The Politics of Art & Authenticity

It was just like any other weekend, I was attending the Sunday school teacher’s meeting in the local church. A new topic came up on the agenda. It was about the performances they were planning to do for the Passion Sunday. There were a list of different performances, a musical, a choir and an ensemble. At first, I didn’t know whether I should volunteer. I’ve been always willing to serve God with my musical talents but being merely an assistant teacher whose age barely differs from the kids I had to instruct, I was simply not confident enough. The other positions quickly filled up and when it came to decide who should instruct the ensemble, nobody would volunteer. Passively, I was hoping for any of the regular teachers to take the job so I could participate as an assistant. It was then, when things were about to be wrapped up going without an ensemble, I raised my hand. I volunteered to direct the ensemble.

Everything had to be prepared from the scratch, from recruiting, choosing a song piece, transposing, analysis, conducting, and playing. It seemed almost impossible for one person to handle. Some how I was never frustrated or tired. I enjoyed every single process and it did not feel like I was wasting one single second. As practice sessions went on, I felt more confident not just in playing but instructing the group.

Throughout my life, I have been constantly been discouraging myself from entering the musical field assuming it’s only for the extremely gifted and privileged. I was perplexed by the situation of wanting to pursue violin as more than a hobby while acknowledging the fact that I would not be able to devote my entire life and career into the field.

But here, the solution was. No matter what other people may say, pointing out that I did not have enough credentials or professional training, this was my tribute to God through the gift he had given me.

This is my shoulder rest for my first full size violin. It symbolizes confidence. Without confidence, I would not have been able to step up from my comfort zone and discover other potentials.