Body and Soul
For my final project, I chose to portray the duality inherent in one’s identity. As this is a personal project, I highlighted the juxtaposition between growing up with a modern- Orthodox Jewish background, and attempting to reconcile that belief system with life as a modern American woman.
In addition to examining the bifurcation between Jewish and American society in regard to tradition and modernity, I also delve into what it means to be a young woman in both cultures. As a religious woman, I am expected to pray and to dress modestly. As an American, I am encouraged to express myself freely. The issue of gender roles is exacerbated as I muddle my way through the passing of my father, and what the ramifications are once the male role of the family alliance is left gaping.
The clash of both worlds was brought into sharp contrast when I entered my freshman year at Macaulay. Suddenly I was invited to restaurants with eager new friends, and I found myself explaining to them why I would love to go out with them, but I could not eat the food as it does not adhere to my Kosher diet. When meeting new people, I was shocked when males reached out to envelop me in a hug. Despite my jeans that marked me as a typical modern teenager, I did not know how to tell them that I was taught not to touch males. I then began to ponder my own limits, wondering if the boundaries were valid or in need of adjustment. Perhaps hugging has become the new way of meeting people, and is replacing the old- fashioned handshake. In a professional setting, I always shake hands; there is no sexual connotation in this action, and is expected in the workforce.
While I debate these quandaries, I am cognizant of the fact that my religious community is watching. I do not want to burn any bridges through a misconception of an innocent photo popping up on Facebook. To solve my fear of creating an uncomfortable situation while posing for a photo, and the repercussion of what might be said if I am pictured with a male’s arm slung around me, I try to jump into a group photo next to a female and hope that the spot on my other side remains vacant. Of course, this is just a temporary solution. I know that the clock is ticking until I have to make up my mind as to on which side of the spectrum I regard myself, starting with the group photo conundrum.
Perhaps it is worth questioning whether there it is possible to live in both worlds. At times, such as in the dating world, it seems as if I have one foot anchored in traditional Jewish culture, and another in American society. The paradox rears its ugly head at times like when I am invited to a networking event at a bar; my future job prospects require that I attend the event albeit the setting, yet it is inappropriate for a religious Jewish woman to spend time in such an environment. In my struggle to have one foot rest in both cultures, at times I fall between the cracks.
-Ariella Medows
May 23rd, 2013 at 10:33 am
Dear Ariella,
Your last phrase, “between the cracks” may well signal an opening to a path that is not as bifurcated as the one you describe so well in your video. The dichotomous words and images there are well chosen to show how your experiences of the two cultures are oppositional and how that leaves you feeling torn to choose one. But I am reminded of your essay and the way in which you did forge a new identity that, even though it did not adhere to the tradition, earned you dignity and respect. That “crack” seemed to make possible a new ethical identity that you gained over the course of that difficult year. As your title indicates, it is not an either/or decision but a both-and set of ongoing decisions. Thank you for this thoughtful creative project.