Professor Lee Quinby – Spring 2013

Oh Fabio


Oh Fabio

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“This book was one of the best books I have read in a long time. It had the things I like in a romance, a dashing knight, a beautiful princess, and of course the bad guy. This book is for all those who love it when the hero has to fight for his lady.” – female reviewer on Amazon

 

Sorry for the delay! Here is my poem, and my description:

I wanted to look at Fabio for this project because I always saw him has a kind of sexual conflict, even before this class – he is hailed as the paragon of masculinity, for his muscular physique and large jaw, but he is also a joke, a parody of himself. As  I thought about it further I realized Fabio wasn’t nearly as good an example of sexual objectification from an emotional standpoint as he was from a capitalistic standpoint. All of the attention he receives is for his looks, but in most cases its not driven just by physical lust for his body but emotional lust for what his body represents- the chin is strength, the hair is old fashioned romance, and the exposed, rippling muscles are safety, protection, and being easily swept up over the threshold of a pirate ship’s lovemaking cabin. In other words he has come to be more than a person, embodied by the fact that he only requires one name. How did the Fabio Lanzoni, mainly anonymous male model, become FABIO?  He was discovered at 14 in Italy, and became a model for photographers there. But I think the crux of his transition was in his travels to America. There he was a pleasant anachronism – the Italian Stallion, his long hair recalling fairytales with knights on white horses. His exaggerated masculine image became the perfect advertisement for romance (see: all the romance novel covers he’s done) and for attractiveness (see all the food and health products he’s endorsed). His life has been run on biopower since then – his livelihood fueled by his looks and therefore his trips to the gym and to the salon. And the other facet to his transition in to FABIO is that he figured out how to sell himself – he wrote his own romance novels, starred in a crappy but innuendo laden fitness video, and he even had a phone line where, for $1.99 a minute,  you could listen to wise romance-isms from Fabio himself: “A man should protect hees woman”. Yea. He’s been selling sex his whole life, while touting it as something more tender.

 

Ode to Fabio

Oh Fabio

When your looks have overtaken your soul

And your face has become a brand

No one will give you a serious role

*

I wondered if it was your fault

Or if some faceless corporate suit saw

one perfect pec daring to bare

in the quaint Italian countryside air

and said hey America needs some of that right there

and took you in his capitalist maw.

*

They say you were an Italian film star

but Hollywood has a gluttonous draw.

They said you would go far,

the handsomest handsome they ever saw.

*

Then they swept you off

to commercial after commercial

made you feel used, not special

When you asked them for a single penetrating line

They said Fabio! You’re doing fine.

Now inch a little into the light

so that it hits your hair just right

and turn a little towards the fan

so that it blows away not at you,

and stand very still, remember you’re

a statue.

*

Bio-powered vehicle, economically useful

fitted out like a machine

Infiltrating women’s homes

On the covers of romance novels

you made the sad, the chubby, the lonely women grovel

all while holding goddesses, giant breasted and lean.

You quickly figured out

with muscles bared and brash,

it was easy to to trade the beef for the cash

*

You called your self a simple man

A bard, a poet with a global message of ROMANCE

but with no thought,

only an empty and seductive dance.

*

And now you speak in innuendo and small talk

Thoughtless thoughts inching out

The corner of your mouth

Spewing romantic clichés and hackneyed phrases that you were taught.

You say men only care about visuals

Then you say you need something more intellectual, more profoundly beautiful

But you never go out with less than three buttons down.

*

And today you feel old

Owning 222 barely used motorcycles has taken its toll

And all your neighbors say, “Of all the people! Heavens above!

Fabio has a Lamborghini but he doesn’t have love.”

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One Response to “Oh Fabio”

  1. Lee Quinby Says:

    Rachel,

    It’s always fascinating to learn more about a cultural icon, and in this case, the story of how Fabio was “discovered” at such an early age and became the thing created is a good instance of how objectification operates on bodies and minds. Your poem gets at that quite effectively and, importantly, addresses him as a person. As you show, the extremism of his masculinity actually puts it into a parodic light and thus reveals the faultlines of hyper masculinity.

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