My Mother’s Life
When I was a young child, I did not fully appreciate everything my mother did for me, and all the sacrifices she went through to raise my seven siblings and me. I was never close with her, nor interested to hear all the lessons I needed to know as a growing girl in America. That perspective changed when I left to live in Israel for a year after graduating high school. While there, I learned that living by myself, and providing my own meals strongly made me yearn for my mother back in America. From the time I came home from Israel, I told myself that the relationship between my mother and me must change. And now, after having worked on my goal for a few months, I am happy to spread that my mother and I get along very well, and share secrets together. But our new relationship didn’t mean that I knew about her life back when she was young, and therefore, after doing my research, I present, my mother.
My great-great grandfather, Mr. Youner, arrived in America around the turn of the century, and was followed by my great-great grandmother and their seven sons, a few years later. Mr. Youner was a cabinetmaker, and resided in the lower east side, a place where many Jewish immigrants, at the time, settled together, in order to keep their Jewish tradition alive. My great- grandfather was their oldest child, and after moving to Crown Heights, became the community butcher. At this point, the Jewish tradition was, unfortunately, becoming weaker in the family, and by my mother’s generation, was almost completely gone. Soon after, my grandfather was born, and at 24, married my grandmother and, in 1954, my mom, Sara Youner, was born, followed later by her two younger sisters, Rebecca and Johanna.
My mother grew up in Flushing, Queens in a community surrounded by Jews. However, my mother’s family was not active in the Jewish community at all, which stifled her opportunity to learn more about Judaism. My mother’s family was constantly on the move because her father changed jobs several times, which definitely hurt the family’s stability. She always liked animals; she wanted to be a vet when she was younger, or a regular doctor. In addition, my mom enjoyed reading and writing; in fact she was on the literary magazine in High school. In high school, my mother also participated in many anti-Vietnam war marches including the famous Wall Street Peace protest where a huge fight erupted between the construction workers, and the educated college students. In addition, my mother was, and still is, a strong feminist. She marched alongside Gloria Steinem at the first ever women’s liberation march. She remembers vividly a story of a woman dressed in pink waving a flag screaming “ you’re a comi if you don’t want to be a mommy”. Times were definitely different back then.
My mother continued on to attend Queens College. There, she was active in poetry readings, and medieval history, and completed college with a BA in English. After completing her degree, she traveled cross-country with her friends, and camped out, and went hiking. She ended up in California, and worked in a nut house, in a mall, for a few months. Then, while still in “the fox hills mall”, my mother worked at another store called “lerner shops”, a small dress shop. Unfortunately, she didn’t enjoy her job there, and returned to New York to attend Library Science school at Columbia University; she thought this would be a good idea because she loved to read, and found Columbia very exotic. My mom enjoyed her time there immensely. At that time, my mother moved into Columbia housing where she met her two closest friends, Susie Feuerwerger, and Karen Moss. These roommates, although brought up as religious Jews, were not attached to their faith at the moment, but convinced my mother to connect with her religion. My mother started attending lectures and classes at the Lincoln Square Synagogue, which truly interested her to become more connected to Judaism at the Orthodox level. This was my mother’s turning point in life because it satisfied her desire to learn about Judaism, something she had wanted to do all her life. This was like a “whole new world opening up”, and she finally found a spot in religion. Until this point, my mother had been trying out different religions to satisfy her. For example, one morning my mother visited Tasahara monastery, for Buddhism in California, and meditated with the monks. Her Jewish learning continued to increase, and soon after, she met Howard Apsan in 1977. My mother had just ended a serious relationship, and her friend Suzie took her to a Halloween party. At the same party, Sammy Heller brought along Howard as a friend. Howard grew up in Canarsie, Brooklyn. He was the child of holocaust survivors, and was involved in religious studies throughout his life. Everyone was talking and suddenly Howard and Sara met. They started speaking, and after dating for seven years, were married at the fifth Ave. Synagogue on June 26, 1983. My mother realized she was very unhappy being a librarian, and decided to go to law school. She would study law at night, and work as a librarian during the day. After law school, my mother worked at the legal aids office, and was fired for having participated in a one- day strike. But after her lawyer friend helped her out, my mom got her pay back. My mother continued to work in the DA’s office, and then obtained a full time job at Zuller and Bondie, until her second child, Debbie was born.
For the next sixteen years, my mother was a stay-at –home mom, who spent all her time and effort raising her seven children: Miriam, Debbie, Asher, Danny, Mikey, Benjamin, and Jonathan. This job made her feel accomplished, because after all her hard work and perseverance, my mother raised her children in a Jewish home with many important lessons about education, family commitment, and Jewish values.