There seems to be a lot of hatred running around the Internet regarding “fake gamer girls,” and admittedly, I joined in on this fun quite gladly for a long time. I am sure that by now most of you have seen quite a few people weigh in on this issue; it is in certain respects a dead horse that everyone has taken a turn beating. Indeed, for a while now, the various geek communities of the world (largely gaming and comic book fans) have been expressing a lot of malice toward what they deem “fake geek girls” (there are a variety of terms to use, they all express the same idea), mostly declaring that they claim to be nerds but in fact know little about whatever topic they proclaim to follow. More exaggerated claims say that women are pretending to be nerds in order to “prey” upon unsuspecting nerds.
I did not write this article because I wish to reiterate what so many others have already said. I’d like to explore to underlying psychology behind it. We all know that hating on “fake nerds” is ridiculous, wrong, and extremely immature. Rather than sit here and shell out an easy essay about how stupid this hatred is, just to collect some brownie points with feminists, I’d prefer explore the motives behind these angry male nerds. I am not convinced that male nerds express great hatred toward “fake nerds women” because they are psychotic, hate driven misogynists. Declaring that people are “evil simply because they are evil” fails to acknowledge that people are driven by emotions. I feel that by exploring these motives we could do more to mediate the issue as well as the underlying problems that cause it.
I would also like to note that I am no psychologist, some of the entries listed below may not be entirely accurate, based off personal experience/observations or even be flat out wrong. I am simply making educated guesses, not proclaiming myself the master of nerd psyche.
1) It is a sensitive topic to male nerds
In the past decade, the word “nerd” has transformed. It is not the same insult that it used to be; in fact, some people are using the word as a badge of honor. We’ve all seen people proclaim with arrogance to be “the biggest Harry Potter fan,” or declare that “everyone is a nerd now.” I will gladly admit that I am guilty of the latter; however I meant this in a good way, not with any sarcastic intent.
Herein lies the heart of the issue: the word “nerd” might not be the same insult it used to be, but it still can be used to hurt people. Depending on who uses the word and their tone, the word can carry a wealth of meanings. I once read an article that likened being a nerd in the 1980s to being homosexual in the 1950s, and I must say that this is a relatively accurate analogy. For the longest time, the “nerd” tried desperately to keep their interests secret to others, (for example, when I was 10, I was amazingly good at pretending to like sports, but not so good at pretending to be good at them). Recently, nerd culture has expanded — now everyone plays video games, everyone lines up to see comic book movies and it is common place to hear people making Comicon plans.
In a stunningly brief period, nerd culture evolved from a laughable subculture for the pathetic, into something invested in nearly everyone. Naturally, the nerds that endured ridicule (and often times violence) are upset with anybody that takes on a mere passing interest in “nerd culture” and then proclaims themselves a member of the subculture. Think of this with the same logic to how you might picture someone in 1946 suddenly developing an interest in Judaism, deciding to don a Star of David, learn a few lines of the Torah and then proclaim themselves a Jew. A “real Jew” might make the argument that there is more to being Jewish than understanding the scripture and eating the right food. There is a past that comes with the territory, an understanding that in certain ways you will always be different from others around you and that your ancestors endured persecution for centuries all around the globe. Whether it is an appropriate analogy or not, this is how many “true nerds” feel. These “pseudo-nerds” are not doing anything wrong — they are developing new interests and that is great. Nevertheless, “true nerds” feel as though people that don’t understand them are invading their society.
But of course the question still remains, why are “true-nerds” targeting women in particular with this rage?
2) It is becoming a fetish, which makes the women easier to spot
This is mostly the fault of the nerds as well, because nerds are very much attracted to other nerds (understandably). It is amazingly easy to get any nerdy male to explain how much he wants a woman that is sexy AND can discuss graphic novels at length. Thus, we nerds developed this fetish ourselves. This creates a rather painful double standard in which a female can be attractive in her nerdiness, yet a man usually feels as though he must hide it. As I said before, the impact of the word “nerd” as a demeaning term is diminishing, but for the most part, it is still not correlated with the word “sexy” in any immediate sense. Of course there are exceptions to every rule; I am not saying that a nerdy guy cannot get a girlfriend — I am saying that a male generally holds back on his nerdiness until he gets comfortable around someone. The results being that any “fake nerd males” become increasingly difficult to spot because they are far less likely to broadcast any nerdy interests they have, unless they are in the right environment. Whereas a female typically isn’t as open to the same scrutiny (at least not from men, I cannot speak for women) when she discusses her own interest in anything nerdy. In summary: being a nerd challenges the masculinity and sexuality of men, but it does not challenge (and instead reinforces) the attractiveness of women.
This drives male nerds absolutely insane. Remember that reason #1 is still in full effect, now add on the fact that a large demographic just got a pass on any potential ridicule they might have had for being a nerd. This creates the rather infuriating situation wherein you (as a male nerd) can be ridiculed, and then five minutes later witness the same person that made fun of you now hitting on someone else that is just as nerdy, simply because that someone else happens to be female. Thus, the only reasonable response (in the mind of some people) is to challenge the nerdiness of these people that may or may not intentionally be using nerd culture as a means of sexual attraction.
