Dear David,
As I read your post, I relate so much! I can’t even describe the excitement I felt when I was going Back to Bangladesh (BD). Similar to yours. Yes, I am finally going back! It was four years since we’ve been back. So my family and I went back to BD in 2010 for the summer. I thought I could play with my cousins in the countryside from morning until dusk just like we used to before I left. We even played in our houses after dark. The fun never stopped. We could play hide and seek among the trees, play hopscotch in front of our houses, and tell stories. A lot can change in four years so I’ve learned. When I went back it was not like that. Besides not playing outside much anymore, everyone changed. The environment changed drastically too. To this day, I want to go back to the way things used to be. A lot of people say they’re too American for their country but too foreign for America. I don’t have that experience so I feel left out when people say that. I am not American enough for the people back home. They expected and wanted me to be every American stereotype for them to marvel at. Probably what they saw as foreigners in Bangladeshi movies. I mean, first of all, I came in wearing traditional clothes. I was not accepted by my family there because I wasn’t “American enough.” This shocked me because I was once very much a part of the social fabric as much as anyone else. I thought we were inseparable. I was one of them, not anymore. Come to think of it, it was one of the very few times and places in my life that I truly belonged. In America, I’m not American enough apparently. I mean I’m not accepted as completely American. All this tension begs the questions: what is my Real identity? What is my Real belonging? You might say both but it seems like neither wants me.
