I have always felt like a tourist in my own home city. I always lived in Staten Island, which is still technically part of New York City, but I can’t connect the concrete jungle of the city skyline as a part of my home. I grew up planning trips to “the city” (a.k.a. every other borough) without a second thought of the irony of these plans- I mean, I already LIVE in the city. I realized all of this on one of those “trips”, when I visited the Manhattan High Line.

Tourism at the High Line

Much to my embarrassment as a native resident, I found myself at what may be the one of the biggest tourist attractions on the west side of Manhattan. After all, it is a place specifically designed to view Manhattan as a huge mass of buildings; homes businesses and fabulous architectural structures rising higher and higher, surrounded by water and covered with beautiful graffiti. It’s absolutely breathtaking, even if you’re familiar with the island already. It also made me realize that I can think of myself as a New Yorker all I want, but I still act like a god damned TOURIST when it comes to the boroughs that aren’t Staten Island.

A mass of buildings as seen from the High Line

This city is my home, and yet it isn’t. Staten Island is definitely my home- I am simply a visitor everywhere else. I can tell you where each Staten Island town is and how to get there, but I am truly lost as to where each area is in the other boroughs. I am not even able to tell you where most of the towns in Queens are, and I’ve been living in the Summit dorms at Queens College for half a year now. The High Line was a wake-up call to my lack of knowledge of New York City and how utterly massive my home really is. I’ve lived here for 18 years and I’m still a New York City tourist; I might just be one for the rest of my life, too.

High Rock Park, Staten Island, New York –        This is what I imagine when I think of home, which starkly contrasts what I imagine when I think of New York City and what I see at the High Line.

“Selling out”? I’ve never heard that term. Scrolling through the blogs I seem to get an idea, but still…I’m confused. To orient me I looked up several definitions including “One who betrays a cause for personal advancement” and “compromising of integrity, morality, authenticity or principles in exchange for personal gain, such as money.”

Let’s break things down: An “artist” is a person who creates “art.” A “commercial artist” or “commercial whateveryouwanttoputhere” makes money. Commerce = $$$. In the latter case, “art” is a means of producing money, the same way you can make money by driving a taxi, teaching at a NYC school, or mopping the bathroom. Just because you mop the bathroom doesn’t necessarily mean– well, hey you know I have a passion of scrubbing toilet bowls, that why I do this–No. Art is a lucrative business. Movies and songs are an industry, and as Loon repeats over and over in his videos, there is a lifestyle that you are forced to accept to make it, even as an entry level commercial rapper/singer/actor.

For a time, I dreamed of being a politician. The thought of being able to help people on such a massive scale appealed to me a lot. I soon realized how naive I was. The best piece addressing who a politician I read was “The Problem of Dirty Hands” by Walzer. The argument was simple enough:

1. Those “good” politicians who appear moral to us are the ones with “dirty hands.” They are the ones who undertake backhand deals to fund their political campaigns. They are the ones who know how to play the political game and are perceived to be representatives of the people. In reality, their causes are only for themselves.

2. Those politicians that appear to be “bad” and “immoral” are the ones who don’t have the skill to play the political game. Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Weiner anyone? Their causes are the same as those “good” politicians.

3. That leaves those who really want to genuinely change society. These are the politicians who can never become politicians, because they refuse to compromise their integrity.

Its a robust argument and extends not only in the political realm, but also in the music world as well.

Napoleon, born in Harlem and a former member of Tupac’s Outlawz group (today ALL members of the outlaws have become Muslims), left the music life and turned to a life of Islam. He describes how he would write his raps by thinking of the most evil and most dirty words that could possibly be heard by others. His record sales are a testament to his “success” in the industry. He speaks about the people of the industry by describing how “fake” the music was. Most of the rappers coming from the hood would rap about the struggles of the hood while living in the fanciest white neighborhood. Other rappers like Emenem have rapped about killing and burying their own mother. In his piece “Cleanin’ Out My Closet” he calls his own mother a “selfish bitch”  and hoped she would “burn in hell.” In another of his pieces “Living Life in the Fast Lane” he talks of selling his soul to the devil. Talk about selling out. Selling out your mom, your honor for the sake of money. Selling your soul for money. I would like to see someone defend such a worthless slime bucket.

Tupac gained a reputation of being the opposite of a sell-out. As he says in his interview, he wants to be a “real…nigga” The interview below is quite interesting. I definitely think you guys should watch it. His personality seems genuine, and in many ways relatable in the interview. As a matter of fact, I actually feel some sympathy for him after he tells the funny story of how he thought he made a friend of Jannet Jackson after he was her lover in a movie, only for her to change her number the day after it was all done. He seems like a relatable character. That is until you see his music video “Hit em Up.” The host mentions how his life was full of contradictions and his music videos that were commercially produced prove that instantly. His voice, words, tone, and character make him seem an entirely different person when he’s recording and when his not. Whether you say by circumstance or by choice, inauthenticity or downright confusion exists within the heart of such characters.

Not all sell-outs are on camera though. Throughout your life, Im sure you were tempted to be a sellout. How about that infamous college application essay question in which you describe how your mandated community service project became the reason for your care of African hunger? For God’s sake, my friend told me a story of his professor that told him a girl offered him a good time over the weekend for an A!

I have seen (and have a keen sense of immediately sniffing out inauthenticity). Too many experiences to recall. But as far as I’m concerned, I will never think about compromising any of my core values for anyone or monetary benefit. I can’t say I haven’t been tempted. Often times I stick out (ex. having to kindly and quickly explain to several representatives this Friday that I don’t shake hands with females during the Internship fair). But thats fine with me. It makes me who I am, and if you don’t like it, tough tittliwinks, what can I tell you, this guy ain’t bending for nobody. (Not to say of course that I won’t recognize criticisms and acknowledge faults, but I think you guys know exactly what I mean)

One of Napoleon’s mannny talks  about his life, the music industry, and his decision to leave it