back on her feet. Another reason she went to get her master’s was because she wanted to have a more secure and higher license that she can fall back on. Full time student, full time workers, full time single mom, full time super hero. My mom always says, get yours schooling done, get your life together than do whatever you want. Friends, partying, and everything will be easy when you have money and an education. My family constantly preaches stability and being comfortable with money so that you never have to struggle and are able to support your family while helping others. My mom is a bit different from the rest of my family in that she is much more open to religion and isn’t pushy in the way that some other parents may be stricter. She helps out communities by helping people, in need, volunteering but on a daily basis making people feel good about themselves.
Now on to the beautiful leaves, AKA: Rashelle, Samuel and Eli. Me and my brothers through schooling have always been in honors and pushed to be the top of the class. We were always taught to push ourselves and stand out from others and never stop working hard. I am the oldest and my mom always counts on me to set an example of a work and school ethic. Although we are not pushed into a certain career, my mom says just to get some sort of licensing. My mom has probably spent the equivalence of a property in Brooklyn and has sacrificed the world for us so that we can go to the best schools. Since my mother doesn’t have to pay for my college, she tells me that she will help me pay for dental school which is the whole reason I ended up in Macaulay. My brothers and I all have high aspirations of finishing school and becoming professionals which our kids can look up to, our families can admire, and can help and influence the community. Growing up in my family has definitely given me the privilege of going to an elite school which has offered my opportunity to get internships, jobs, and college offerings. Because of that, I also have the opportunity to give back as much as I can. I’m able to move up the social ladder because I can pursue higher education and make something of myself. A big disadvantage is that I have faced racial discrimination for being Jewish and gender discrimination for being a girl that wants to become a doctor and not focus on getting married and starting a family, but it hasn’t been anything that I wasn’t able to brush off. Both my grandma and mother got married early but they don’t pressure me. They always say that it takes time, effort and money to support another human being and that you have to be secure with yourself before you build confidence into another being.
Me, my brothers, and my mom. AKA: My ride or Die at my brother’s bar mitzvah (When a boy turns 13).
I’m the oldest of the grandkids so a lot of the pressure to set an example is kind of inflicted on me but also very much self-made.
If you want to know more about the crazy but loving family I am part of- you are all invited to Passover meal on April 22, 2016. You can RSVP with me 😋.
Cute update: my mom’s cousin posted this on Instagram today…those are my great-grandparents
