Category — About Face

I learned the rules of table tennis when I was about six years old. My dad would always offer to play easy, but this offer was always paired with a reminder that if he played easy I’d never improve. My response was always a quiet smile and steadfast “no thanks.”

As I improved I began to mirror his teaching style. Now for any opponent I’ll offer to shift down a level and their answer usually provides a relatively sound character sketch and game prognosis. A mischievous smile tells me my opponent isn’t in it for the game, he or she is showing off for a friend or just indulging my hunger for a match. The player’s head is somewhere else, an easy win but not a worthwhile game. A conceited response along the lines of “Only if you want to…” (emphasis on the want) shows the person’s obsession with image and that he or she has a bit too much belief in their own ability and intelligence. The player is a nuisance. Indecisiveness leads to empty arguments and inevitably bitter conclusions. You win the game but that person is going to guilt you into feeling like a cheater, and you’re not a cheater. Then there is the swift corner grin and two-word response of “no thanks”. A worthy adversary, the game will be brutal and you may not even win.

It’s called a match for a reason; you’re supposed to play people who are at an equivalent level. If you’re not, then you should play just as hard to bring them up to your standards. If you go easy then you too are sending a message, a message that the status quo is just hunky-dory. The status quo is rarely hunky-dory. There’s a reason that the word change is so closely associated with the world. We have changed, are changing and will change. If we don’t, we’re doomed to indefinitely remaining stationed as the loser. No one wants to be the loser, but overcoming the forces that prevent everyone from being victorious takes effort, which not everyone is willing to put in.

My dad hasn’t beaten me in a few years. We play good games; long, trying, but I always end up with the win. Dad never frowns when he loses for the forth time in a row; instead he radiates happiness. This level of delight is only attainable by a person who recognizes the beneficial significance of their failure. I suppose for every tired winner there is a happy loser. When I eventually grow drowsy I can only anticipate the void of happiness soon to be sealed. I will gladly pass on the paddle when the time arrives, but I’m not tired yet.

Christmastime, 2007. It was the first time I was going to visit my relatives who lived in Taiwan. I had only been out of the country to Cancun, Mexico, and I was at a nice resort where everything was high class and I was shielded from the impoverished areas of Mexico. When I went to Taiwan, I was expecting the same thing when I went to my aunt’s home in Kaoshiung, Taiwan. However, on the drive from the airport to my aunt’s home, all I saw were trees, trees, and more trees.

I am used to urban areas, not the countryside. Little did I know that I was being thrown into the poor area of Taiwan. When I arrived at my aunt’s home, I was in shock. Her neighborhood was full of overgrown weeds, peddlers on the street, and stray dogs wandering around every now and then. The exterior of her home was old-fashioned, made of stone walls and having metal fencing to protect the windows. When I entered, it looked like a decent home, but it was nowhere near the comforts of my home. My aunt had strict rules: conserve the clothes you wear because we conserve water and don’t use the washing machine too often, don’t take showers more than ten minutes long, and lights out by 10PM. I hated these strict rules in her home, but as time went on, I grew to understand why she was so conservative.

We went to different points of interest in Taiwan, and occasionally wandered through poor towns. We passed by a temple where I saw many people just sitting on the floor, some missing limbs, while others looked emaciated. I saw now why my aunt was being so conservative: she wanted to be as efficient as she could in the way she lived her life. I realized now that I take so much for granted living in New York, and that I have it so good compared to my aunt, as well as other people who live in underdeveloped areas in the world. The longer I stayed in Taiwan, the more I grew to love my heritage. Featured above is a picture of my family eating at one of the road stands where they sell fried tofu. I know I’m not the focal point of the image, and the rest of my family is in here, but I wanted to emphasize how much I appreciate my family over the luxuries I have here in New York.

I believe that every moment in one’s life has an effect on them in some way. Everything we do matters, whether it become something important worth mentioning, or something small, not even worth remembering. Regardless of how significant you think your life has been or how exciting or meaningful it is, what your life today is is a culmination of everything that’s happened in the past. I do believe that everyone has at least one point in their life where who they are changes in some way. For better or worse, everyone has an “About Face.”

