I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid encounters with the police almost entirely. This is for two reasons: because I primarily “read” as East Asian, a group less likely to be racially profiled as dangerous or criminal and less likely to be seen as an acceptable target, the main reason, and because my mother has always pointedly told me to stay away from the police.

“If you’re lost, don’t ask them for directions. Don’t make small talk. Don’t interact unless you’re in immediate danger–and even then, be careful that they don’t add fuel to the fire,” she told me when I was old enough to toddle about on my own. My mother, who is often read as a non-white Latina, has not had any significant encounters with the police by luck, but did explain to me that in every minor encounter, most police officers (especially white police officers) were extremely rude and “treated [her] like a low-life and talked down to [her].” She explicitly linked this behavior to white privilege.

I always took her word for it, but about 50 news articles and 100 personal anecdotes shared by friends, family, and friends of friends later, I was quite convinced that staying away from the police would be in my best interest.

So are there good cops? Sure. I know some who are my friends’ parents or my own distant family members. But the system is broken in a way that lets racist and more generally abusive cops act however they want seemingly with impunity, and often conversations about the police end up focusing on the good few rather than addressing the lethal elephant in the room. Will every police officer choose deliberately to be cruel? Of course not, but it shouldn’t even be an easy option. This doesn’t even account for police officers who are unconsciously racist because racist behavior is so normalized.

Finally, please note I chose my words carefully when describing why I haven’t been a prime target. East Asians are discriminated against and can become victims of police brutality, but in comparison to other groups, black people especially,  we’re less likely to be hassled or worse. Also, other prejudices have a part in it. LGBT people and disabled people are also vulnerable groups.