In this corner, we have sexism:
1) Double-Standards when it comes to sexual activity: The prostitute and the pimp. The hoe and the rapper. The slut and the player. Men and women can do the same thing when it comes to sex and it will be seen as a positive with the men and negative with the females. Women are expected to remain to remain virginal or not sexual (clitoris disproves that), while men are expected to “sew their wild oats.” How many male artists do you hear singing in a song crying over their girls who cheated on them or left them for other men, and then turn right around and sing about how many girls they slept with. Ewww! How would you feel if some guy came along and treated your girl, your wife, you mother, your daughter like she was a hoe, but you have the right to treat the girls outside of your personal contacts like that. She is still someone’s daughter, someone’s wife, someone’s mother.
2) Double-standards in intellect, politics and the workplace: In politics and the workplace, a man’s leadership skills, intellect and voice is respected more than a woman’s skills, intellect and voice. In some cases, a woman can give orders, but those orders will not be executed until a man comes along and approves them. If a women is just as aggressive as a man in the workplace, she is considered a b****. On the other hand, a man is just considered a man. For centuries, this notion of women belonging at home and in the private world and not in the public world of businesses, education and politics has made women feel like second-class humans with no importance to society except to give birth. Also, this notion has perpetuated less wages for women and less consideration for day-care services and proper maternity leave.
3) Double-Standards in beauty images: Why is it he can have a beer gut, but she gains 20 pounds and is immediately criticized for being fat? When it comes to beauty standards, women have a lot more weight (excuse pun) put on them to “look good.” The whole beauty industry is mostly dedicated to the one-dimensional beauty ideal for women: straight long, and blonde hair, skinny, tall, fair-skinned, blue-eyed, wears dresses, wears make-up, acts girly, dumbs herself down, etc. Even worst, men keep reinforcing these ideals by choosing the on-dimensional beauty and making the rest of us feel inadequate or ugly. So, we go through these extreme measures to “look good” for men instead of them telling us we look good the way we are. Yet, generally, they do not have to do much in ways of image because they control images.
4) Taking advantage of male strength: We get it! Men have muscles and generally, you are stronger. However, shouldn’t they take their strength to protect us from harm not cause it. Physical abuse, rape, sex trafficking, prostitution (thanks pimps!) are still in large numbers. Constantly, I hear stories of women and girls who are sexually harassed by guys as they pass them by and other guys just stand around, either ignoring or laughing. My cousin told me a story about her friends who were trying to ignore a bunch of guys cat calling them and they started to throw Snapple bottles at them. What?! Nice way to show your aggression, boys! If you want us to treat you like Kings, you need to treat us like Queens first!
5) Objectification of women: My previous points add up into this. Sometimes I feel as if women are not treated as human, we are treated like objects to be had. As my teacher said, some men act as if they are the doers and the aggressive ones, and we are just the objects or passive members (again, clitoris and testosterone in our blood proves we can be sexual and aggressive) in the society. It is clear in language in which the plural involving men and women together only reflects men and lyrics in music in which male artists sing or rap about how they have cars, chains, rims, grills, houses, cash and hoes (or girls, to be nicer). We are just trophies of their accomplishments or their entertainment to relax to and the more the better! If we get mad or emotional, it is not because we actually are, it is because we are hormonal or on our period. We do not have a mind, we are just things to toss around or become emotional for no reason. To some men, collectively we do not count and that is sad!
Bonus point: Blame the Victim! Some men actually blame women for all these things. If she dresses like a slut, it is her fault because she does not respect herself (Ice Cube actually said that). Really? I think a lot of men forget that the reason why we do things we do is to get men’s attention. We do not dress overly sexy, wear make-up, try to be super-skinny, straighten our hair, dye our hair blonde, wear heels, shake our butts, dance seductively, for our own enjoyment! We do it because we think that is what men want and men promote it by selecting those who comply with those things more often (ex. complimenting or looking at girls who look like that more often). Moreover, the women who do not respect themselves may have never received respect in their lives, so they act like that for attention. It is up to real men to show them what respect is even when they are looking or acting like that, so they can learn to respect themselves. It is a 50/50 responsibility between men and women. So, do not give us that excuse; only people who are in denial about their power and privilege do that.
