Vigil

Sometimes, always in the dead of night, I leap out of bed and through my window.

As I land, I feel the cool grass beneath my bare feet, blooming with infant dew.

Refreshed, I begin to run.

Though there may be freezing rain, and nettles which pierce the sole, I am oblivious.

I run until I reach the gates.

I open them, cautiously, quietly as I can.

And run further still.

Until I reach my tomb.

There, a monolithic slab of marble serves as archway, and etched along its face, lunar silhouettes dance in dark recesses, where the letters of my epitaph are freshly writ, deep in the stone.

They read:

Here lies he who thought he was yours.

I shudder, enter, and descend.

Down down down into the catacombs of my life.

There are no torches, but I am accustomed to this particular darkness.

Darkness is not tangible—it is merely the absence of light.

Absence.

In my feverish trance, I pass many corpses along the way.

Some fresh and stinking, others, frail yellow bones, poised to be dust.

I walk, and every step reverberates mountainously within my skull, echoing like that ghost of the sea which haunts all marooned empty shells.

There are many doors down here, but they are locked.

You see, I lost those keys a long time ago.

Beyond these doors are more doors, I know.

And rooms I shall never see.

As I proceed, dust thickens the air, and I begin to wheeze.

My sleepless eyes water, until I am nearly blind.

Yet on I press, for I must see it.

I am possessed, I know, by that most powerful of necromancers.

Finally, at wit’s end, I reach the passage’s conclusion.

A rounded chamber, with a small wooden table.

On the table, a solitary candle.

This candle is for thee.

With trembling fingers, I light it, and for a brief moment, my world is illuminated.

I can feel your warmth.

I smile as I have not smiled in a lifetime.

I am alive.

I reach for the final door, and open it.

Instantly, I am flooded with inexplicable terror.

A draught wails through the tunnel.

The door bolts shut, and you are extinguished.

And here I am, imprisoned in true darkness, and I cannot see a thing.

I need you.

I sink to the ground, and this time, my tears are real.