For me, it happened in my freshmen year of high school. I had chosen to go to Bishop Ford Central Catholic High School in Brooklyn, New York. That decision in itself was a life changer. My two older brothers had both gone to Xaverian High School so automatically, my family, friends, and relatives had pretty much all expected me to go their because it was “familiar” with us. When it came time to choosing where I was going, I had convinced myself that I didn’t want to go where my brothers went. I didn’t want to be known as “Little Ross” throughout my high school years. All the teachers in my elementary school knew my brothers before they knew me so I always felt a little pressure to live up to the standards that they had set. I didn’t want to feel that pressure in high school. So in the end, I thought it would be best to go to Bishop Ford.

My freshmen year in Bishop Ford was without a doubt the most stressful, challenging time of my life. I had pretty much gone to school with the same 30 people from grades K to 8th grade so now everything was different. I was this little kid surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of people that I had never seen before and I honestly didn’t know how to handle it. Everything was a struggle for me. I was so used to knowing everyone and knowing all the work, that this was all just a shock to me. Nothing came easy to me my freshmen year. My days consisted of waking up, going to class, going to football practice, and coming home to sleep… Many times without even eating dinner or telling my parents I was home. I was rarely happy during that time. I think it was just that the whole “high school” experience was very overwhelming and it took me pretty much the whole year to eventually be comfortable with school.

I think that year of high school, although it was the hardest and most miserable time of my life, changed my life forever, for the better. The next three years at Bishop Ford were an unbelievable experience for me. I can honestly say school went from being the worst time of my life to the best time of my life. I have never been happier than I was for those last three years of high school… And I think I can attribute that to all the challenging experiences I had during that first year. My freshmen year changed me socially, physically, and emotionally. From this roller coaster ride of an experience, I now believe it’s true that you “have to go through hell before you get to heaven.”

Eating was always a chore to me. At the dinner table I’d never fail to find something to complain about, some component of my meal that I didn’t like, but had never actually tasted. Chicken and Broccoli, no broccoli. Cereal, no milk. Salad with only lettuce tomato and onions, no dressing. Spinach, peppers, carrots, zucchini, squash, peas, cauliflower, pickles, cucumbers, strawberries, cherries, pancakes, waffles, and cheeseburgers were just a few of the “hated” foods. I was a difficult child so my mother stopped pushing me to try them, she complied with my taste buds and started cooking according to my tastes.

As time went on, I grew and changed as a person, going through some good years, some awkward years, puberty, heartbreak, laughter, and love. As new experiences began to mold me into an adult, one thing remained the same: I was still difficult with food. How would I grow up if I was clinging so tightly to this one aspect of my childhood, with no defendable reason why? I then decided to take control my own life and not let my icky feelings about food hold me back.

I ordered Chicken and Broccoli from Feng’s Garden, but this time I didn’t pick out all the broccoli. Before I had the time to change my mind, I stabbed a piece of broccoli with my plastic fork and put it in my mouth; quickly followed with as much rice and chicken as I could fit into a mouthful. I then started chewing and could barely taste a difference. Pleasantly surprised, I snuck pieces of broccoli into all of my mouthfuls and finished my meal with a sense of accomplishment for trying the forbidden food.

I slowly weened myself into liking all of the “hated” foods. After trying a cheeseburger for the first time, I ate one every day for a week. I discovered new interesting tastes feeling a slight sense of sadness that came with the realization that I had been missing out. The only way I could compensate was to enjoy. This experience showed me that great experiences will follow if you’re not afraid to try new things, I now try as much as possible to be open minded and push myself out of my comfort zone, not only with food, but in all aspects of my life.

Generally speaking, the first important decision teenagers are required to make is deciding upon a college, for me however, choosing a high school was just as if not more difficult. In under to understand my predicament at the time, it’s imperative that some background information be given.

