by Camille Tourdot
Music and Mental Health
In one of the songs that brought fame to the now seven-time Grammy award winner, Billie speaks about her struggle with depression in the lyrics and metaphors in “idontwannabeyouanymore”. In her Genius Interview, Billie talks about the meaning of her song where she states, “You are always you. Forever. That’s terrifying.” This quote fully encompasses her song as it represents this overarching theme of depression and self-hate. Billie’s song also depicts this broader context that depression makes us have a warped perception of ourselves and our identity. In “idontwannabeyouanymore”, identity is represented as this emphasis on hating oneself. This idea is also reflected in the music video of this song where Billie sings to the mirror that she doesn’t want to be herself anymore. This message ties in nicely with the opening of the exhibition as it once again brings into play mirrors to represent identity.
Art & Mental Health
Dadd lived in a time where medical diagnoses were not available and mental illness was a very taboo subject of discussion. But despite those factors, today many people know that he suffered from paranoid schizophrenia and his artwork often depicts his illness. In the piece The Fairy Feller’s Master-Stroke, the painting demonstrates a gathering of fairies. Dadd also incorporated tiny dots in this painting which created a claustrophobic effect. Dadd suffered from crippling schizophrenia which caused him to kill his father, so the majority of his identity was overshadowed by his disorder. He also spent about 43 years in confinement in two asylums so his artwork was the only way he could express what he was feeling. Dadd always painted elements of his schizophrenic identity in his paintings, most likely unconsciously as it made up a big factor of who he was. Dadd’s schizophrenia did not make up his entire identity but because everyone viewed Dadd that way, his mental illness and identity went hand in hand.
Poetry & Mental Health
My anxious thoughts (Thomas April 2018)
Anxiety anxiety, O my anxiety, I fear all and fear all of my fears, Anxiety anxiety O god my anxiety, Distractions, distractions, I try to fill my mind, Anxiety anxiety, O god please end the torture, I’ll want to scream to empty my mind, But I’m afraid of what people think of me, If it would actually help, Anxiety anxiety, Why do I think about everything, Anxiety anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety...
This poem by Thomas accurately depicts anxiety as being not simply an emotion or feeling but, an identity. In line seven of the poem, the speaker states “I try to fill my mind” showing that his anxiety is often the only thing on his brain. The numerous repetition of the word “anxiety” at the end of the poem also adds to this concept that the speaker can only process his anxious thoughts. It is clear in this poem that the speaker has simply become anxious as he is submerged in these thoughts and feelings of worry and fear. Another line in the poem that speaks volumes is when the speakers express “But I’m afraid of what people think of me”. I believe this line is impactful because often it is hard forming an identity when we fear so much what others think of us. Our fear can prevent us from learning about ourselves and instead we form this fake identity (like anxiety) that does not fully encompass all the complex layers of who we are.
“Happy” by Camille Tourdot 2020
“Happy” “Be happy”, “Be sad” But just don’t cry I mean your happy So smile It won’t last very long Not feel what you feel Cause you need to be happy Birthday, graduation I mean it’s all the same Laughing, memories Don’t let it go It’s once, In a lifetime So just try to be normal Not like I wanna cry or be unhappy Wish I was programmed To feel what I should feel It’s stupid, I’m crying I guess I’m just “happy”
In this poem, I was writing about a combination of emotions and dealing with a sense of depression. “I’m fine” is often the most overused word in people’s vocabulary and I wanted to emphasize this idea of pretending or faking your identity which in the end is very detrimental. In the lines “Wish I was programmed, To feel what I should feel”, I was trying to uncover this concept of feeling the pressure to feel and act a certain way which in the end alters identity. This poem also was written to give a sense of an “identity crisis” as I meant to display this idea that we don’t always know who we are but we feel forced to feel and act a certain way. The catchphrase in the poem “Be happy” is meant is express this illusion of happiness and how often we fake our emotions because we believe it’s the way we’re supposed to act.
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