So the other night I confessed to one of my roomies that I am, indeed, over my issues enough to kinda want a relationship. Her response?
“I’m sure you’ll have a boyfriend by January.”
Laughing, I turned to other roomie. “OMGGUESSWHATSHEJUSTSAID!”
Her response?
“That’s too quick. Maybe by February. Yeah, I bet you’ll have a boyfriend by Valentine’s Day.”
In addition to being adorably optimistic, my roomies are also sort of competitive. They want to bet against each other, and I have to make up the rules. How do I make the rules? The likelihood is very high that they will both lose. LMAO great night…
This got me thinking, however. What am I looking for? I mean, I’m not going to be actively searching because, as one of my good friends reminded me, this will probably lead to settling. After that, I thought about what it means to settle. Then I talked to my mother, who knows everything. So now I am blogging it out. Before I can figure out what it would mean to settle for less than what I want, I have to know what I actually want.
You don’t even want to read my perfect scenario because it’s scary as hell and nobody can live up to it. (Story of everyone’s perfect scenario) My sister laughed at me when I mentioned one of the things on the “perfect” list at dinner today. So no… Not embarrassing myself. Here’s realistic:
He has to be pretty confident. NÚMERO FREAKING UNO. The biggest turn-off ever? A guy who doesn’t like himself. What the eff am I supposed to do with that? What am I, your mother? No. I’m not. Go away.
He has to be funny. I don’t necessarily mean hyena laugh, crazy funny (if you hear my hyena laugh, you might flee, anyway), I mean have a sense of humor. Have my sense of humor. Be inappropriate and ridiculous and appreciate it when I am a little corny. Or don’t appreciate it and make fun of me for it! Which leads into my next point….
He needs to be able to argue about things. I want to be challenged. Don’t agree with everything I say, because you’re/I’m obviously wrong some of the time. Call me out on my crap and give me some back-and-forth every once in a while! A little lively discussion is healthy.
Example of what dumb means (unless you’re just kidding)
Also, if a guy is not intelligent, I can’t handle it. I don’t mean that he has to KNOW everything. He just needs to have the capacity to know things, to learn, to appreciate my nerdiness. I don’t know everything, either, but I can hold a decent conversation and get philosophical and SPELL things CORRECTLY when I chat with people. (Pet peeve, sorry. This makes me crazy, and not in a sexy way…)
Okay, so far we have confidence, a sense of humor, a somewhat argumentative personality (in the fun/cute way, not in the SHUT UP NOBODY CARES way), and intelligence.
Here comes the obvious: I have to be attracted to him, otherwise he is getting the friend zone. Sorry. This does not mean supermodel hot or anything. Attraction comes in many forms. Often, número uno up there (confidence) can be combined with intelligence to up someone’s attractiveness level significantly. Real crushes develop from brain crushes all the time. I’m into school. Smart boys are sexy.
What else? Well, similar interests, I guess? If he thinks vegetarians are idiots, he’s obviously not for me. If he doesn’t like human rights (which include immigrants’ rights and GAY RIGHTS, people!), I will get annoyed fast. It would be cool if he appreciated or spoke Spanish or any other foreign language… I like to travel and I like culture and communication. He doesn’t have to like my girly crap like Vampire Diaries or Pink. Oh and it would be cool if he was up for crazy things like skydiving..
He needs to be vulgar enough to accept it when I swear and say really lewd things and watch True Blood or Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead…
I know these are shows that appeal more to the id than to anything else, but come on. That’s what makes them great! (Of course, a lot of guys are just walking, talking ids most of the time, so that might not be an issue lol) I just can’t handle being with a guy if I feel like I’m corrupting him…
He needs to act like a man. I don’t mean macho scary man, I just mean that it would be nice if he had a sense of authority about him… some testosterone, you know? This is part of the confidence thing, I guess. I just want to state quite blatantly that I am not looking for a boyband sort of prettyboy. I don’t want to have to be the one to protect us if we get mugged. He doesn’t need to be able to beat up all muggers, he just needs to be the one comforting me when it’s over instead of the other way around. That’s not much to ask, right? Not looking for a neanderthal or anything, just for a decent level of testosterone.
He needs to have basic hygiene down but no way am I okay with a guy who thinks about his outward appearance more than I think about mine. I can be ready to go in 20 minutes. If his grooming ritual takes much longer than that, he can go date a girl that wears make-up and does her hair. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just not my life. I’m lucky if I wear matching socks. (Actually, mismatched socks are fun if they’re the same size and done on purpose :p )
It would be good if he wasn’t very religious because I am uncomfortable with corrupting others, and most religions do not approve of most things that are fun…
A couple compatibility pointers: Any guy I’d be with would have to have a somewhat loud personality, or I’d constantly feel as though I were overpowering him. He needs to like talking because I like talking. He needs to be a little obnoxious sometimes, you know?
Oh and don’t cheat, don’t hit me etc. …you know, the basic relationship manners things you can think of belong in this general area of the blog. I don’t feel like explaining it because we’ve already discussed the intelligence bit.
Great song. Not a good relationship.
Last but not least (and also not really last, I’m just not done thinking about this), he needs to know how and when to be mature. Like, I should be able to take him out in public without being embarrassed. Sure, be loud and be yourself but don’t make farting noises on the subway. You’d think this would be a nonissue but…. yeah…. better safe than sorry.
None of these things are set in stone (the heart wants what the heart wants) but I do think that this is a pretty comprehensive summary of how I feel about men right now. These are the basics. Get with them.
If you’re not into me or someone similar to me, none of this probably applies to you. Every girl is different, so disregard my opinions.
If you are into me (haha, like six people read this blog and they’re all female), here’s a gem: If you don’t think I’m into you, you’re probably right. If you think I am into you, you’re probably right and you should ask me out… However, if I’ve already made it clear that I’m into you and you didn’t do anything about it, it’s definitely too late to change your mind.
The above paragraph has been brought to you by PLEASE BE CONFIDENT and I GET IT WHEN I’M A BACKUP SO DON’T EVEN. Not to be harsh or anything :p I’m really a very nice girl.
Anyone who read this and agrees/disagrees/has comments, feel free to message me on facebook or whatever. This subject interests me. Let me know what’s on your wish list.
Lots o’ love,
Julia
