Frank O’Hara depicts New York City as a metropolis filled with good memories, while J.G. Ballard depicts an overcrowded dystopian city. Even though I agreed with aspects of both works, my New York City falls somewhere in between.
Like O’Hara, I enjoy the simple pleasures of New York City – the sunsets, the wide array of people going about their daily lives, the lights, etc. But the feelings of claustrophobia and overcrowding in Ballard’s story, resonated with me too, bringing back horrifying memories of pushing my way through Times Square through throngs of tourists who seemingly don’t understand that sidewalks are for walking.
I truly have a love-hate relationship with New York City.
On the one hand, I love the anonymity it provides. It lets me go wherever I want to do whatever I want with only a slim chance of running into somebody I know. While at home in Long Island, I would rather not go to the mall alone, so I don’t look like I have no friends. In NYC, I am comfortable enough to go the MoMa on my own when I have a craving for art, or wander around Chelsea and the Highline (which happens to be my favorite place in the city) without a specific purpose in mind. I could even walk around crying and nobody would think twice about me.
On the other hand, it is almost scary and isolating to be so unknown in the city. Nobody would think twice about me crying in the street! I understand how easy it is for Ward to just go with the flow of “a shuffling mob” but it is also frightening to be so surrounded by strangers just going along with their hustle and bustle. For all I know, as I sit and let the subway carry me from place to place, the person next to me is the perfect friend or partner for me, but I will never know because social propriety dictates that we should sit in silence instead. In “Personal Poem” O’Hara writes that “I wonder if one person out of 8,000,000 is thinking of me” then “and go back to work happy at the thought of possibly so” but as I read that line, I shudder, thinking about how the answer is more like “probably not”.
That probably makes me sound like a cynic, which I am not completely. I know their are both pros and cons to the anonymity of city life, just like there are pros and cons of small town life (aka being so known drives me crazy too). A song, “Union Square” by Chumped perfectly summarizes my mixed feelings toward New York City. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWOj1w353sg). The lead singer, Anika, sings “And the Subway smells like shit, but it’s lovely isn’t it, in the sense that it will take you anywhere”. She then describes the contradictory feelings of being with other people, but alone in New York City with “Yeah, we’re all in this together, but what does it all mean? Not a damn thing”. She then concludes “We are not alone, At least until our stop arrives.” Chumped encapsulates the jumbled feelings of being alone and part of the crowd of the city.
I feel the same way about New York. I enjoy living in such a diverse and lively city, but there are times when I feel the need to leave and immerse myself into nature. Part of the reason why I enjoy New York City so much is because I have the opportunity to enjoy an urban environment. I also, however, do like from time to time to get away from all the noise and crowd in the city and enjoy the natural surroundings.
I totally agree that there is feeling of independence and solitary when walking around Manhattan especially when I’m used the to the scene in Queens where the buildings don’t tower over you. It is pleasant knowing you can go about your own business and feel like your part of the hustle and bustle of the city.
And I really relate to how you feel about O’Hara’s “Personal Poem” which reminded me of this vine: https://vine.co/v/OvOQ1DAnzi2/, where a guy in a subway sees an ad asking “Who’s caring for you?” and he turns to the person next to him who shakes her head and he looks sad as a result.
I wonder about the possibility of a number of passengers ever having this similar thought at the same time and that we could have all gotten to know each other.
I completely understand what you mean about living a life of solitude in the Big Apple. It can be both comforting and desolate. Knowing you can just walk up out of bed and catch any train and go just about anywhere excites this drive for adventure that I have (and you too after reading your post.) But sometimes, you just want someone there with you to enjoy that moment with.
Like others, I agree about this love-hate relationship with the city. It’s is crazy how in this city one could be surrounded by so many people but feel so alone. It’s also interesting how even the smallest politeness in the city can seem like a big deal and set you apart.
For example, when I take the bus to college everyday from NJ, I could tell apart the “tourists”. They sincerely say thank you to the driver and wish him a good day.