I have lived my entire life in Orange County, New York, a large part of the Hudson Valley, which given my opinion, is nicer than any borough with the exception of Manhattan, but that’s beside the point. At the age of six, I entered a small Catholic school in a small town located on a big river, the Hudson. I stayed in the school from Kindergarten through Eighth Grade and with few exceptions, graduated with many of the same kids I entered the school with nine years before. During those years, for the most part, I stuck with the decisions of my friends, because in many regards my class was a large group that in many instances acted together; however once the time came for looking to school after the eighth grade, things changed rather quickly.

As all of the other kids in my class weighed one of two options: a) their local school district’s Public School or b) a mediocre Private School a few towns away, I sought after something else. As it turned out, most chose the latter option, which isn’t a surprise considering the path between the two schools had been paved by past graduates, yet the school hadn’t interested me at all, so the possibility never entered my mind. Instead, I set my sights on a school which was not only located in a different state, New Jersey, but was relatively unheard of by any of my classmates and never attended before by anyone from my elementary school.

The funny thing in all of this, was that I was the person least expected to stray so far from the rest of the class, certainly there were moments when I separated myself from the others, but when attending nine years of school with many of the same kids, choosing something different isn’t as easy as one might think it would be.

The end of that year, I began high school not knowing a single person that would be graduating with me four years later, not knowing a thing about the town it was in or the state for that matter, and taking a train full of New York City commuters to school each day, plus I had to wake up at 5:30. Yet, it was something entirely different than what I had been used to and I ended up enjoying it immensely.

Now reflecting on my choice four years later, I am absolutely positive that I made the right decision in going against everything that I had normally would have done and doing something that nobody else in my class had even considered. I made new friends, gained new opportunities, had a totally different high school experience than anyone else I graduated 8^th grade with, and most importantly, loved the school. And none of this would have been possible if I hadn’t decided to be different than the rest.

Hmmm...

This past June, I went on an overnight “tiyul,” as a trip is known in modern Hebrew, to commence a year-long study abroad program. One of the highlights of the trip was a very unique water trail in the Galilee region of northern Israel.

Gushes of water rushed along a floor of slippery, sharp rocks that seemed to pierce through the inch-thick soles of my Crocs. A line of eighty girls trekked through the water trail, shrieking every few minutes, as they submerged deeper into the frigid waters. The windy path was lined with low-hanging branches, forcing us to choose under-or-over limbo. Every few steps, we had to stop and figure out how to continue forward. With each measured step, we had to try to feel with our soles for a secure foothold to tread on. The murky, opaque waters did not allow us to predict a sudden twelve-inch drop.

Luckily, each of us was always following directly behind someone, so at least we could alert each other if that was the case.

I’m not one for philosophy midday, but as I was hiking through the trail, I realized that this walk was very similar to life. You know the general direction, but choosing the exact path is difficult because you can’t always see what’s happening under your feet. A person ahead of you stumbles and falls, so you know to be careful at that spot, or simply avoid it altogether. Sometimes the waters are deep; sometimes you can miss a step and twist your ankle. Sometimes, you may want to stop to rest, but you’re afraid to lose momentum.

And if you do stop for a rest, you have to get up and keep going. There is no other way out; you have to reach the end…

I understood that though I may never know exactly what lies ahead of me, taking careful, measured steps could make all the difference in my future. The water trail made sense to me.

“If you don’t take risks, you can’t do anything in life.” I have grown very accustomed to this statement. Every day when I crawl out of bed, the first words out of my parents’ mouths aren’t the usual “good morning” or the common expression “how did you sleep last night.” Instead, the early morning air is filled with miniature lectures persuading me to be more proactive and take more risks in school. My parents thought that I would benefit tremendously if I were more outgoing. However, this was a problem.

