It is interesting how universal this idea of domus is. My personal experience is very similar to Silky’s in that she could not talk back to her elders. Whenever I would go to family gatherings or occasions, my mom would remind me to greet the people who were older even if I had no idea who they were . The constant reminder has become so engraved in me that it is my second nature to automatically go up to my elders and say hello. However, it was very interesting to read these chapters because I feel that the domus of my family and that of the Italians worked in a different style.

When I first came to America, my extended family lived in the same house as my family did. My grandmother had purchased a three story house, which my entire family on my dad’s side shared. My grandparents lived on the second floor, my aunts/uncles on the third and my family on the first. However, although we all lived together, it was obvious how much we all wanted to move out. It was great to be with the family at first because it made things a lot easier. My aunts and my grandparents came a lot earlier, so they were already settled down. By the time my family came, we didn’t have to worry about the usual problems, such as finding a place to live or even finding a job because my grandmother already found openings for my parents. In this way, I feel that my family had a domus lifestyle out of ease and necessity rather than anything else.

For the Italians, however, I think that it’s completely the opposite. The domus lifestyle is practiced because the concept of family is very important. Like ToniAnn said, “To NOT be with them is a very strange thing to imagine.” I know this was definitely not the case for my family because as soon as my aunts and uncles had enough money, they all moved out. This is also why I think the festes are so important to Italian culture. During these festes, people really get to experience unity and family/friend bonding. Experiencing religious spirituality, of course, is also another reason why these festes were so prevalent. However, even when people prayed to the Madonna, the prayers usually concerned family.

This relates back to the point brought up by Alexa about how New York City is a contradiction. Although this idea of community is so strong in many immigrant cultures (that’s why we have ethnic neighborhoods), the idea of individuality is engraved in American culture. It’s a very interesting idea to think about.

Let me start by saying that I am grateful for the increase in independence for women. I would not be happy if my only purpose in life was for labor – in terms of both work and childbearing. I have the relief and freedom to have a boyfriend in today’s America without the following pressures of marriage. I have the right to establish my home as a public matriarchy, if I so wish to. Although women still have certain restrictions in the current society (i.e., the glass ceiling), there’s no denying that we’ve come a long way since the 1900’s.

Personally, I am glad that we were assigned to interview our family members at the beginning of the semester. This gave us something to relate to as we indulged in the class readings. There were many times while reading Robert Orsi’s tome The Madonna of 115th Street when I said to myself, “My Italian grandparents did that too!” These examples include wearing scapulars with the Madonna’s image, celebrating feast days of the saints, and the stereotypical covering of furniture with plastic covers. After reading the text, I now understand WHY such cultural actions were fulfilled.

Thus, like Silky, I found myself relating to certain qualities of the domus. My Italian and Irish families highly value respect of others – especially of contrasting ethnicities (obvious in my case of mixed bloodlines). Its strictness, inflexibility, and omnipotence, however, caused inevitable discomfort and fear amongst its younger generations. This does not surprise me why the domus deteriorated over time and after consequential “Americanization”. Although I think it impossible to revive the domus in every single way, I believe that some of its values should be more recognized in today’s America. For instance, marriage was seen to strengthen the domus, rather than weaken it. Too many marriages end in divorce today, which would hypothetically send thousands of women into exile. Perhaps this kind of proactive goal for marriage would help people realize that the union is more than just a lavish ceremony and fairy-tale companionship.

I couldn’t help seeing the symbolism of the Madonna representing the concealed power of women in Italian Harlem. Everyone in the community relied on her for success and blessings, similarly to how the men would depend on their wives for economic and social support. Women would be publically prominent at religious gatherings especially (i.e., festas and funerals), assuming an important position like the holy mother. Yet, even women found themselves relying on her mystical power. The Madonna served as the ear that was never deaf to the concerns and complaints of her people.

Like Alexa, I found that Orsi mentioned things about immigrant life already stated by Anbinder, Foner, and Pritchett. However, what I like especially about Orsi’s text is his including of pictorial references. The words on the page become so much more animated when an actual image is associated with them. Also, in all honesty, who doesn’t like picture books?

I agree with Alexa completely when she describes her amazement of the immigrant’s ability to get through each day. Every minute of every hour of every day is a struggle. For the Italian immigrants living in Harlem, many of whom were separate from their families in America, they looked to religion and their friends to survive each day. It is even more difficult to imagine the challenges faced by these Italian immigrants when Orsi describes the empirical role of the family in Italian life. He quotes a second generation Grandmother who stated, “But I know of only one way of bringing up a family in a decent manner, and that is the Italian way” (80). When the family places such a central role in a society’s culture, so much so that the inhabitants of the society have a special word for it – domus – it is even more detrimental to be separated from one’s family.

Religion played a pivotal role in the lives of these Italian immigrants, and the Madonna of 115^th Street is a manifestation of this important aspect of their lives. When Italians were faced with difficult times, they journeyed to 115^th street to ask for help. Orsi writes, “She was asked for help in finding jobs during the depression. He protection was sought for the men of Italian Harlem who went off to fight in the second World War…” (50). Orsi also describes the festas, which were major celebrations among the Italians in Harlem. This was a religious celebration to honor the Madonna; however, many Italians who didn’t frequent Church for services, still attended the festa. The priests view the festa as a way to raise money and religious awareness. It was also a way to bring the community together, which was another important aspect of Italian Harlem.