3) Nobody likes being turned into a joke
As I’ve mentioned several times, the word “nerd” can range from insult to compliment depending on the situation. The problem is that people, who view it as a weaker word, or even a badge of honor, will often use it to make fun of themselves in a tongue-in-cheek fashion. “Oh man I am such a huge nerd,” proclaims the girl wearing a “cake is a lie” T-shirt. Odds are she does not mean anything harmful by what she says, but to the nerd trying to protect his masculinity this is a nice little jab at his pride. To him it says: “look at how pathetic I am, isn’t this funny? This is how nerds act!” Nobody likes the idea of being turned into a joke for everyone else, and in so many ways pop culture is turning the male nerd into just that.
Have you ever seen The Big Bang Theory? Maybe you found it funny, maybe you didn’t, but did you ask a truly hardcore nerd what they thought of it? Odds are they will tell you how much they despise that show. Now ask them what they think of The IT Crowd, a far lesser known British sitcom of the same nature. If they have heard of it, odds are they will tell you how amazingly funny it is. The show centers around two IT guys who work in a basement and are bossed around by their manager (a 30-something year old woman) who knows absolutely nothing about nerd culture or technology. The show involves many similar jokes as The Big Bang Theory, in that it juxtaposes a group of unattractive, emasculated, nerdy men with an attractive, popular woman that would otherwise not be associated with them. And surprise: most of the jokes are either about how pathetic they are OR about how stupid she is because she doesn’t understand their culture. At least the humor is equally degrading to everyone, right? So what is the difference between the two shows?
The Big Bang Theory is a show about laughing AT nerds, whereas The IT Crowd is a show about laughing WITH nerds. Watch the clip embedded below and see if you can spot the difference.
Aside from the far less obnoxious laugh track, the IT Crowd takes on such a tone that it wouldn’t be entertaining to anyone who does not consider him or herself by some definition a nerd. In this specific case, the essence of the joke lies in how annoying it is to help people that don’t understand computers, whereas if you watch The Big Bang Theory, the essence of every joke revolves around how the four main characters are socially awkward and just all around weird. Even my mom, who can’t tell the difference between Professor Xavier and Green Lantern can laugh at The Big Bang Theory because the entire point of the show is to laugh at nerds, and ANYONE can laugh at nerds. This isn’t necessarily bullying, even nerds love laughing at nerds (this is a self-loathing subculture after all).
So what’s the point? If you were an RN, you probably wouldn’t want people associating you with the sexy-porno-nurse archetype, because it would make everyone take you less seriously, especially when you are doing a job that is important to you. You might not mind this association if it were on your own terms, or by other professional nurses perhaps. The same logic applies to nerds — nobody likes being turned into a joke. When nerds laugh at one another, there is an understanding that it is all in good fun. But when someone feels like an outsider is mocking them, even if this outsider doesn’t mean any harm, all bets are off.
4) Nobody likes being lied to
This is the only entry on this list that I will attribute more to the supposed “fake nerd girls” than I will to the male nerds. I do so reluctantly. This entry simply boils down to people presenting themselves as something they aren’t, whether they believe themselves to be liars are or not.
I enjoy football on occasion, I don’t usually watch it, but I can watch the game when my friends or family members sit down to do so. I don’t know much about the players or all the tiny little ins and outs of the rules, but I know football well enough to follow the game. I also enjoy football enough to play it, I make quite the running back if I don’t say so myself. That being said, I don’t present myself as a football fan, expert, or athlete of any sort; I understand that even though I enjoy football very much, I know significantly less than anyone that would call themselves a fan.
Many people present themselves as nerds because they enjoy a certain nerdy interest. This is where the common idea that “everyone is a nerd” comes from, when in reality the phrase should be “everyone is a little bit of a nerd.” I’ve met many people that love Spiderman, and yet the extent of their knowledge regarding Spiderman comes from the Sam Raimi films and the 90s television show. That is perfectly fine! Everyone is allowed to develop an interest to whatever depth they prefer. But sadly, if the above example defines your encyclopedia of Spiderman, then you are no Spiderman nerd.
This problem relates back to entry #2, the same fetishism that creates a rather harsh double standard for female and male nerds is creating a rather enticing reason for someone to claim they are nerd, even when they aren’t. I’m not trying to bite into the “nerd as a badge of honor” mentality; rather, I am simply suggesting that it is bad to present one’s self under false pretenses. I don’t think anyone is doing this intentionally — they genuinely believe they are “the biggest Batman fan ever.” Then I speak to them and realize that when they say “Batman fan,” they really mean they saw the Christopher Nolan films and now they like to quote the Joker and talk about how he is the best Batman villain ever.
As I stated before, none of this is meant to antagonize either side of the “fake nerd girl” conflict. I do not believe that the vast hordes of male nerds out there just despise women for no reason. That being said, I don’t think most of them have stopped and analyzed just why these supposedly “fake nerds” upset them so much. Mostly males have populated nerd culture for a very long time, and it doesn’t help that most of these boys have deep subconscious fear of women.
