Wednesday, June 10th 2020
Good morning Armadillo : )
It is day 2 of my adventures waking up before sunrise. Today, I set an alarm to 4:50am. I think I’m a bit late getting out of bed at 5:10 however, that is a trick of the mind. I am only late based on my wishes to watch the first light emerge. By measure of the times I’ve woken up over the past month, this is by far early.
I made a cup of tea and, for the first time, I brushed my teeth in the kitchen (the sink in the bathroom doesn’t work). It was a revelation. Standing by a window, seeing clouds and the colors of sunrise, (and being sleepy) was so perfectly awe-inducing that I forgot I was brushing my teeth.
Now I’m sitting by the same window, writing. There is a big wisp of white (and orange) clouds peeking out from behind the train station. Away from the horizon, the wisp separates into strands and the strands get further and further away from each other higher in the sky. It’s like a sun made of clouds.
6:55am: I heard my mom’s alarm go off.
Usually, I eat oatmeal from the same type of bowl that comes in colors of red, blue, or green. Today, I’m expanding my horizons. I am using a whole different bowl. This one has a wider opening and no handles. I like it. I also made another cup’o tea. This time it’s spring melody black tea. I used the same cup.
As I opened my fridge looking for maple syrup, I suddenly found myself considering eating guacamole and a piece of cheese for breakfast. Yet, I do not want to eat both at the same time. I saw the guacamole, even possibly smelled it, and I wanted it. Then, blank slate, I saw the cheese, imagined tasting it, and I wanted it. Now that i’m eating warm oatmeal, I do not want cold guacamole. The piece of cheese however, remains a viable option. (Maybe it’s the texture.)
My mom is still asleep, I guess she doesn’t want to go on her morning walk today.
Sunday June 14th 2020
Good morning 🙂
Today is day 6 of waking up at 4:50am. I only waited two minutes before getting out of bed and so, by 5:00, I am already at the kitchen table. The orange horizon is particularly clear and the moon is shining brightly, still hovering in the dark part of the sky. Seeing the moon and the start of the sunrise on the canvas of a cloudless sky is breathtaking, mind quieting.
I was thinking about my dream when I woke up, trying to recount it, but when I saw the sky I started paying attention to where I was and remembered to brush my teeth in the kitchen (this time just because I wanted to: the bathroom sink has been fixed).
Monday June 15th 2020
Good morning Mr. Popper’s Penguins!
Today, I am sitting at the kitchen table and the sun has already come up. It is 7:00am. My alarm went off at 5am but, I was tired for some reason.
Should I count today as day 7 of changing my sleep schedule? I mean, I didn’t get up at 5am but this is all part of the process. If you don’t do something one day that doesn’t mean you broke your routine, just don’t forget it two days in a row.
Monday June 16th 2020
Good morning Sir Tompson Giraffe!
Today, I set my alarm to 7am.
I am thinking about Ava’s comment on the topic of friends; I found it interesting. She said, if her family died she would still have Julie and me (her friends) but that if we died, she would be depressed.
Friday June 18th 2020
Today I did a lot of work but I also hurt myself by not taking effective breaks. When I feel stressed it’s because i’m thinking about all the work I have to do. It’s not because the work itself is too much, it’s just that I feel bad for resting when I know I need to get stuff done. So, even during breaks, my mind tries to pretend it’s doing something and doesn’t rest.
Tuesday July 7th 2020
My grandma wouldn’t leave my room until she watched me eat the cake she made.
She stood by the door as I took three bites and kept asking if it was good.
I nodded saying “it’s hot” to explain my slow eating.
I put the fork down and went back to my weekly zoom internship meeting.
She just stood there.
I said “what?”.
She left.
But, half an hour, later my door creaked open.
I turned to find my grandma’s eyes peering through the gap, looking for an empty plate.
August 2020
I set my alarm to 11am
Somewhere in the middle of september:
I feel myself slowly transitioning into wakefulness. The blanket feels comfy and the morning light calm. What day is it? I turn to lay on my other side, eyes still closed. Maybe, if I remember what I did yesterday, I will know what day it is…
What did I do yesterday? Did I have class? I squint and turn to lay on my back trying to remember. What time is it? I feel like I slept for a really long time, maybe it’s late. Am I late to class? I jump out of bed and run hurriedly to turn on my computer. Oh, it’s saturday.
October 1st 2020
An evening conversation:
Mom- So that’s where the teapot is! I was looking for it all morning. Did you move it?
Grandma- No, it was here in the same place for days, I didn’t touch it
Mom- Seriously? but it was not here this morning
Grandma- I did not touch it. Look… Melody is laughing
Mom- Melody, did you move it?
Me- No
Mom- dad, did you touch it?
*Grandpa walks in from the other room*
Grandpa- What? no
Mom- am I really losing my mind or did i just not see it
Grandma- I’m telling you it was there
Mom- Melody you really didn’t touch it?
Me- I did not
Middle of October?
Still asleep? I hear my door creak open. Someone walks to my bed and pauses for a second. My hand flies up to a wave, my mouth says “hi” as if that’s proof I am awake. “Are you ok?” my grandma asks. “Yes” I mumble. She leaves satisfied. I glance at the clock… it’s 2pm
Ok, I hid my phone last night and I won’t touch it until I finish my homework. Today feels
No alarm, I need to sleep