In Italian Harlem, neighbors and residents of the same apartment buildings were seen as part of the domus. He describes a common view of many locals – “If I come to your place and I’m hungry, I can be sure that if you have a piece of bread you’ll share it with me” (91). Many men came alone to America and were forced to become close to their neighbors. At the same time, Orsi discusses one couple who sent their daughter back to Italy to be raised by her grandparents so she would be raised with Italian morals and values. The immigration from Italy to America had a negative impact on the family for many Italian immigrants.

Overall, despite the hard times faced by many immigrants, the Madonna was seen as an object of comfort. People were not afraid to seek out her help and believed in her healing and helping powers, which allowed them to get through each day.

Even though I am not Italian, I can still relate well to the story of Italian immigrants during the turn of the 20th century.  The valuing of family, and above all respect permeates my background.  Just as Silky brought up, many families still regain a sense of tradition and conservative attitude, albeit not as extremely as the immigrants we read about this week.  I thought I had overprotective parents until I read this week’s chapter!

It was interesting to read of La Madonna’s journey, and of her intimate connection with the Italian community of East Harlem.  She stood as a beacon of hope, a place to turn to when life seemed unbearable.  As many mentioned, however, the real glue that kept communities and families together was not necessarily religion, but the strict domus system.  Orsi starts out with an idyllic description of family bonding and respect, but in the end of the reading has dramatically switched to a description of a strict, stagnating, and even abusive system based on a respect from fear and not love.

Toni-Ann makes a point that filial piety can stem from love and not just fear, and I agree.  Perhaps such a thing came from American culture, which stresses both individualism and love.  I can still somewhat relate to the immigrants’ condition: As a child, I wasn’t allowed to leave the house, and my parents would not allow friends over.   Going  to a friend’s place involved an elaborate and lengthy procedure of planning and communication with the other family.  However my parents claim this was out of “love” for me, and for my safety.  It wasn’t for the protection of family reputation or for the preservation of our culture.  I think whatever traditional qualities have stuck in modern families have adapted to fit an American mindset.

What I found strange with this week’s reading was the woman’s role in the family (of Italian immigrants). On one hand they were verbally abused and wholeheartedly dominated by the men in their home, but were considered the “rulers of the home”.  Orsi describes the Italian immigrants’ home as a “matriarchy”, that the men’s opinions were eventually swayed to the woman’s side.  This is highly ironic!  It was also shocking to read of the vulnerability, restraint, and difficulty faced by the younger Italian women looking for a husband. Any words said could devastate their reputation and ruin them for life!  Perhaps the few women that were able to survive this system and go on to marry were strong enough to manipulate their husbands, and subconsciously garner respect from their family.

Coming from a completely Italian family, I could really relate to the reading this week in the sense of the idea of the domus.  Ever since I was born, my family has been one of the most important things to me.  I was raised being around my family all the time–this includes parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.  To NOT be with them is a very strange thing to imagine.  Some of my best memories took place while I was with my family, and I can safely say that we are a very tightly-knit unit.  Although the domus is not taken to the extremes that it was for the Italians of East Harlem, it is still a prevalent factor in my life.

As I read of how the Italian children were expected to show respect to their elders and things of the like, it just struck me as a natural thing because, like Praveena and Silky said, I was raised in this same manner.  I could not even imagine talking back to my parents, cursing, or speaking rudely around them!  The whole idea of rispetto rings true with my family and me, and I understood what some of the Italians meant when they said that rispetto was a sort of respect-fear.  However, this does not mean that there is no love.  I think that the love between each member of my family and I is only strengthened because of the respect-fear we have for one another.

What I was surprised to read, however, was the lifestyle expected to be maintained by the women of the domus.  I thought it was very nice that the older, married women were looked up to and regarded so highly, but I felt very sorry for the young women!  They had such high expectations to live up to, and risked losing a chance for creating their own domus in the future if they failed to live up to these expectations.  The amount that they had to worry about their reputations was ridiculous.  I mean, for myself, I would want my parents and family to meet a boy that I was dating, and I would want their approval, but I would hate to be judged for the rest of my life if my family did not like the boy!  To have everyone in the neighborhood watching every move I made to make sure I didn’t overstep the boundaries of the domus would be pure torture.  But many young Italian women sacrificed their own desires for the sake of the domus.  Now this, I can relate to.  Family came first for these Italians, as it does for me even today.  They just wanted to make sure that their future generations had the same upbringing that they themselves had.