And in this corner, we have feminism:
1) Overemphasis of the idea that men and women are completely the same, when they are obviously not: Yes, men and women are equal, but we are also equally different. Despite what some may want to believe, biologically, physically, mentally and psychologically, men and women are not the same. Men have penises, testicles, and sperm while women have vaginas, ovaries, eggs and a uterus that carries the baby. Males have more testosterone than females and females have more estrogen than males. These hormones have a huge effect on our physicality, how our brains are wired, how we think or feel and several other aspects of gender/sex. Why do you think it is easier for a man in general to tackle a woman than the other way around? The answer is men, in general, are biologically stronger because they naturally have more muscle mass. Also, it is not a coincidence that usually men are more visually attracted to things (hunters) while women are usually more emotionally attracted to things (nurturers).
2) The anti-man or “all men are dogs” sentiment among radical or extreme feminists: One of the reasons why I do not love the word “feminism” is because of the “ism” attached to it. I know I may be stretching this, but sometimes I feel that the word along with the words and actions of some feminists are another form of sexism. Instead of gender equality, they are trying to prove that “all men are dogs” and all women are innocent victims of men. I have heard of political lesbians, who are not really attracted to women, but would rather be with a woman or be celibate than to be with a man. Some men are dogs, but the good ones do exist, just as in the female population. Men and women are both equally significant in this world; we cannot have one without the other.
3) Chivalry is dead! Hmmm, I wonder why?: It is hard for a man to act like a gentleman when no matter what he does it is seen as him trying to get in her pants. If when he opens a door for her, pulls out a chair for her, pays the bill for her, buys a present for her, lifts something for her, protect her, does anything else nice for her and her response is “I am an independent woman! I don’t need you to do that for me, I can do it myself!” What else is he suppose to think? His response will be “fine, I am not going to do anything for you anymore, do it your damn self!” Then when she does need his help and he is not there for her anymore, this is the consequence. She complains that chivalry is dead, but she told him that she does not need him! If you do not need him, then why is he there? Yes, a woman can do a lot on her own, but if he wants to support her and help take care of her because he cares, why not let him sometimes.
4) Placement of focus on a set of social rules, instead of a right to choose your path and maintaining the main ideals of the movement: I do not think this was planned to come out this way, but these are some of the messages I receive from women who go overboard with feminism: a) do not wear dresses, make-up, or hairdos because those are creations of man, b) staying home and taking care of your children is disloyalty to the feminist movement and you are a slave to your husband, c) having children is more of a hindrance or curse (to my career, to my life) than a blessing and on and on. First, this way of thinking can be just as domineering as male chauvinism. Also, if a woman strips herself of everything that was considered feminine (some good, others bad), it might lead her into the opposite direction of imitating men. Some feminists have made it seem (again, probably accidently) that in order to equal to men, we have to be just like them in every way (a weird form of assimilation). Instead, they should have focused on showing that women are human (not objects), have minds, have important things to say, can contribute to society and still be proud of being women in the sense that we hold the key to life and are beautiful.
The ideal of feminism should be focused on a woman’s right to choose and whichever way she goes, she should be treated with respect and admiration. If a women chooses to stay home and take care of her children, that is her choice, as long as she feels fulfilled, respected and appreciated. She should not feel pressured that she has to work to feel satisfied in life. The same idea should happen in the workplace; her position should be seen as just as important (pay, promotions, work tasks, etc.). It should be that either way she chooses, it is still encouraged. Feminism goals should be fighting for equal wages, equal status in the workplace, business, politics, media, social worlds, and all over the world, stopping trafficking of women for sex work, fighting for justice for rape victims, fighting for better medical care, etc.
5) Failure to see the how racism and classism affects feminism: The Pedestal vs. The Auction Block view Next post….