In my poverty-stricken hometown of Korce, Albania, electricity, water, and heat were scarce. There were daily blackouts that lasted for several hours. Opportunities for a better future were granted to only those who had connections in the corrupt government. My parents, grandparents, sister and I resided in a small, two-bedroom apartment with no heat. Surprisingly, shortly after moving to the United States, where we had electricity and water everyday, I still wondered if my life would have been better had my family and I had stayed in Albania, rather than immigrating to a foreign nation. Many might find it absurd that I would contemplate such a thought. Who would want to go back to a place where there were no basic necessities? However, the drastic change from the familiar Albanian language and culture that was comforting to me to English and American culture, which was strange, brought me distress. Looking back, I am shocked that such feelings ever existed, as now, after living in the United States for approximately eleven years, I see that American culture has a great influence in my everyday life.
Having completed only one month of first grade in Albania, I was immediately put in second grade upon arriving in America. I failed to speak and understand a single word of English. I did not have any basic reading, writing, or math skills in any language. I felt as though everyone was talking about me because I did not look, dress, or act like every other student. I felt even more of an outcast, and that prevented me from obtaining a meaningful education. The stress, frustration, and humiliation built up rapidly so that I became physically ill. Every morning before school, I would have severe stomach pain, without realizing what was causing the problem. It was comforting to be home, where I did not feel like an outcast.
However, soon afterward, I started learning English, which was uplifting. I realized that learning a different language was exciting, especially because it meant I could communicate with those around me. I began practicing my speech and writing. With my newfound confidence, I began to socialize more—making new friends. I no longer felt physical pain, but instead, felt as though I was a part of society.
However, while I became accustomed to American culture, I felt that my bond with Albanian culture was beginning to vanish. I learned English well and performed above average in school. Without realizing it, I distanced myself from my Albanian culture and grew less comfortable with speaking Albanian. At family gatherings, I would feel like a pariah because I had trouble understanding certain idioms and Albanian traditions. At school, I would sometimes feel isolated because I was not familiar with American sports, cartoons, and general culture. My childhood significantly differed from that of my friends because they were all born in the United States.
The two cultures clashed, created an idea in my mind that I did not truly belong to either.
I found it hard to accept that I belonged to two cultures and that it was acceptable to be different. Instead of trying to hide my uniqueness and edge, I started to embrace who I was. Different traditions, languages, and life-styles shape my current hometown of New York City; they make it memorable and irreplaceable, just as my different background differentiates me from the rest. Similarly, my culture and lifestyle as an Albanian-American influence my perception and point of view.
Clearly, I have gained invaluable experiences that have shaped my life significantly. I would have never guessed as a young, frightened immigrant that I would be diving into a course discussing the works of literature written by immigrants, depicting stories similar to mine. Perseverance defined who I am today rather than the difficulties I faced. The constant struggles led to my accepting of myself and achieving my dreams. I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to be a part of two incredible, yet distinct, cultures.