Like William, I think that the tightly-bound communities of Italian Harlem is what makes the Italians look back on their neighborhoods with nostalgia.  Living in Italian Harlem during the “age of the domus” was probably a lot better than living in cramped tenements among people that did not know, or like, each other.  I thought it was really cool how the Italians had their own families, but then extended this familial bond to other “comari” of the neighborhood.  It kind of reminded me of my own neighborhood as I was growing up; all of the families on my block were very close, always playing outside together or having dinner with one another.  It is because of this that I now look back upon my childhood neighborhood with the same sort of nostalgia I believe the Italians have when speaking of Italian Harlem.

Before I read the later chapters of the readings, I thought that la Madonna was the main thing that united the Italian immigrants in East Harlem. However, I agree with Silky that the domus was the most critical aspect of Italian immigrant life in East Harlem because it influenced the people in the domus to make certain decisions.  These readings struck me because it made me realize just how important family is to the Italian community in East Harlem and how this molded the future generations of East Harlem.

One fact that surprised me was how Italian families in East Harlem considered people in their families true Christians only when he or she abided by the domus.  If rispetto was not upheld or if a family member did something that did not show any concern to the domus, then they were not considered a Christian but what was referred to as “Turk” behavior.  That is how close knit families in Italian East Harlem were because any decision such as moving away from the domus center could result in the breaking of a family bond.  It was interesting to read about how close each person was with even distant relatives and how the family worked together to try and avoid complete Americanization of their children.  That is why I believe the domus was so strict on its younger generation because if the children married someone who was not Italian, families thought this would result in a change of Italian customs. In addition, if someone moved to a different neighborhood, families believed that this would lead to abandonment of the domus for good and an embrace to more American customs.

To me , that is why the domus society strove to have such a strong grip on its family members. The primary goal was to avoid Americanization and assimilation at all cost and to uphold family values.  Some children did make decisions and sacrifice their wants in order to keep their family together.  I thought that that was so selfless of them as some even rejected the husband or wife right for them in order to maintain the domus society.  This was rispetto,  to do anything that was respectful to the home according to the Italian East Harlem community.

I think that having a close knit family as the Italians did in East Harlem explains why immigrants have such good memories of their ethnic neighborhood. During these times, everyone was close with more family members. Families lived in the same apartment buildings and people trusted one another to the point where close friends left their doors open. Although times were hard for Italians and other immigrants, they still were able to make the most of what they had in their festes and the bonding they had with their family.  That is why, in my opinion, the domus was so strict and why people had good memories in East Harlem.  They did not want this close knit family structure to leave or diminish; they wanted this to be preserved and be a long lasting memory in Italian immigrant history.

Like Silky, I related to the lifestyle depicted in this week’s reading, namely chapter 4 where the domus was examined. I still have never had a friend over at my house nor travel to a friend’s house, for it is a concept that my immigrant parents still would not understand. This is similar to Italian elders not being able to understand why the domus was not “society enough for their children” (102). The notion of keeping family intact while being in a country like America was something that I also related to. My mom always tells me how she can never understand how parents can let their kids go so far away for college. Like the Italian elders in these chapters, my mom views this type of separation from your family as a “bad American” tradition.

I felt as if the concepts of freedom and open expression were grouped together as “bad American” traditions. Openly talking about sex, using profanity in the presence of family, etc. It’s a concept still prevalent in New York City, with so many immigrants holding on to their strong values that they bring from home. Raising children in America is especially a big concern. The first page of chapter five bears the quote “What good are the laws of this country if a child is given liberty to talk back to his parents?” It’s hard to instill respect-fear into a young child living in the states, especially now with certain laws in effect. I know my younger cousins can tell our grandparents that they hate them without getting beaten with a bamboo stick pulled right from the backyard like it would have happened in Guyana. (There are other, less graphic ways of instilling respect-fear, I was just listing the worst case scenario.) The younger generations also more prone to assimilation (I say “prone” to label it as a negative thing, the way the elders may have viewed it) so religious values, family values, these traditions disintegrate. Watching the original values fade as the younger generations blend in can make the “American” ways seem like a product of evil. Silky actually does remind us that we can all relate to this idea of a “family-centered” culture.

There was this unsettling balance between oppression and freedom when it came to women. La Madonna was a female figure that seemed to have represented strength. The Italians looked to her when someone needed to be healed, protected, guided. The feste was a big celebration which allowed females to step to the front. It’s even stated that “women were the symbols of the domus. Young women were the symbol of its continuity but also its fragility…” (141). This thought continues on to say blatantly that women are central to the domus in a domus-centered society. Yet with women so centered, they were so oppressed when it came to the men in their lives. Young girls faced tension and hostility when trying to receive “too much” schooling. Their families were fearful that this would scare off suitors with less education, or that the lady would even start to look down upon men with less education. The women had to put all the schedules and preferences of their male relatives before their own schedules and preferences. From the same paragraph that I pulled the previous quote from, it is stated that “fraternal violence, which was as much against their sisters as it was on their behalf, was one of the prices women paid for their centrality in the domus-centered society” (141). It is clearly admitted that women were central to this culture. It seems as if the female presence was a mere figurehead, and the male presence did all the string pulling. (Yet at the same time, it was stated at the end of chapter 5 that women were pulling the strings of their men, forcing them to do certain things and make certain decisions; it’s a confusing concept).