Flashback. I am four years old living in a small town located in Shenyang, China. Growing up, I had a pretty happy childhood, until I found out something was neurologically wrong with me. This all began when my grandfather noticed that I stuttered. One day, he decided to take me to the family doctor. The doctor asked my grandfather “was your grandson born with a dominant right hand or left hand?” My grandfather immediately responds “he was born with a dominant left hand, but over the years I made him switch his dominant hand to his right.” After this statement, the doctor’s immediate diagnosis was that my stuttering was the result of switching my dominant hand, eventually affecting my motor skills.

Fast-forward. I am currently a freshman attending Brooklyn Technical High School. At school, I would fear to speak with my fellow classmates, and I certainly did not participate in class. However, my life changed drastically when I was introduced to Tech’s debate team during my sophomore year. Immediately, the debate coach, Mr. Adam Stevens, began to work on my stuttering by doing numerous speaking drills and different techniques to increase the clarity of my speech. The following weekend, I signed up for a small regional debate tournament.

In no time, the debate tournament had arrived and my coach, Mr. Stevens, thought that by debating, I could minimize my stuttering. The first debate round was about to take place, so I prepared myself for the best possible outcome. However, nothing in that round had truly displayed my recently sharpened speaking abilities. I continued to stutter heavily, and gave up in the middle of the round. After I shook hands with the judge and my fellow debater, I burst out of the room in humiliation and anger, and headed towards the huge bolted door with the bright EXIT sign above it. At that moment, my parents’ voices echoed the words “If you don’t take risks, you can’t do anything in life.” I quickly turned and marched back into the next debate round, telling myself without taking a little risk I can never overcome the disease that is my stuttering.

Fast-forward. It is currently my freshman year at Baruch College, and I barely stutter thanks to Mr. Stevens and some risk taking. Life is wonderful.

“Who are you?” wheezes the caterpillar, high on his mushroom pedestal. He blows smoke rings that engulf me completely, twisting and swirling their foggy tentacles around my thoughts.

What does it mean to have an about-face in one’s life? To answer this question, we must first delve into the meaning of identity. Even in today’s society, one’s identity goes much further than his or her Facebook profile. Identity is about who you are inside, and what makes you different from the millions of others around you. When you have an about-face, who do you become? If you change into someone new, does your old identity get lost forever? How many identities can one truly have until they all unify into what we recognize today as a “bipolar” personality?

Many of these questions lingered in my mind two summers ago as I considered my life plans and what I wanted to work as when I grew older. Even thinking about applying to college was difficult for me because I was not sure what I wanted to do with my life. I have always had an exceptional talent for technology and computers, but my AP Physics class revealed that I had a natural talent for physics as well. Lastly, I was attracted by careers in investment banking because of the mind-blowing salaries the field offered. Everyone says that you should not dedicate your career only for money because you will hate your job. I understood this and tried to keep away from applying to colleges that focused on business and finance.

The time came to apply to colleges and I decided to go into engineering. I loved math, physics, and technology too much to give up going into a career in that field. I applied to seventeen colleges, most of them being top schools, and a few like Baruch and Fordham, which focused on finance. Coming from a Tech school and having a very strong background in computers gave me a sense of “being ahead” and I already felt easier with my choice to go into engineering.

I was shocked and devastated when the last engineering school that I have been waiting to hear from, Cooper Union, rejected me off its waitlist. After spending a great amount of time deciding what I wanted to do in life, planning it out, and actually applying to the engineering schools, the road that I planned to take reached a dead end. I had no other choice than going into finance, a field that I do not necessarily dread, but one that came unexpectedly into my life. Having absolutely no prior experience working in the financial field gave me a feeling opposite to that of engineering. I felt like I was already falling behind the fast-moving financial world and needed to work twice as hard in to catch up.

One thing I realized from this experience is that one’s identity is about who he or she is inside – not what he or she works as. There are plenty of people in the world who, like I, (will) work in a field completely opposite to their interests and they are no less unique and distinguished than the people who do what they like. A word of advice to those who have faced an about-face in their own lives – you are still the person everyone knows as the nicest, funniest, coolest, smartest, and most social one around and nothing will ever change that; not even if you turn around a million times.

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